[mellow native american music] [blows whistle] the cowboys kick it off. [grunting] [cheers and applause] hut hut hut hut [all grunting] hut hut hut. Hut hut hut hut [all grunting] [whimpering and coughing] hut. Hut hut hut. Hut hut [all grunting] all oh just stay down, for the love of god [feebly] hut hut. Hut [all grunting] stop make it stop just stay down please, just make him stay down go redskins go redskins boy, this is the life, huh, guys . We finally did it i might just sit here until my ass fuses into the couch. What the hell is that . [crowd booing] whoa, whoa what . Change your name it doesnt belong in Todays Society change our name . But you all thought our name was sweet. Theres nothing sweet about a people who were decimated, a once proud nation that finally lost hope and left their leader to be massacred by cowboys in a defiant last stand. When was this . Last night. Until you change your name, we are asking all your subscribers to boycott you thats right. Isis will no longer use your insensitive company for its fundraising. Yeah all right good for you, isis what the hell do we do . [sighs] i guess we gotta go back to school. [crowd yelling] on, everybody . Welcome to the daily distancing show. Im trevor noah. It is monday, august 17, which means the Democratic National convention kicked off today in milwaukee. It also means theres still three days left for john delaney to maybe win the mom no nation. Youve got this, my man some of you may have noticed my face is a little swollen. I wanted to address this before people start rumors. I was walking to subway to get my usual 3 00 a. M. Sandwich, and this guy in a maga hat jumped out of nowhere and said, hey, arent you that super funny comedian from the daily show . And he punched me in the face and ran away and hopped on a flight to nigeria. Now that weve cleared that up, tonight, america fights back to save the post office, Michael Kosta tries to smuggle coronavirus on to an indian reservation and how donald trump intends to win the popular vote. Lets do this, welcome to the daily distancing show. From trevor noahs couch to your couch somewhere in the world, the daily distancing show presents the Democratic National convention, electing americas first black president s friend. Trevor so tonight was the first night of the Democratic National convention, and i was actually going to watch it but i was in a bust fight on ghost of tsushima. It was too late by the time i beat it. I promise tomorrow well bring you the best highlight of tonights speeches. This years conventions are anything but normal. This pandemic is change hough we nominate president ial candidates. The Democratic National convention will get underway tonight to nominate joe biden, but hardly any speakers will be there in person. It will be almost an entirely virtual event. There will be no Convention Floor packed with delegates, no cheering, applause and no balloon drop. Dont expect anything quite like this at this years convention. Or that. They wont be fun. They were so much fun. And i dont mean just for me, i think the audience watched the craziness and enjoyed that. Trevor thats right. For the first time ever, the conventions are going virtual, which means no crowds, no dancing, no balloon drops and definitely no bill clinton kissing booth. Honestly, im kind of looking forward to watching speeches without the crowd cheering every other sentence because everything at these conventions gets a standing ovation. Anything does anyone drive a 2015 kia sorento . cheers and applause no, your lights are on. chanting lights are on, light are on on the other hand, we have to admit a convention that takes place over zoom doesnt have the same juice. Imagine if obama had to do one of his famous speeches but on zoom. Yes, we can sorry, obama, i didnt get that. Can you say that did again . Yes, we can. Could you speak slower . I think the connection is bad. Yes, we can. Okay, we can what . I think you cut off attend. We can what . No, thats the whole thing, yes, we can. Oh. Okay. No, you dont have to be a genius to see what the underlying message of tonights lineup, from a. O. C. And bernie on the left to john kasich and a slew of other republicans on the right, tonight was meant to showcase the broader appeal of joe biden across the political spectrum. Joe biden is basically the cheerios of president ial candidates, hes not the most exciting option but deep down you know hes good for you. And as he enters this convention week, biden finds himself in a strong position against trump. Hes ahead by an average of 8 points nationally, leading in five out of the six swing states and his wife sometimes lets him hold her hand. Thats something. Some polls show trump is closing the gap. If one thing ive learned living in america, the poll numbers are like scores in basketball, they dont mean shit till the last two minutes of the game. Clearly trump doesnt care about the polls because hes measuring the race by a completely different metric. Did you see down in florida the boat parade yesterday . They broke the guinness book of world records. Thousands of boats, and thats all over the country. Thats everywhere you have a lake, river or ocean, there are