Night tomorrow night is the final episode. Its going to go long. So remember to set your thing and bring a snack cuz were going to be here awhile. Here it is your moment of zen. The final tweet hitchbot said my love for humans will never fade. A thumbs up for people from the hitchhiking robot. Rage against captioning sponsored by Comedy Central larry tonightly, we are previewing the first debate of the 2016 election. Its debate eve and i cant wait to see what kind of crazy bleep santa trump leaves in my stocking. [ cheers and applause ] larry also, a uva Study Reveals that cool kids peak too soon. Now the authors of the study are now working on their next project, its titled what does a booby feel like. And Lenny Kravitz exposes his junk to an audience of thousands. And also his penis fell out. This is the nightly show lets do this [ cheers and applause ] larry thank you very much. Thank you very much. Thank you. Welcome to the nightly show. Let me tell you guys, there is nothing like getting a one person standing ovation. Thank you sir. bleep ing awesome, man. One guy is going larry. I am larry wilmore. Oh tonight comedians Craig Robinson and Jerrod Carmichael will join us on the panel tonight. Very exciting. Very exciting. Hilarious. But first id really like to take a moment to acknowledge the man who made this show happen jon stewart. Tomorrow jon will host his final daily show and i want to absolute him for a truly remarkable run. I mean he doesnt have anything lined up at the moment but jons brotherinlaw manages a bennigans back in jersey, i am just saying. He says they may have some openings at the end of august when kids go back to college so maybe that will turn into something. I dont know. But as a viewer, i am grateful for all the laughs and sanity he has provided over the years. And as a performer i am grateful that he had the confidence to entrust me with this show. And as a citizen, i am really grateful for all hes done helping get healthcare to our veterans and 9 11 first responders. [ cheers and applause ] thank you, jon. We are going to miss you, but difficult. We really are going to miss you, and jon, if you ever want to come to a taping, you know and hang out, right . Just visit the nightlyshow. Com tickets. And i guarantee they will hook you up, jon. They will hook you up all right. Oh. I am so excited you guys, time to get into tonights election coverage. What is happening with the unblackening . I know, i am actually giddy today. As the special day. It is crazy what the bleep is donald trump going to do debate day eve. [ cheers and applause ] larry thats right. Man, the first Republican Debate is tomorrow night. Man, i am so excited, literally i cannot contain my excitement, i feel like the leather pants at a Lenny Kravitz concerts. Okay. I know. I know. A couple of things. Number one, that actually did happen. We didnt make that up. Number two, i cannot now unsee it. Why did he have to show it again and again . Why did he do that . By the way that happens wherever Lenny Kravitz goes. I dont know if you guys he was at an olive garden, all hell broke loose. Dont touch it, it is not a bread stick kids. I am just here to report the information. All right. But anyhow speaking of dicks trying to get airtime, [ cheers and applause ] larry oh. Thank you very much. Who made the final count for the debate . The hottest ticket in the country is no longer available. Yes, its a soldout show in cleveland, this is the lineup, trump, bush, walker, huckabee, carson, cruz, rubio paul, christie and kasich. Whew, i am out of breath. Larry oh, Carol Costello you are out of breath . Well, you could have saved your breath and stopped after trump. Because thats all that i care about. And while donald trump may have an upon monoxide my on americas interest and the riches of the actual monopoly man he does not have a monopoly on crazy, in fact his craycray seems to be affecting all the other candidates, have you noticed that . They seem to be upping his craycray just to get some attention. Show what what i mean formerly thought to have been the craziest candidate ted cruz. Mmmm, machine gun bacon. Larry oh, ted cruz. That seems so reasonable to me now. I mean the barrel does get kind of hot. Right . I mean why wouldnt you put some bacon on it right . I wish you were the craziest one, but you are not. So stop it. Because you know what trump said . He said he was going to get the black vote. Oh, my god oh, ah, ha, ha, ha. Oh bleep that is so bleep ing crazy. He jumped trust you i am i mean the machine gun bacon did look crazy. Besides that, besides that okay, all right. It is the second most surprising. Oh what other candidate is up in the craycray. You said i like to pump them in the face. At the fascial level who deserves a punch in the face. Oh the National Teachers union. I have used Birth Control and not just the rhythm method, okay . So, you know my church, my church has a teaching against Birth Control does that make me an awful catholic . Larry no. It does not make you an awful catholic. It makes you an awful toastmaster. Those people are eating. And it is not just me who feels this way about Chris Christie his own supporters have hardened against him. That is what he said. Thank you, jeb, thank you. So they turned against him not for imagining him having sex but for actually seeing him display affection. I cant get the picture out of my mind after super storm sandy when obama landed in new jersey and he just cuddled up right, right up to him. I never forgive him for hugging shakedown. The shake down to get more money. You dont have to embrace him. Shake his hand. Thats right. These people dont forgive Chris Christie for hugging the president. During a national crisis. Its a hug, people. I mean are they worried that