Ladies and gentlemen, the president of the United States. E president of the United States. Fmr. Pres. Obama please have a seat. [applause] fmr. Pres. Obama my fellow americans. [cheers] fmr. Pres. Obama mahalo. [laughter] fmr. Pres. Obama it is wonderful to be here at the white house correspondents dinner. What a week. Heard, the state of hawaii released my official longform birth certificate. Hopefully this puts all doubts to rest. But just in case there are any lingering questions, tonight, im prepared to go a step further. Time, i for the first am releasing my official birth video. [laughter] now, ill warna , no one has seen this footage in 50 years. Not even me. But, lets take a look. [video clip] circleing intro of life. ] [applause] fmr. Pres. Obama oh, well. Back to square one. Clear to the fox news table, that was a joke. [applause] fmr. Pres. Obama that was not my real birth video. That was a childrens cartoon. [laughter] fmr. Pres. Obama called disney if you dont believe me. They had the original longform version. Anyway. Its good to be back with so many esteemed guest, janitorses, senators, journalists, essential government employees, nonessential government employees. You know who you are. I am very much looking forward to hearing seth meyers tonight. [applause] youngres. Obama hes a fresh face who can do no wrong in the eyes of his fans. Seth, enjoy it while it lasts. I think it is fair to say, that when it comes to my presidency, the honeymoon is over. For example, some people now suggest that i am too professorial. I would like to address that had on, by assigning some of you some reading that will help you draw your own conclusions. Arrogant, that im but ive found a really great self help tool for this, my poll numbers. [laughter] ive even letma down my key core constituencies, movie stars. The other day, matt damon, i love matt damon. Matt damon says he was is appointed in my performance. Well, matt, i just saw the adjustment bureau. Right back at you, buddy. [applause] fmr. Pres. Obama there is someone who i can always count on for support, my wonderful wife, michelle. [applause] made aes. Obama we Terrific Team at the easter egg roll this week. Id give out bags of candy to themids, and shed snatched back out of their little hands. Snatch them. Wheres the Public National radio table . You guys are still here . [laughter] fmr. Pres. Obama thats good. I couldnt remember where we landed on that. Tense you were a little when the gop tried to cut your funding. Personally, i was looking forward to new programming, like, know things considered. [laughter] ,mr. Pres. Obama or, wait wait, dont fund me. Issue,icit is a serious thats why paul ryan could not be here tonight. His budget has no room for laughter. [applause] fmr. Pres. Obama Michele Bachmann is here, and she is thinking about running for president , which is weird because i hear she was born in canada. Yes, michelle, this is how it starts. [applause] fmr. Pres. Obama tim p allamerican,ms but if you heard his real middle honsney polenti, what a shame. Buddy, our outstanding ambassador, jon huntsman is with us. There is something you might not n, he did not learn to speak chinese to go there. He learned english to come here. [applause] fmr. Pres. Obama and then there is a vicious rumor floating around that i think could really hurt mitt romney, i heard he passed universal health care when he was governor of massachusetts. Someone should get to the bottom of that. I know just the guy to do it. Donald trump. Hes here tonight. [applause] that hes. Obama i know has taken some flak lately, but no one is happier, no one is prouder to put this birth pres. Obama and thats because he can finally get back to focusing on the issues that matter like, did we fake the moon landing . [laughter] what really happened in roswell . [laughter] and where are biggie and tupac . [laughter and applause] pres. Obama but all kidding aside, obviously, we all know about your credentials and breadth of experience. [laughter] for example no, seriously, just recently, in an episode of Celebrity Apprentice [laughter] at the steakhouse, the Mens Cooking Team cooking did not impress the judges from omaha steaks. And there was a lot of blame to go around. But you, mr. Trump, recognized that the real problem was a lack of leadership. And so ultimately, you did not blame lil jon or meatloaf. [laughter] you fired gary busey. [laughter] and these are the kind of decisions that would keep me up at night. [laughter and applause] well handled, sir. [laughter] well handled. Pres. Obama say what you will about mr. Trump, he certainly would bring some change to the white house. Lets see what we have got up there. [laughter] pres. Obama so, yes, this has been quite a year in politics, but also in the movies. Many people, for instance, were inspired by the kings