these massive numbers of boats and bikers for trump. I just looked. There are thousands of votes in lakes, rivers and oceans, thousands and thousands of boats. Its called boaters for trump, boaters for trumppence. There are signs all over. Some have ten flags on them. Theyre incredible. Trevor no denying trump is huge with the boating community. I dont blame them. His policies are ensuring the ice caps melt faster and make a lot more water for them. Trump has a special place in this community because he stands as if hes on a moving boat. I wouldnt be surprised if trump tries to move the polling locations from land to sea. You know a lot of people are saying water elections are much safer. In fact, theres never been a rigged election on water. You can check it out. Obviously, trump is very confident that the boater voters will put him over the top. But as a backup, hes also been moving ahead with plan b, destroying the u. S. Post office so democrats cant vote by mail. Over the weekend a tax on the post office became so brazen the people started fighting back. The escalating showdown over the post office in mailin voting. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi cut short the recess, called the house back to emergency session to confront the president obama over cutbacks in mail service which could disrupt mailin ballots and at the nie some the this morning nancy pelosi is calling every member of the house back to washington for a rare saturday session this weekend to address the crisis in the u. S. Postal service and growing questions about the november election. After reports surfaced in recent weeks of posting workers removing the iconic blue boxes from screen corners in multiple states, the agency says it will halt removals for 90 days citing customer concerns. Joe is accused of undermining the service to suppress votes. Backing pots and bans before 9 00 saturday. Protesters marched the first steps of what they say is louis dejoys d. C. Conned o. Trevor man, got to admit theres few things that suck more than being neighbors with a trump appointee because at some point people will protest the shit out of your building, not to mention Russian Politicians showing up im here for a secret but perfectly legal meeting. You want 7d, not g. My bad, my bad, but now that youve seen my face i offer you drink that is not poison. But for real, can anyone tell me why theyre not removing mailboxes . Why dont they repurpose them if they dont need them. Turn them into a crash can, flower pot or a new apartment for oscar the grouch. Maybe he would be less grouchy if his house was filled with postcards instead of dog shit. Trump is claiming the reason hes going after mailin votes sit has too much fraud. But no one has found evidence of that claim. Yesterday, trumps chief of staff said this do you realize how inaccurate the voters roles are with people just moving around, let alone the people that die off, but sending ballots out just based on a voter role, registration . Anytime you move, you change your drivers license, but you dont call up and say, hey dr. But theres no evidence of widespread voter fraud, though. Theres no evidence that theres not either. Thats the definition of fraud, jake. Wow. So theres no evidence of widespread voter fraud but theres also no evidence that there isnt widespread voter fraud. Once you go into that argument, theres nothing you cant claim anymore. Sure, i havent seen any evidence that aliens are cloning humans and making them compete in talent competitions in space but i also havent seen any evidence that aliens arent cloning humans and making them compete in talent competitions in space. So, if youre watching, give em hell in that danceoff, buddy. People have all sorts of theories about why trump is attacking the post office. One is he wants to slow down mail so ballots dont arrive in time to be counted. Another theory is he just wants democrats to think the mail is going to slow down so they dont trust the mail and they dont send their ballots at all. Which is why over the weekend the king of the democrats barack obama came out with a different message. If youre in a state where you have the option to vote early, you need to do that now because the more votes are in early, the less likely youre going to see a lastminute crunch both at polling places and in those states where mailin ballots are permitted. As much as possible, we want to relieve that pressure. Trevor america really is an upsidedown place. The black president is telling everyone to vote early and the white president is trying to make sure everyone is late. Obama is right, waiting until the last minute never works out. Like the one year i waited until july to get my beach body, but then all the beach bodies were sold out. So in the face of all kinds of voting obstacles, that is president obamas advice, which he reiterated on twitter vote early if you can, and then tell everyone you know to do the same thing, which i guess im doing right now. You guys are basically everyone i know. But just in case, im going to try to tell more people. Hey, everyone dont forget to vote as soon as you can id like to set up as soon as you can. Okay, thank you, sir. It went well. Time for a break. When we come back, well catch you up on everything happening outside the president ial race. So stick this week at jimmy johns, you can get 20 off orders of ten dollars or more by using promo code save20. Thats 20 off any combination of sandwiches, drinks and sides you can imagine. Combos. For days. Just use save20 online or on our app. For days. With a mintyflavored dark chocolate delicious twist. 