Chris Christie is going to catch black if he gets too close . Right . It doesnt even make sense. Guys guys, look, i have said it before, and i will say it again, black is 100 percent noncommunicable. You cant catch it from hugging or kissing or sitting on a toilet seat. Please read my pamphlet. Myths about catching black, a prevention guide for teens and gop candidates. Please. Okay. So heres the problem. Candidates not only cant out cray trump they cant even out cray the audience whos voting for trump. And no matter what you say to trumps audience they will not listen to you. He changed his views like he changes his underwear. Six out of ten people, six out of ten independents already said they will not vote for donald trump. I dont care. It doesnt matter. He donated to hillary. I dont care, i dont care. He donated to schumer. I dont care. He donated to all of these democrats. For the love of god, will someone let hodor speak please . I am just saying. It is very unfair. I want to find out how he feels trump does on giant issues. You know, like waiting periods for those spiky balls that you swing around on a chain. I just want to know. Sorry hodor, you will have to wait. All right, trump supporter is finished being mad about what is she mad about again . The other republicans better start making fun of him because they made fun of Ronald Reagan and i believe donald trump could possibly become the next president of the United States of america. You know what . This is the part that actually scares me. Okay . It would be easy for me to stereotype trumps supporters as dumb stupid voters who arent paying attention to issues and are just reacting emotionally. But it is possible they could just be like the joker and just want to watch the world burn. I dont know i dont know. But thats why the Republican Debate is so important. If the joker wins tomorrow and becomes more popular and continues to rise in the polls, the joke just might be on us. We will be right back. [ cheers and applause ] dennys new fantastic fourcheese omelette is packed with crispy bacon and fresh veggies. explosion check please introducing the fantastic fourcheese omelette. Dennys. Welcome to amercias diner. Fantastic 4, only in theaters. Only dove men care antiperspirant has 48 hour sweat Protection Plus 1 4 moisturizer technology. It keeps your under arms dry without irritation. Tough on sweat not on skin. This is smith forge hard cider. Its like jasper here. Strong. Sturdy. But not too sweet. [ male announcer ] built from apples. Built to refresh. Smith forge hard cider. Made strong. So, thanks again for inviting my cousin. I know youre not his biggest fan. Its just that hes. doorbell tim everyone tim tim. Tostitos rolls. Pass the queso. Tim, we need to hang out more. Timnado tbone actually, my name is brian. Ahhh. We can still hang out, brian. Tostitos rolls . The official chip and dip sponsor of the nfl. I really want a cupcake, but not the calories. Lil sweet sliding down the bannister. Ouuuh is someone cryin cuz they cant have a cupcake . I, i didnt cry. On the inside you did. Lil sweet can here that. He can . Dont worry, lil sweet brought you some sweeeet zero calorie treats called diet dr peppers. Oh yeaahhh. That is sweet. Lil sweet defying gravity is that lil sweet . Diet dr pepper. Its the sweet one. Is she after our liquid gold . Oh, she better not be. Our claim runs straight down to the glutn free stuffin. Its gluten. Theres gold in them thar shells. Liquid gold. Progressive insurance here and im a box who thrives on the unexpected. Haha shall we dine . [ chuckle ] you wouldnt expect an Insurance Company to show you their rates and their competitors rates but thats precisely what we do. Going up nope, coming down. And if you switch to progressive today you could save an average of over 500 bucks. Stop it. So call me today at the number below. Or is it above . Dismount oh, and he sticks the landing [ cheers and applause ] larry welcome back. I am here with my panel. Nightly show contributor, ricky velez. [ cheers and applause ] larry his new show the carmichael show premiers on nbc on august 26th, comedian and argument Jerrod Carmichael. And the star of the new show mr. Robinson, which can be seen wednesdays on nbc comedian and argument very funny man, Craig Robinson. [ cheers and applause ] larry so there are some changes going on in High School Advanced Placement courses. The cultural conservatives pushed for ap u. S. History to be more patriotic and emphasize they want to focus on american exceptionalism rather than americas faults. Okay . And republican candidate in fact, ben carson had this to say about some of the changes. I mean i think most people when they finish that course they would be ready to go sign up for isis. Okay. So is focusing on just the good parts of our history, is that good for kids . Or is that like, you know liking kris brown but for getting about his past . I mean well, i mean, i dont know. We cant remember america the way we remember our grandfathers. This is how grandfathers want to be remembered because every grandfather is horrible. Like every grandfather is father. Every grandfather is horrible. Even all of them they all like cheated on their grandma. It was cool. They all cheated on grandmother. Even the grandmothers cheated. You want history to be like grandfather. They want history to be like grandfather. He was great. Yeah, oh america is larry now you were a teacher. You really taught this in school. Yes. Larry what you know. Larry do you think it is dangerous. I think it is dangerous, those who dont learn history are condemned to repeat it so, you know. [ cheers and applause ] larry so are you saying we are going to have slavery again. That might be the goal. Larry you think people are just uncomfortable