Trevor welcome to the daily show, everybody thank you so much for tuning in thank you for coming out as always, so much fun lets go this, everybody im trevor noah. Our guest tonight is an oscarnominated writer and director, whose new film is called Marriage StoryNoah Baumbach is joining us. cheers and applause brilliant filmmaker also on tonights show, disney plus has a rocky start. Roy wood, jr. Has some good news for a change, and President Trump faces his greatest enemy, books. laughter so lets catch up on todays headlines. Lets kick it off with the big news that everybodys talking about disney has entered the streaming wars. And for disney, the wait is over. Disney plus officially launches today. The news streaming service will feature franchises including marvel and star wars films. Disney plus will cost users about 7 a month. If new service will have tough competition going up against existing providers such as netflix and amazon prime. Does my plus stumbled out of the gate this morning. Many users seeing this error message here when they tried to use the new streaming service. Trevor oh, no disney plus launched today and almost immediately crashed. Which is too bad, but at least their error screen is really cute. Look at that. Although, as the day went on, it only got worse. laughter now, a lot of people are disappointed that they couldnt watch disney plus because, i mean, wherever else are they going to watch tv now . Turns out apples latest product is discrimination. With allegations of gender bias against apple over its new credit card. Apple cause it simple and secure. A credit card created by apple, not a bank. Apple and Goldman Sachs are accused of gender buys. David heinmyer hansen said he and his wife share assets and income but apple card gave him a credit line 20 times higher than hearse, even though she has a higher credit score. It seemed very discriminatory that i would get 20 times the credit limit, even though our stats were the same. Goldman says a computer algorithm made the decision. When hansen vented on twitter, social media, there were similar stories. Trevor apple, how could you . This is the most sexist product since the iphone that need to be unlocked with your penis laughter if youre going to be a credit card that discriminates, do it on what people bay. Like if you use your credit card to buy a bean bag and lava lamp, you shouldnt buy a credit card. Thats the way it should be. laughter like other forms of discrimination, this one might actually be addressed and i say that because the victims are the most millionaire white people i have ever seen in my life. Look at that couple. The only thing whiter than them is a panera gift card. So im excited they brought this out. Finally, in some Major International news, yet another latin America Country is saying adios to its president. Chaos in bolivia at president morales announced he is resigning after protest and calls from the military to step down. Former bolivian. Morales on a way to a new life after mexico granted him political asylum, he says it will prevent blood and grief in what supporters called a coup. Morales asked bolivians to take care of the peace and not fall into violence. It remains unclear who will lead bolivia. An extraordinary session of bolivia legislature is set for today. Trevor damn, now bolivias government has collapsed . South american countries are more chaotic than the second day at every jurassic park. I cant believe this happened the third time aaahhh laughter whats interesting about this story is unlike other countries in the region where leaders have been ousted, bolivia has been doing well. The economy has been booming, poverty is down, income inequality is declining, so the question is why did president morales get pushed out of office . Well, people like donald trump and marco rubio are saying bolivians forced president morales out because he was trying to stay in power too long with a fourth term. People like a. O. C. And sanders say bolivia didnt break laws, were just trying to overthrow a socialist leader. Who knows more than intersection ail fairs than donald trump . laughter all right, so now another south American Country has a power vacuum. No matter what you think of president morales, its chaos for a country to be leaderless. Can you imagine if it happened to america if trump just went away . Maybe thats a bad example. cheers and applause no no no cheers and applause no no any other country, any other country then. laughter be, like, trump is the only leader that can disappear and everyone would be, like, wow, this works better without him. You guys want to watch disney plus . Lets do it. Thats it for the headlines. Lets move on to the top story. applause trevor in the three years donald trump has been president , america has changed in many ways. The country is more divided than ever, official Government Policies are now announced on twitter, and the red phone in the white house now connects you directly to k. F. C. laughter but one change we didnt expect from trumps presidency was an explosion of books from antitrump books to books calling him the Second Coming of christ, weve seen it all, and who could have ever predicted so many books would exist, thanks to a president who cant read . laughter now, anyone can write book, and i do mean anyone. laughter but whats interesting is how many of these books were written by people who worked inside the white house. And the latest book making headlines comes from nikki haley, former ambassador to the u. N. And woman who just captured james bond. laughter and shes not holding back. In her memoir out this week nikki haley takes on former secretary of state Rex Tillerson and former white house chief of staff john kelly claiming the two men undermined and ignored President Trump from inside