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Hello they say were we say playfuls never done dont fight the feeling just let it flow stack it up, rack it up, let it go i got a secret the world should know lets stay playful, oreo an extra 15 credit on car and motorcycle policies . Wow. Ok thats 15 on top of what geico could already save you. So what are you waiting for . Idina menzel to sing your own theme song . Tara, tara, look at her go with a fresh cup of joe. Gettin down to work early following her dreams into taxidermy oh, its. Tax attorney. I read that wrong, oh yeeaaaah geico. Save an extra 15 percent when you switch by october 7th. Give it up for tara the daily distancing show. Now, the big story this week is obviously the Democratic National convention, but theres still a lot of other stuff going on out there, so lets catch up on all of it in our brandnew segment of stories that arent about the convention. laughter word play. Anyway, heres some big news did you know that america is finally getting its first black president . The Washington Football Team formally known as the Washington Redskins announcing the first new black president. Jason wright will lead the Business Operations and working with building the field on the team. Owner of the team says wrights former experience as a playerer and push for inclusion will set new standards for that organization. Trevor thats right, washington has hired the first black president in n. F. L. History, which is fantastic but if they follow the same pattern as america, the teams next president is going to kick all the mexicans off the team and inject all players with hydroxychloroquine. I will say, it really sucks to be a black person in america right now, but even if you do get offer a job, the first thing you think is how bad tid the white people ~bleep up to have to hire me . Best of luck to jason wright because football is the only sport trying to play with fans in the stands and no bubble during covid. So if the league shuts down, you know people are going to try to blame him. Im just saying, the league never set down before when there was a white team president. It cant be a coincidence on to news about climate change. Should be no surprise 2020 is on course to be the hottest year on record. I mean, basically, every year now is hotter than the year before it. You know, in the same way every hemsworth brother is hotter than the one before it. Is that right or is it the other way around. Over the weekend the temperature hit a different record. And this one will really make you sweat. One part of the country is taking heat and could be a record. Death Valley National park which is split between california and nevada recorded a High Temperature of 130 degrees yesterday. It needs to be verified, but if it is, it will be the hottest temperature recorded on earth since 1913. The previous record was also recorded in death valley. Trevor goddam, 130 degrees see, this is when i like that americans use fahrenheit because, in the rest of the world, people use celsius, but a scorching 54 doesnt have the same ring to it. 130 degrees 54. And death valley is a great name for a place thats 130 degrees. As terrible name in terms of real estate development. Who would name that . They need to call it dval. Build a couple of coffee shops and condos, hipsters would be there in a month. This is all a sign we are in a climate crisis, people. While the rest of the world wants to slow climate change, the Trump Administration looks at record temperatures and say, eh, lets try and beat it. Trump administration tried to finalize plans to open up the arctic wildlife refuge. Will allow leasing on the 1. 6 coastal plain and marks a major step towards reviving fossil fuel development inen a area thats been untouched for three decades. Trevor untouched for three decades. For a second, i thought they were talking mike pence. Thats right. With just a few months left in his term, trump is about to let oil and Gas Companies go nuts in a pristine wildlife refuge. Its almost hike he knows hes not getting the Security Deposit back on the country so he might as well see how much he can wreck on his way out. This might be the first time trump destroyed the Property Value of a place without putting his name on it first. Arctic wildlife is the best. Why would you do this . Penguins, polar bears, seals theyre magical why not drill in a sucky wildlife like a mosquito preserve . And we still have a few years before many parts of the planet become uninhabitable. This is a worldwide epidemic. But there is some good coronavirus news today a medical breakthrough brought to you by the n. B. A. The f. D. A. Has approved an emergency use authorization for a salivabased covid 19 test developed by yale university. The test known as saliva