speech. Its a wonderful film. [applause] well, some of you may not know this, but theres now a sequel in the works that touches close to home. And because this is a hollywood crowd, tonight i can offer a sneak peek. So can we show the trailer, please . Washe following preview begrudgingly approved follow audiences by the president of the United States. [video] is rated uunwatchable. The air is 2011, and opposition rises. Congressional republicans could force the federal government to shut down. Republicans are serious about an amendment that would limit funding. This is serious. For the president s, teleprompter. His greatest challenge. From the people who brought you universal health care, and the huge backlash to universal health care, comes the incredible true story. Added anotheromy 20, ahh they say that doing that, the president has lost his prompter. Joe lockhart, has he lost the magic . Savannah, he has gone from yes we can to know i cannot. I will also, i will also visit, i will also visit, chile. Ok. Lets try that again. In his darkest hours. Mr. President , what are you going to do . The president turned to a man who never let prepared remarks stand in his way. Axelrod wanted me to use the teleprompter but i told him i am better when i wing it. Who broke all the rules. Lived in long island for 10 years or so, god rest her soul. Awake, your mama still alive . God bless her soul. And spoke from the heart. I have never seen so many insurance commissioners. Im not that old, actually i am. It is the story of friendship and the power of the human spirit. There are only two lines. You are making me feel better. Mostly it is this. For two hours. And someone we appreciate even more. Natalie portman. This is not on the teleprompter. But she is a heck of a lot better looking than rahm emanuel. Joinis fiscal year, twotime grammy award winner park obama. Fruit and vegetable enthusiast michelle obama. Thats a carrot. Thend amtraks passenger of year three decades running, joe biden. There goes biden again. As the president loses his health teleprompter. [applause] what will the future hold. Joe biden is here. [applause] video] [applause] pres. Obama coming to a theater near you. [applause] pres. Obama let me close on a serious note. We are having a good time, but as has been true for the last several years, we have incredible young men and women who are serving in uniform overseas in the most extraordinary of circumstances. [applause] and we are reminded of their courage and their valor. [applause] pres. Obama we also need to remember our neighbors in alabama and across the south that have been devastated by terrible storms from last week. [applause] michelle and i were down there yesterday, and we have spent a lot of time with some of the folks who have been affected. The devastation is unimaginable and is heartbreaking and its going to be a long road back. And so we need to keep those americans in our thoughts and in our prayers. But we also need to stand with them in the hard months and perhaps years to come. I intend to make sure that the federal government does that. And ive got faith that the journalists in this room will do their part for the people who have been affected by this disaster by reporting on their progress, and letting the rest of america know when they will need more help. Those are stories that need telling. And thats what all of you do best, whether its rushing to the site of a devastating storm in alabama, or braving danger to cover a revolution in the middle east. You know, in the last months, we have seen journalists threatened, arrested, beaten, attacked, and in some cases, even killed simply for doing their best to bring us the story, to give people a voice, and to hold leaders accountable. And through it all, we have seen daring men and women risk their lives for the simple idea that no one should be silenced, and everyone deserves to know the truth. Thats what you do. At your best, that is what journalism is. Thats the principle that you uphold. It is always important, but its especially important in times of challenge, like the moment that america and the world is facing now. So i thank you for your service and the contributions that you make. And i want to close by recognizing not only your service, but also to remember those that have been lost as a consequence of the extraordinary reporting that theyve done over recent weeks. They help, too, to defend our freedoms and allow democracy to flourish. God bless you, and may god bless the United States of america. [applause] [cheers and applause] [applause] seth hello. Im seth meyers and i cannot thank you enough for having me tonight. Im going to be making jokes about people in this room but do not worry. I assure you matt or how harsh the jokes they have invented by the man at the top, chinese president using towel