Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240713

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240713

Superstar who plays for the miami heat, jimmy butler is joining us, everybody cheers and applause also on tonights show, nicki minaj is looking horrible. Wieferdle continue to ravage australia. The queen says harry and meghan aint going nowhere. Lets catch up on todays headlines. Lets kick it off with the royal story thats got the whole world talking. Yesterday prince harry and Meghan Markel sent shock waves through the u. K. When they sent Buckingham Palace a breakup text. Now the queen is saying slow your roll, bitches. To the bombshell announcement the whole world is talking about, prince harry and Meghan Markel revealing they tend to step back as socalled senior members to have the royal family. A rift in the royal family not seen for a generation. Prince harry, the most popular royal after the queen, and his american wife meghan, issuing what amounts to a declaration of independence. Their bombshell announcement taking other royals by surprise. There was no advanced warning for the queen. Prince charles or prince william. Buckingham palace is issuing a terse response. Discussions with the duke and duchess of sussex are at an early stage. We understand their desire to taketa different approach, but these are complicated issues. Trevor oh, shit just got real. laughter yeah, apparently the queen is not happy because harry and meghan didnt tell her they plan to quit the family business. Yeah. Maybe they did tell her but because shes, like, 100 years old, she forgot. You dont know. Maybe they were, like, grandma, were leaving the royal family. When . Next week. Whos leaving . We are. When . Those suckers fall for it re evy time. The royal family need meghan and harry to stay popular and relevant. The real reason, i think the queen is stuck with merchandise they cant sell. I cant sell shirts that say slay queen if theres no black family ill get canceled on twitter i feel bad for meghan and harrys son archie. Hes going to eventually grow up and say, let me get this straight, we used to be in the royal family. I could be a king and now im working at burger king . Is that what youre saying . laughter moving on from the most entitled family in england to the most entitled family in the u. S. President trump has spent nearly a third of his days in office visiting one of his own Vacation Properties and every time trump and his family travels, it costs the taxpayers money. And if you would like to know how much money, well, theres good news and bad news. The Washington Post reports the Trump Administration wants to delay until after the election a democratic proposal. It requires the secret service to disclose just how much it spends on protecting the president and his family when they travel. The secret service is part of the treasury department. Treasury secretary Steve Mnuchin has reportedly agreed to the idea but wants to start it after the president ial election. Trevor oh, yeah, thats right, Steve Mnuchin, treasury secretary and corporate kyler wren says he will disclose how much money the secret service spends on trump but only after the election. That cant be a good sign. Why after the election, huh . Thats like asking a hookup if they have been tested and they say, yeah, yeah, yeah, i was, and ill tell you the results after we smash. laughter protecting a president has always cost money, lets be fair, but trump is a special case because this is the first time where the secret service also has to protect the president from himself. Watch out, mr. President , the stove is hot. Sir, what did i just say . Stop that. You want to touch it . Touch it, touch it no, i learned my lesson laughter just picturing him now. Are you going to touch it . No, no, im not touching. laughter we already know that since he became president , trumps travel has cost taxpayers about 100 million. What i want to know is a breakdown. I want to see a breakdown of what they spend on each member of the trump family, because i bet they spend a fortune to protect ivanka but they buy eric a gre groupon for karate lessons laughter madam tru true sad is families r wax creations but sometimes theyre famous fo for getting it wrong. A celebrity on madam yo true sow, nicki minaj. One tweet called it a mess and asked does google not exist . Trevor that is a terrible look replica of nicki minaj. Its almost like the sculpture focused so much on the ass that when he got to the days he was, like, im tired. I dont know. Instead of asking why doesnt the wax figure look like nicki minaj, i feel people should be asking the question why are we still making wax figures . In the 1700s when they started, made sense. You didnt know what people looked like. Now we have cameras. No one is out there i want to know what ed sheer han looks like but i want bees to be involved. I almost feel sorry for them. Even a candle is hard to make. One time i tried to make a candle for my mom and it came out looking like mitch mcconnell. Yeah, heres my big issue. Why did they make nicki minajs wax figure in that position . Like, you know what i mean . No, because everyone elses wax figure gets to stand. Beyonce stands, elton john stands. But nicki minaj is assup, like thats her natural position in life. She did that once. Its not like she goes to the grocery store, like, yes, yes, some milk, please, some milk. laughter if i was nicki minaj, i would be pissed off at that, the same thing when jesus comes back to earth, i was crucified one time and thats how you remember me . What about walking on the water . What about the the trick with the wine . And why do i always look white . What the hell is going on . applause lets move on to the top story lets talk about australia. Its the country you go to when you want to have an adventure but dont want to translate anything. Now, if youve heard about australia recently, its because your social media feed has been full of people asking you to pray for australia. So lets find out more about the crisis happening down under in our recurring segment, if