direct has been used on n. B. A. Players and staff and according to yale, its simply, less expensive and less invasive. The n. B. A. And Players Union came together to donate more than 500,000 to yale for the research that led to the test. Trevor thats right, the n. B. A. Has funded a corona test where all you have to do is spit in a cup. Though knowing the n. B. A. , they probably have someone standing next to the cup trying to block you. But this is huge. The United States desperately needs for testing to get the pandemic under control. And a simple test where you can just spit into a tube could change everything. Its much easier than the test where you have to tickle your doctor, you know. Actually, im starting to wonder, was that guy a real docket . It was weird we met under a bridge. Huh. But this is why i always say, people, it is so much better to get diseases later than earlier. You know i always say that. I mean, if you got covid in january, you had to do the more painful test where they put the thing up your nose, but now all you have to do is spit. Like if you got measles back in the day, you died. But if you get it today, you get an antivaxer asking you if you took the shot. New zealand was the first country to declare itself covedfree. But after three months of no corona, the land of hobbits is back in emergency mode. Overseas, the Prime Minister of new zealand delayed the National Election for ant four weeks after 50 people were infected in auckland, the countrys biggest city. Before that, new zealand had gone more than 100 days without community spread. Trevor new zealand is now delaying its National Election by four weeks because ofen outbreak of 50 people. I know 50 people doesnt sound like a lot, but thats like a third of their population. That i have 150 people and 20 million sheep. This is the one difference between america and other countries. Other countries are loose with their election laws. Theyre, like, yeah, lets do the election in a month, we can delay it. America doesnt play those games. America treats election laws like god told them directly to Thomas Jefferson elections must be the first tuesday after the first monday of november never in december because thats my sons birthday. Not january or february, its, like, really cold. March is for basketball, we all know that. April is for fools. Ha, ha, ha, get it . And then in may, thats like summer and we dont do shit in summer, so im thinking november. What do you think, tommy . At the same time, americas system really protects democracy. Because if you have laws that are too loose and get the wrong leader like, say, donald trump, which i know would never happen, can cause chaos. Because best believe if donald trump could postpone the elections because of coronavirus, he would be testing through the roof hed probably tend to get coronavirus every single month. Guys, im afraid were going to have to postpone the election for two more years because, like, you know that feeling when youre not sick but youre going to be sick . Thats totally me right now, sickish but not but totally sometimes could be. Okay, byebye. When we come back, Michael Kosta tries to sneak on to an indian reservation and i will be speaking to man they called the biden whisperer. Stick neighbor whatcha working on. burke oh, just puttering, tinkering. Commemorating bizarre mishaps that farmers has seen and covered. Had a little extra time on my hands lately. neighbor and that . burke oh, this . Just an app ive been working on. 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Six months into the start of the pandemic, the coronavirus is still rampaging across the United States. But now a group of real americans is fighting back. Michael kosta has more. As america debates whether we should enter another lockdown, theres still one maskless utopia where patriots can shop where they want, catch fireworks with the president and even attend the largest gathering of people who wear letser in august. Thats right. South dakota. We took a unique path. We havent locked people up, we didnt order a statewide shelter in place. More freedom, not more government is the answer. But some locals arent happy with the governors lack of rules and are take things into their own latex covered hands. The Cheyenne River tribe set up nine checkpoints along roads and haste that lead into the reservation to protect people against covid 19 but sparked disagreements. The governor wants the checkpoint removed and is using her power to get it done. Thats not sitting well with chairman harold frazier. Chairman, youre still staying closed. Is that because you hate freedom . No. No, we dont hate freedoms. Weve got to protect our people, and thats smagt that we value more than anything is our human life. Is my life worth living if i cant get the twiced baked potato from applebys . Naturally safety is the most important thing. Right now these checkpoints is one of the best weapons we have to try to control this virus. Ive heard enough. Time to hit the road and see these checkpoints for myself. Im calling to the checkpoint. Lets say im a trucker. Where are you going . Boise. 