Between us. Life, love, and football. Mr. Russell, when and where did you play professional football . Isis traffic 2015 to the Dallas Cowboys as their first season and a half i went to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers restarted several games for two seasons per. As you enjoy being a professional Football Player . Very much preplaying replans my dream growing up. It was a dream for a long time felt like it would stay that. And to actualize to overcome the odds faith is a black man from a single parent home in american aactually achieve was a monumental occasion but. Were to play college ball . Guest purdue university. Host who was the first person in your football world that you came out to . Guest bit my College Teammate my best friends. We met at purdue and at first instantly were at odds with each other. I think two big personalities did not mesh right away. I quickly realized i was the type of man i aspired to be. Someone who knew who he was. Someone who treated people kindly regardless of what others thought or social opinions and always he was the first person i felt comfortable enough to share my identity with income out with. And also was the best person who could be gracious, kind, and Football Player. Something people normally perceived as not being accepting of lgbtq people. He was just that he accepted in full. They went what happened . In 2017 he was diagnosed with stage iv cancer. I was with them so bring his birthday in new york city when he found out. He thought the battle against cancer for a year. 2018 september 11, 2018 past unfortunately. Rk russell what has been your journey out of football . My journey outside of football hasnt been filled with ups and downs, hills and levalleys. Depression and grief from losing my best friend, anxiety and fear from hiding my identity from the world of football, scared that if people knew i was bisexual i would no longer be able to play in the league is my dream come true. From outside looking in i was at the top of the world and it shouldve been the happiest ive ever been i was having internal conflicts i was struggling in secret and not telling anyone. There were times i was playing against quarterbacks winning huge games but going home sad, lonely and not loving the person is on the mirror. So what a quote from your book the yards between us i was stuck and alone and i could not even talk to the people he loved about it. Yes. That is a serious part about hiding my identity, being in the closet in any way are not fully accepting your truth is that you not only battle things alone your own judgment internal conflict to put a wall up between you and the people have committed to supporting you have committed to loving and committed tovi going on this rie called life with you. Everything is so disingenuous because you not bring judgment with yourself. You cannot allow other people to love if you are not first loving yourself. It creates a wall and block i did not realize that then but it something i realize now i dont eliminate that for all people because at the end of the day we can only control us. Go to sleep with myself every day i wake up with myself every morning. I need to be on the same page with me i need to love me at the end of the day everyone my Football Team i need to be a great teammate and a great partner to myself. Host one thing to talk about in the book is essentially espn before you told your mother. How did that happen . I took a little slack im not going to lie. But writing has always been my truth. It has always been the most true and vulnerable and honest part of my representation of my thought process. So writing that essay is somethingi had to do first. My own realization is a way i want to tell my story to the world. And then i told my mom after a isaid that already in motion. I knew she would be gracious and it we would eventually get to the place we are now her initial reaction was not that. I think there was a lot of shock and she probably felt blindsided not letting her know i was bisexual letting her know that the world would also know the next day. But i love that part of our story because as anyone who reads my book me and my mother are best friends and even though we had that moment of disconnected shows any parent any person in your life can grow, can learn even if your first initial reaction is imperfect you can be that partner that supports your loved ones. And it is a journey. Nobody gets it perfectly right the first time. Very few of us do i love that my mom was quickly able to rebound and grow and to be there as my best friend as she always has been. Still what i remember correctly the scene when you called your mother involved you in your kitchen in l. A. I believe in a bottle of tequila tequila. Yes, yes. There were dark moments in that journey but so interesting at that point id also met my partner cory obrien i was experiencing such highest i never thought out its experience away from football and playing it with my best friend would pass at the time. There was a mix of joy and liberation but also guilt, these lows these depressive moments. Remember it hurting myself in the moment in that kitchen using alcohol to numb the pain in those moments. And so interest in the call happen there because the kitchen have become a very Pivotal Point for me in my journey into my emotions. But those also theot points whee i was no longer willing to struggle alone. No longer willing to hide my joy and happiness mother i was no longer willing to commute my own life to fit the stereotype of being a Football Player being a black man in america are being a man. I was going to beat me in is going to support me and hopefully allow the ceramic to do the same. See what where and how are you e question questions raised in raise in dallas, texas. I have to say this everyone was but i was born in buffalo new york. [laughter] i lived there for six years. Until my stepfather was helping raise me pass away my mother relocated to dallas, texas. And for me i consider dallas moore home is thats where i found football. That is where i found a friendship and kinship that is also where i had a lot of struggles that have made me who i am today. Encountering racism in the Southern State encountering football