the white house. She writes they should have been saying that to the president , not asking me to join them on their side bar plan to undermine a president is really a very dangerous thing. Trevor okay. This is a bombshell i did not expect. Rex tillerson and general kelly were resist trump in the white house . That is shocking although it does explain why they were wearing those pussy hats, but, still, i mean, this is big news, because this book basically makes it sound like two of trumps top officials were constantly trying to stop trump from causing trouble or getting into trouble. You know its like that thing parents do when they swap a real thing with a toy from their baby, you know when parents do that . Whoa, whoa, give me daddys cell phone back and you can have the big boy phone. And the kid is like, hello, is this the president of ukraine give me the doo doo on biden okay, thank you, byebye he told me the cow says mooooo laughter thats basically what was happening. I have to say, this is a really complicated issue because, on the one hand, i understand where nikki haley is coming from. America voted for trump, he won the electoral college, his policies are what people voted for so his staff shouldnt try to undermine him. Although, he suggested nuking hurricanes. So maybe ~bleep him is a good idea . I dont know while nic nikki haleys book isl about trump, theres another message with a total opposite message, and this book is inside the white house. A warning creating instant shock waves. The anonymous author who claims to be a secret trump official describes him inept, describing fire drills where senior officials race to the fire house to prevent the president from enacting his latest wacky or destructive idea. The author saying president makes racist and misogynistic remarks, describing him as reckless and without full control of his faculties. Trevor oh, my god trump is erratic, racist and misogynist . Thank god we have this inside source how else would we have known . Oh, wow applause seriously, i dont get it. We all know this stuff, already. These are not revelations. This is like a spy coming out of russia, like you didnt hear it from me, but russia is very big. laughter i should go. I have said enough. laughter so look, the truth is if you want to learn something new about trump, this book is probably not going to do it for you, but one person who might actually have revelations about trump is john bolton, former National Security advisor and permanent got milk ad. laughter he claims to have unique Insider Information relevant to the impeachment probe, but hes not telling congress about it. He might be saving it for his upcoming book. An attorney for former National Security advisor john bolton revealed friday that bolton was personally involved in many of the events, meetings and conversations at the center of the impeachment probe as well as many relevant meetings and conversations that have not yet been discussed publicly. Bolton had been scheduled to testify as part of the impeachment probe last thursday but he did not appear. Bolton has a new book deal with simon and shuster and according to that deal the book is worth about 2 million. Trevor oh, i see, so bolton might spill the beans on impeachable offenses by the president but only for 2 million. Yes, hes truly the hero america deserves. Imagine if someone like that called 911, just, like, hello, police, theres a killer on the loose. Okay, sir, where is he . Venmo me 20 bucks and ill tell. laughter im not going to lie, im not expressed by the news of boltons book because whats the point of releasing anything on trump if it comes out next year . Impeachment will be happening now. Worst of all, bolton totally stole his cover from michelle obama. Dontiary what anybody says, that is not his look laughter so, look, the truth is whether its anonymous, nikki haley or john bolton, beneath it all, these books are trying to do the same thing, profit off the chaos, because these books dont help the country, they just trade on rumors and innuendo to make the authors money. If someone has valuable information about the president , they should tell the American People instead of holding out for a big payday. cheers and applause its about the president. Its about the country. applause and you know what . I actually think i know how we fix this. Like, im going to tell you how we fix this, in my new book laughter called, buy my book a book i want you to buy. cheers and applause for just 29. 99, you will learn Shocking Facts like trump is a bad person, trump has divided america, and mike pence seems like a weird guy. laughter but most importantly, my book finally reveals how americans can get trump out of office, so make sure you get a copy when it comes out in 2025. Well be right back. cheers and applause holy mother of thin. Look what we did we made it thin. How is this possible, you ask . Its not. But we gone done it anyway. Reeses thins. Not sorry. Hi, its real milk, just00 farmwithout the lactose, id. So you can enjoy it even if youre sensitive. Delicious. Now, ive heard people say lactaid isnt real milk. Tn, i guess those things over there cant actually be cows. Must be some kind of really big dogs, then. Sit bad dog. cheers and applause trevor welcome back to the daily show. You know, nowadays, it seems like every news story is upsetting politics, climate change, war in the middle east, war at popeyes laughter and i was chatting to my friend roy wood, jr. About this, and i was, like, yo, man, i wish we could take a moment to find news stories that are just fun, bring a little sunshine into our lives. So i asked roy if he could find some of those happy stories and thats exactly what hes done for our brandnew happy segment, a sprinkling of sunshine. cheers and applause aaahhh laughter