30 cattle in the back. Have you ever been exposed to covid 19 . No. Thank you. You have a safe trip. Have a good day. Wait a minute, is that it . Yeah, weve always allowed commercial travel to come through. Seems simple, frankly. Motorists could probably be at a checkpoint a minute to a minute and a half. Im giving you a tougher one. Going to disneyland. Got the kids with me. Whats th the stopping more . Where are you from . Florida, ironically. Okay. You are going to disneyland coming from florida . Yep. Okay, well, sorry to inform you, but youre going to have to turn around. Why is that, sir . You are coming from a hot spot and you are unable to travel through a reservation. Did i say florida . I meant to say costa rica. Hang on im going to gun it what is your name, sir . Bill. Youve got a last name . Yeah, of rights. Ever heard of it . Bill of rights. Why am i being stopped here . We have a checkpoint and a huge concern of covid 19. Corona 19. Psht right now we have a program to do tracing. I didnt know follow the program in my grandmas nursing home so im sure as shit not going to follow your program, old man. Rest in peace, grandma. Mr. Rights, sorry to inform you you are going to have to reroute your destination. Youre being uncooperative. So thank you and have a good day. With just 19 active cases on the reservation, the checkpoints seemed to be working but bootleg sarah palin said they will have to come down or shell take them to court. But the tribes lawyers say the sioux dont have to do shit. When the government said shut down the checkpoint she had no legal leg to stand on so we refused. When we refused, she told on us to the white house, they threatened to take down our checkpoints. There were numerous people at every level of the federal government that had their finger in this so we sued them. You sued the federal government . Yes. Its like you got in afying in the school yard and she went home and called her dad. Yes. Then you sued her dad. Thats right. Threats from the federal government havent been enough to deter the sioux because theyre protect bid a concept known as tribal sovereignty. Sovereignty is our inherent power to govern ourselves as tribal people. When i enter a reservation, im not a member of a tribe, do i have to follow tribal law or federal Government Law . There is, unfortunately, a confusing array of which laws apply on indian reservations. Can i have breakfast for dinner . Cuff breakfast for dinner . Im going to say yes, i will allow it. Can i Practice Medicine without a license . You may not. Can i wear socks with sandal also. You probably better not. Seem to be a little ambiguity on these tough questions. There are some restrictions and limits and, you know, whats very interesting to note is that, you know, we started out with a full range of Sovereign Authority and, over the years, weve lost much of our land, our culture has been harmed. But thisfying that were having against the United States in this checkpoint issue, were on ththe offense. Its tough to fight the federal government unlimited resources, unlimited lawyers. Do you really think youre going to win . Yes, i do think were going to win. The federal government doesnt want to ~bleep with us because theyre afraid of indians, and they should be. I learned a lot on this journey, first of all, dont ~bleep with indians. Can i say that . Two, if keep you can people safe is unamerican, maybe we should all try to be a little more unamerican. Lastly where are you from . Damn it, harold trevor thank you so much, michael. When we come back, ill be talking to the man many say is the reason joe biden won the nomination. Congressman jim clyburn. So stay tuned. Trevor welcome back to the daily distancing show. Earlier today, i spoke with South Carolina congressman and democratic majority whip jim clyburn. We talked about Kamala Harris being on the ticket and whats really going on with the u. S. Postal service. Congressman clyburn, welcome to the daily distancing show. Thank you so much for having me. Trevor thank you so much for taking the time at what is one of the busiest period for Top Democrats all around the country. First things first, many people refer to you as the biden whisperer, and you are the person credited with turning his fortune around and helping him secure South Carolina and then moving him to victory onwards from there. Did you whisperer anything to him about choosing Kamala Harris . Well, i whispered to him about what he should do in determining who his running mate should be. I did answer whatever questions he asked of me. I gave him positives and minuses about maybe a dozen people, and she was one of them. I told him on one occasion my head says this and my heart says something else, but its got to be your head and your heart, and you need to make that decision so i never gave him one over the other. Now that Kamala Harris is the pick, what does your head and your heart say . She, i believe, complements him better than anybody else. He is a very compassionate person, and she is a very passionate person. She has the kind of debating skills that i think will be needed in this campaign. Biden knows policy, and hes good on policy, but biden is not the kind of debater that kamala is, and thats what you need in a v. P. Candidate, someone