with that would do to a person life, values, going from high school trying to figure out who i am as a person, identity, all of those things. I give a buffalo credit thats where is born but i do feel dallas is more where i grew up. Rk russell in your book you talk about growing up in the hiding part of yourself, the creative part the poet part. Yes for a lot of people growing up you pick and choose the things you share based off of validation based off of reaction, based off of what people believe you could be where people believe your value as a person couldli be that fore was never in writing was somethingvery personal the firsi ever wrote was a letter to god about the passing of my stepfather and explaining or trying to understand this huge concept not a lot of young peoplele and i dont understand fully to this day losing somewhat angry for. Writing was always personal to begin with. And then moving as a black man in a Southern State i realize a lot of times i had to fit in. I had to be not a threat i had to be intelligence i broke the stereotypes of what it meant to be black or what it meant to be at raised in a singleparent home you pick and choose the things you tell people writing was never one of those things that to me people would value of me. Therefore i love the perception to view how i viewed it and how i valued my writing but it never went away for. Once you identify the somebody is talent and football dodo you get singletrack at an early age . Especially here in the states we love to specialize our kids very early o Football Team of those things because it is so physically demanding it becomes a life so thats the first thing heard rubbing a Football Player you need to eat, breathe, sleep football to be successful all of your decisions either help you to contribute better on the field or hurt you on the field. It is interesting because that is that how you view life thats how i view my own identity. Thats how i view friendships, my interest, the cost of the Chicken College should i take this class about for practice or get to work outs . Will he have time to contribute to the game i love question a lot of guys in college dont pick majors dont go to internships dont do summer courses because there prioritizing theirdo sports it s i think a deadly balancing game because there is a difference of and sacrifice something and who you are. No one should everan have to sacrifice who they are for the things are called through the heart the people there called to love extraordinary powers that liveinside them. Right next to their sport in the towns of the game. There is a story in the book you are at purdue you start friending a lot of people on facebook. All of a sudden what happens . Oh myy goodness college is frustrating for so many reasons it was the first time i was away from my mother at this time we are best friends wed spent a lot of time together. I was with the ups and downs of a turbulent season at purdue. I was redshirted my first year there i struggled with injuries interesttrying to gain weight ad my place all the while realizing i have these attractions is not just necessarily straight i also did not know much about my sexuality if im being honest it was presented to me is like a transition work gate people who were afraid to say they were straight to their bisexual is so much misinformation. But one day the loneliness the ups and downs of the season as crazy as that sounds called me too connect with someone in a way that was different than just about football in a way that was not serving was. Help me on the field is going to help meet when games are going to help me run faster bench press a lot of weight facebook of the internet seemed like a face place to have this conversation to make connections outside the public eye. We would lets hear from a couple callers lets work in will from blue ash ohio. Will you are on with our author rk russell brickwork solo thanks first cspan. Im a big fan of cspan ive i beenlistening to for years. Before i forget a run to really quick mention try to get 25th anniversary mug and had problems with trying to find on the website. I am almost ready to drive from such a fan. Ive been to d. C. Three times and i watched the library of congress i got a card and id card of some kind back then i think is 2008. But anyway i listen to tk. Rk russell but i am sorry rk. I listen to his presentation, loved his presentation. Loved it a lot, loved him. I have a sister who is no longer with us her name was lucille she was gay. And she was my best friend. She was somebody who was a huge influence in my life. And just glad he is speaking up and speaking out about his life and about his lifestyle i was happy to hear what he had to say. And again im glad cspan is still with us i hope to become that this year i like to come to washington d. C. This year in september usually go on vacation i dont if thats going to happen. Really glad to see you. Do it hey wilt thank you very much for going to let rk russell responded just a second very quickly the right people heard you about the mug we will make sure that gets online a little more available and easily if you want to email us we will send your bag okay . Booktv cspan. Org. Rk russell he talked about his sister. First of all thank you for sharing that story. I am so sorry for your loss. There is a need for representation that needs representation there is a need for representation for all of us. In secret and shame and hiding these controversies and talking points people dont understand they are connected to real lives. They affect real people a lot of us are p just trying to live and love be happy and create joy in our lives that is not not up for discernment that is not a talking point that is not voted on people that do not represent us or do not understand us or see us. I think you and i think your sister may she rest in peace for being who you are and allowing love to be the principal factor in your life when youre talking about people. Is the book is called the arts yards between us memoir of life, love, football rk russell is the author. You think your publisher in this book as well. This is the first book by this publisher regrets it is a first slate of impermanent progress with the publishers name