you dont know now you know. cheers and applause like many places around the world, australia has an annual fire season, but thanks to Climate Change, this year its gone from being a season to a neverending nightmare. Halfway across the world a catastrophic situation is playing out in australia, where massive wildfires are forcing thousands of people from their homes. We knew the wildfires in california were huge in 2018, and last year the fires in the amazon were even bigger, but since september, the fires here in australia have already burned more than three times both those events combined. Firefighters facing a relentless battle. Skies thick with smoke and glairing orange. The fires generating so much heat authorities saying theyre creating their own weather system including several fire tornadoes. Trevor holy shit, fire tornadoes . You know Climate Change has gotten bad when were getting disaster mashups. You realize if we dont do something about Climate Change this could become the norm, like super disasters, like tsunami volcanoes or blizzard earthquakes and the most disastrous combination of all the emoji cats movie. And these fires, these wildfires have been catastrophic on many fronts, they cause dozens of death, they destroyed thousands of homes, and they have been especially devastating to australian wildlife. Firefighter are racing to save the wildlife amid those wildfires still raging. The staggering toll we have been reporting on here, now an estimated billion animals lost, experts say 80 of australias wildlife can only be found on this continent. Many are now threatened. And this temperature soared, koalas faced dehydration. This psych list gave water to a koala that couldnt drink enough. Trevor thats heartbreaking. Not just because so many animals are being wiped out, but australia has the coolest animals you cant find anywhere else. Which other country has an animal that has a fanny back on their belly or look like a beaver duck. And the helmsley brothers, we need them. Its heart warming to see people coming to the rescue of animals. Quick heads up, the koala population is riddled with chlamydia, so you may want to scrub that water bottom before you have sex with it. Yeah, you dont want to get your own personal bush fire. laughter now, australians arent just hurt and scared because of the fires now, theres also a lot of anger in the country and a lot aimed at the australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison who many australians feel hasnt handled the situation like a leader should. This nationwise crisis started back in september. The Prime Minister continues to face backlash over the response. Morrison had been heavily criticized for insisting that the responsibility belonged to state rather than federal government, and vacationing in hawaii during the fires. I get it that people would have been upset to know that i was holidaying with my family while their families were under great stress. Scott morrison set out for a Prime Ministerial moment on the fires front lines. Instead, rejection. A firefighter refusing the Prime Ministers handshake. Other residents heckled the Prime Minister. Dont come back youre not ~bleep welcome until he drove away. Tell the Prime Minister to go get ~bleep . We likely enjoy doing these ~bleep . Trevor wow, that is an angry australian man, and usually its hard to tell when australians are angry mostly because their accent sound upbeat hey, mate, i think going to stuff a bloody dingo up your ass hey, thank you laughter australians are angry at the Prime Minister because he was on vacation in crisis and didnt want volunteer firefighters to get paid even when risking their lives. The rest of the world is trying to help in a major way. Apocalyptic destruction and a global reaction, the largest Facebook Campaign ever has raised more than 30 million u. S. Dollars for firefighters. Lizzo tack a break from her tour in australia to help pack meals for fire victims. On monday a crew of 20 veteran firefighters from california who fought some of the states most devastating wildfires suited up and shipped out to melbourne. Caitlin is now known as the naked philanthropist. The 20yearold was offering to send nude photoso to people who made a donation. She said if they immediate a donation and sent proof she would send a nude photo of herself. She raised 1 million in donations. Trevor this woman raised 1 million in donations with nude photos. It shows you we can solve the worlds problems if we can harness the power of horniness. Imagine if people got a nude picture every time they recycled properly. People would get very diligent and recycling. Whats wrong with you, man . Plastic in the blue bin i want to see that ass laughter despite everyone whos chipping in, australia needs all the help it can get, so, please, if you can, go to the web sites on the screen and donate whatever it is. You can donate money, you can donate time, you can adopt the helms wortworth, every little bt help. Unless World Leaders take Climate Change seriously, situations like this will keep happening. If you dont know, now you know. Well be right back cheers and applause could switching to geico really save you fifteen percent or more on Car Insurance . Do woodchucks chuck wood . Hey you dang woodchucks, quit chucking my wood geico. Fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more on Car Insurance. Totally unrealistic never fritolaygoing to happenpresents in a million years mom fantasies mother, thank you for planning such an enriching camping trip for us. Please accept this as a token of our appreciation. Now let us sing to you. This will never happen. But this might. Theres like no reception im not sharing a tent ew bugs dibs on the fritos fritolay variety packs. Packed with possibilities. Hashtag vacay. Sonoma . I want wine with lunch. Its 11am, cindy. Thanks, captain obvious. Dont hatelike their trip, book yours with hotels. Com and get rewarded basically everywhere. Hotels. Com. Be there. Do that. Get rewarded. cheers and applause trevor welcome back to the daily show. Lets talk about arizona. Its