hello, everyone. Im roy wood, jr. Today, i thought we would kick off our first sprinkling of sunshine with stories about animals because who doesnt love animals . They keep us company, help us with work and a certain horse helped me win 5,000, which i immediately lost when i doubled down on a certain number four fr horse, slow bastard. laughter my point is animals help us out and are cheering us up in the most cheerless place on earth, the airport. A therapy animal is hogging all the attention at the San Francisco international airport. You may have encountered lelou, billed as the worlds first airport therapy pig. Her main goal is to help passengers ease travel anxieties. Can pose for pictures, do tricks like a dog. Shes built a sense of community there and is house trained. laughter thats so adorable i feel that sunshine. The San Francisco airport got a therapy pig, which is great because its usually therapy dogs. This pig is a trailblazer. Shes the Jackie Robinson of pigs, but instead of home runs, lelous talent is not shitting on anyones luggage. You have to imagine, this has to be a hard job of lelou, she has to walk around the airport smelling bacon and not being freaked out if i walked in my office and it smelled like barbecue black guy i probably would take a shit on someones luggage. laughter applause just the first whiff. And i think animals make great therapists they listen, theyre loyal and, unlike human therapists, you can tell them about crimes you can commit and they cant stop you. So i think this therapy pig is a great idea, especially considering that, in america, one in five adults struggles with sommer form of Mental Illness but because theres a lack of resources people have to pig figure it out themselves or talk to a damn pig 0 minutes before the flight trevor roy, roy, what are you doing . We have to sprinkle sunshine, remember . Thats my bad, youre right. Sunshine, sprinkle the sunshine. I got carried away. laughter okay lets move from the cutest therapy pig to a rascally kitty. A houston Animal Rescue organization is desperate to get rid of this cute cat. They say quilty had to be sentenced to solitary confinement for continually letting other cats out of their enclosures. The serial offender was caught multiple times by staff at friends for life Animal Rescue and adoption setting his feline free from the senior room. Ethe cat is currently free visiting with a potential adoption family. He now has his own merchandise now. Trevor you have a rescue cat rescuing other cats forget that freaky ass cats movie. They need to make a movie about quilty breaking out, call it the paw shank redemption applause and Morgan Freeman can still narrate it it comes down to a simple choice, really, get busy scratchin or get busy dyin nine times. laughter good luck to any family that adopts quilty. They will be, like, hey, who opened the baby gate . Quilty will be, like, hey, i dont believe in keeping kids in cages. Maybe this cat should be in charge of the immigration policy instead of people who think its okay to rip thousands of kids from their parents trevor roy, roy, roy roy, i know this is important and we talk about immigration all the time but i thought we said just for this moment, sunshine. laughter were shining. Were good. Were sparkling. Were having a good time. If you want a good time, trevor, you want some sunshine, this last story is unbearably cute. Its about a bear but first, a bear got himself stuck in a tight spot near lake tahoe. Take a look. This is a 400pound bear, well known apparently to local sheriffs, and the deputies even have a nickname for him, that is tshirt because of the white spot on his chest, and they say they haveo often improvise when dealing with bears, doing what they can to keep them and everyone around them safe. That would be quite startling there. While deputies have to get close sometimes, they do warn people not to get too close to those bears. audience reacts damn a giant bear in a dumpster, that is both hilarious and a very common search on porn hub. laughter it also means doing chores in this town has got to be extremely dangerous baby, can you take out the trash . What . You trying to get me killed, woman, and take the Life Insurance i know what youre trying to do aint taking out no damn trash laughter also kudos for Police Officers in approaching the bear calmly and deescalating it calmly. I just wish black people in america could get the same treatment from police, that would be a wonderful thing trevor roy, roy it would be wonderful. applause maybe black people should start wearing bear costumes whenever we leave the house trevor roy, roy, all of this makes sense and i agree with you but we cant always be outraged. Thats what we said this would be about. Im sorry, thats my bad. Its just hard for me not to focus on all the bad news out there. Theres so much bad news out there. Trevor maybe you should talk to somebody about that. Im about to heado the airport. My therapy pig is flying in. Trevor roy wood, jr. , everybody well be right back [alarm bell rings] bang bang, there goes my bang bang, i want my bang bang, i want my bang bang go bang bang there goes my bang bang, go bang bang, there goes my bazooka go bang bang, there goes my bang bang, i want my mind blown, i want my mind blown go bang bang, there goes my bazooka does your battery deliver extra lifextra life. Power . Extra power. Extra life. Extra power. Extra life. Power. Life. Power. Extra life. No need to argue. Vs. Coppertop, new duracell optimum delivers extra life in some devices or extra power in others. Have you ever worked with dr. Francis . Oh yeah, hes ok. Just ok . Guess who just got reinstated well, not officially. Nervous . Yeah. Yeah me too. Dont worry about it, well figure it out. 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