learning of the dark pa parts of our history, ricky. I dont think people i think conservatives are. Like why would you want to read a book about your great great grandparents being bleep . Thats what a textbook is. I mean, that greatest generation was also the racist generation. I am sorry, i am sorry, but it was. Like your grandpa. Just like your grandpa. I am sorry about my grandfather i want to like my grandfather. He is a racist bleep . All of them. Larry okay. Here are some of the things they are changing. Some of it is just language too. So the new version the term white superiority is deleted and that line is changed to say that extended contact with native americans and africans produced evolving religious cultural and i will religious justification for their subjugation. Thank you for the cruise line. And the cruise lines have brought the negroes over. For job security. I am sorry slavery job security. Slavery, zero unemployment rate. I mean, we are making a joke but they really did this. But i mean, they are going to learn about it anyway with the internet and then. Somebody is going to start a website like bleep learning history well, you can try but it is already you cant unrecord. You know like there are so many things you cant redact. Like everyone has access to that information and like you can fight it. I mean, that is why the president s seem to get worse because we know more. Like your grandpa. I i am so very sad about that. Oh, my god. But it is like when you go to a funeral for bleep and the eulogy, and the eulogy is nice and the whole time you are thinking those mother bleep er owes me 20. You cant like it. Larry does american exceptionalism mean anything to you guys . Should we be teaching, let me put it like this. Should we be giving an opinion about our history an or just give our history. Truthfully i think our dark parts of history contribute to american exception exceptionalism, it is not just slavery, it is the fact that from that came michael jordan, you know what i mean . The best flavor. , we are talking american prize slavery. No. Larry i know what you are saying. It became successful later. Like that is american exceptionalism. Like through the adversity monster trucks. Larry even monster trucks i mean okay. There was a study, university of virginia did, this is like a ten year study of cool kids. Okay . And i guess starting in middle school and high school it shows that cool kids peaked too soon, at all nerds are going to love this story, right . And they engage in risky behavior later that leads to their downfall and in other words nerds end up on top. [ cheers and applause ] lets just show some of our pictures when we were Like High School age, middle school age. Who do we have . Lets just oh that is me, oh, great. [ cheers and applause ] there is craig. [ cheers and applause ] what about jerrod. Thats me from like 2009. Larry now ricky. Was ricky in there . Lets see. [ cheers and applause ] that is graduation. I was killing the game. Wow. Okay. And now a stripper. Who was the coolest . Ricky. Ricky. Who was the nerdest. We will be right back if you want a paint with no harsh fumes. If you want a paint without harmful chemicals. If you want a paint thats safer for your family, and the environment. Only this can. Natura from benjamin moore. Paint like no other. Certified asthma and allergy friendly by the asthma and Allergy Foundation of america. Give it to me im worth it. Baby im worth it. Uh huh im worth it. Gimme gimme im worth it. Give it to me im worth it. Baby im worth it. Hello not getting enough oomph out of your energy drink . Then try an extra strength 5hour energy shot. 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Which means fewer costs, which saves money. Their Customer Experience is virtually paperless which saves paper, which saves money. They have smart online tools so you only pay for whats right for you which saves money. They settle claims quickly which saves time, which saves money. They drive an allhybrid claims fleet which saves gas, which saves money. They were born online, and built to save money, which means when they save, you save. Because thats how it should work in the modern world. Esurance. Backed by allstate. Click or call. Larry okay. Welcome back. Its now time for the segment we like to call keep it 100. [ cheers and applause ] larry once again for all you people who dont know that expression, it means to keep it 100 percent real. Right . So i will ask you a question. If you keep it 100 percent real you will get a sticker. If not you get everyone is okay out there. Somebody needs some weak tea out there. We will start with you. Okay. You have access to an actual real life hot tub time machine. Okay . You can go back in time and prevent slavery. You can actually do this. But here is the glitch. There is a 90 percent chance you can go back to 1518 which allows you to prevent slavery and a ten percent chance that the machine takes you back to 1815 and you will be captured as a slave. Okay . Whoa. Do you go back. Yes. Ten percent chance you might be captured. [ cheers and applause ] you know we may just be reading in our history books, 1815 and what is this time machine. You also have a time machine and fix all the issues that give you anxiety today. Ricky suffers from anxiety he talked about it very honestly, now, unfortunately anxiety, we found out that anxiety makes you funny so if you get rid of it you will no longer be a comedian or you can go back and give yourself way more anxiety and be the best comedian of alltime. It has to be one of the two. But you have to stay in your house and get rid of it . No and people will let me smoke all the pot whenever i want. I am keeping it. No. You are not just keeping it. You are maxing it out. Thats