who can go toe to toe not just against the other v. P. , but against the policies that are being dictated. So i think sheso out there on policy the way thats going to drive donald trump nuts. laughter trevor one thing that has to happen, though, in order for the democrats to win this election is people have to come out and vote. One thing thats been really interesting is, when people are polled, you know, a lot of people said theyre not excited for joe biden, but they definitely want to vote against donald trump. You know, joe biden is seen as a pragmatic choice as opposed to a pga passionate choing. Do you think Kamala Harris shifts that . I know you dont speak for all black people, but for someone who has black roots within the community, do you think Kamala Harris will come out and vote for biden in a way they didnt for hillary . I think she does a good job in moving the needle on that quite a bit, maybe not where it needs to go, but i believe, in this campaign, when these two conventions are over, well be over thursday night, the republicans will have theirs over by next week, and by labor day i think you will see people moving to joe biden on policy rather than just to be against trump. Yes, trump has given us all we need to vote against. I am working very closely with my good friend sedric richmond who is cochair of the campaign and my protege in the congress and we are looking at how to make this campaign one about biden. We want people to vote for biden, and were going to give them the reasons they should vote for biden. They already have enough reasons to vote against trump. Trevor lets talk about the voting. I know you have been passionate for most of your life about voting rights. America is in a scary place right now, congressman, where the november election is looming, coronavirus doesnt seem to be going anywhere, and the post office seem like it may not be able to fulfill the needs of mailin voters across the country. Looking at new zealand, do you see any future or possibility where america says they will move the date of the election or do you think thats something that is fundamentally unamerican . That is fundamentally unamerican and it cannot be done. Congress sets the time for elections to take place. Now, that has been set for the tuesday after the first monday in november, and thats what it is, and this president can do nothing about that. I can declare some kind of an emergency, take us to war or something. I hope hes got enough sense not to do Something Like that. So i think the elections will be on november 3. But what i have been saying to my democratic friends, that we ought to declare, if not officially, we ought to declare amongst ourselves election month. October ought to be election month, and we ought to dedicate ourselves to doing the things that are necessary to get people to the polls. This president says hes all for absentee voting. Hes just against mailin voting. Absentee voting starts in most cases 30 days out. In South Carolina on october 5, people will start voting absentee. Now, we have been leaving it up to people to do it on their own. This time, we ought to create the mechanism during the month of october to get people voted absentee. So i have been asking my friends and my party to dedicate this Election Year to john r. Lewis and demonstrate election activities throughout the month of october. Trevor so let me propose a horrible scenario that america has to consider what if people do vote early . What if those votes get collected by the post office but then theyre not delivered in time to the places they need to be delivered to and what if those votes are now not counted by the theyre not going to count them if they dont come in by election day . You could have hundreds of thousands or even millions of votes that could shift the election that are not going to be part of the election. Do you think that thats worth not moving an election or do you have a plan in place for what happens if the post office doesnt follow through on what people hope it will achieve . I do have a plan in place and its cop idea from the state of colorado. The state of colorado, i think, has the best plan going, and its not relying on the post office. People who want to use the post office, fine, you can, but its putting ballot boxes around town in various places, and its getting people to vote in person, absentee but in person. So, yes, we could get around that. Sure, we need to keep the post office going, because i think this thing with the post office is about more than just voting. I think this president is camouflaging this activity. Remember, the post office has been with us before we ever had a constitution. Thats how it got wrapped into the constitution, and the post office, i always say, is the thread the main thread that keeps the fabric of this country together, and if we pull that thread out of the fabric, it comes apart. We have as our motto in this country eeplur by eeplur bysplue this country as one. Thats why we need to make sure we do not allow the postal service, and i emphasize service, to go awry. This is not about making a profit. Thats why the post office is a service and not a business. Businesses exist to mak