the iran of the united states. cheers and applause its also one of the five or six swing states that decide americas general elections. So what makes them tick . What sets arizona apart . One thing, for instance, is theyre dealing with Climate Change, a crisis changing how people out there live their lives. Jaboukie youngwhite has more in our series the united swing states of america. Wildfires, flash floods and a dramatically shortened cuffing season, Climate Change is affecting america and nowhere more than phoenix, arizona. In phoenix, they say its too hot to fly. 44 people had to be rescued. Arizona officials are urging locals to avoid hiking during extreme heat. So i headed to arizona to find out for myself just how bad the heat can get. panting to explain the Science Behind my sweaty balls, i met with climate expert bryan stone. Climate change is very much happening today and has been with us for many decades, already. If you are under age of 34 toda laughter if . Trevor every month of your life is if im under 34. Trevor every month of your life has been in a climate that is much warmer than weve seen for thousands of years. Is that how old you are . laughter and third degree burns like that are becoming the new normal here in phoenix. Youre seeing 100 days a year with temperatures over 100 degrees. And there have been many warnings we havent listened to leading up to this point. Yeah. Nellie has been warning us since phoenixs 2003. I dont know anything about that. This pleading cry to the public, like, its getting hot in here, please, take off all your clothes. Yeah. And we didnt listen. Maybe. Bryan walked me through some of phoenix new climate adaptations like smooth reflective surfaces and, of course, landscaping, but the biggest change, arizona is shifting daytime activities to night. Thats right, its gotten so hot that jogging, hiking and even construction work are now happening after hours. What . So i went to do one of my favorite things hang out with a bunch of guys laying pipe. Do you do construction at night because its more fun . We do construction at night because its safer. Arizona temperatures are just too hard on the guys. If youre not prepared, well hydrated, youre going to end up in the hospital getting i. V. S ran through you. Gross. When the sun goes down, things at the concrete pour do get a little freaky. The guys got a vibrator on his back and thats concrete liquid and it vibrates the concrete and it surrounds the rebar. He has a vibrator on his back. That machine. Does he clean it off before he comes to work . He puts oil on it. Rights, i wanted to make sure were being sanitary. Absolutely. Its not all pleasuring concrete bridges to confusion. Working at night can affect cognitive performance and lead to tragic accidents. I cant find me i think my phone is in there Climate Change hasnt just affected these peoples jobs, its also changing the way people have fun. I met up with the arizona Trailblazers Club for a night hike. Heres a black light to look if theres any critters, scorpions, snakes what . Yeah, theres a lot of wildlife in the flora repeat that. What was that . Scorpions, we can look for them with the black lights. Scorpions glow under black lights . I have questions. Why do they glow . Is it because theyre covered in ~bleep . I dont believe thats the reason. And these scorpions were ready to pop off. Aaahhh hes pointing his tail at you. I think youve angered him. I thought he was waving. Because hes so little, he doesnt have venom, right . Thats the worst kind. The smaller scorpions are more venomous than the larger species. Stop, stop oh, my god he picked it up. Gary stop stop gary, stop playing i hope he comes back howling lost in the arizona desert. I felt like something couldnt get worse. One reply on my scorpion video crying when the sun finally rose i found out how arizona looked so beautiful without a flash light on it. Climate change must be in arizona today but its coming for the rest of america. Luckily, i knew just the plan to get the government to take serious action. Ive released 100 ~bleep scorpions into these chambers and the doors are locked until you pass comprehensive climate reform. No, i dont know why theyre covered in ~bleep cheers and applause trevor jaboukie youngwhite, everybody well be right back cheers and applause [ sigh ] [ deep breath ] 1917 is the winner of the golden globe for best director. Fall back and best picture, drama. If you dont get there in time, we will lose 1,600 men. Its a soaring tribute to heroism. We need to keep moving you keep hold of me come on and audiences give it an a. [ thrilling music playing ] i wrote this a long time ago. I dont know how old i was. I hope someday i will be on a real football team. Im katie sowers, offensive assistant coach for the San Francisco 49ers. Im not just here to be the token female, im here to help us win. The surface pro helps me get whats in my head and get it out on to the field. I would want to tell this little girl to keep pushing herself, your dreams coming. Awwww yeah. Thats the stuff. No really. Those are the actual ingredients. Funky rock track tostitos. [crunch] get to the good stuff. Tangerine i think i found you cheers and applause trevor welcome back to the daily show. My guest tonight is one of the best allaround players in the nba, star of the miami heat, a fourtime alldefensive and fourtime allstar. Please welcome jimmy butler cheers and applause trevor welcome to the daily show. I appreciate you. Trevor what a great time to have you on as well, because, i mean, you are an amazing basketball player but today you have been in the news for something that happened on the court that got someone thrown off the court, it was a little altercation you had with a pacers player. I didnt start it, though. We have to say that first. Trevor you didnt start it. I did not start it. Trevor but it gets heated. Whats interesting, i havent seen many fights in basketball that end with one person blowing a kiss at the other person. laughter ill agree with you. I

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