(laughter) storage room, bike club facility they let me use the presidential campaign. people don't -- they're not interested. i don't -- i should have -- should have (bleep) turned the lights on. (laughter) i say to you, take heart young robert jindal! your time is acoming. >> the supreme court dealing a major blow to president obama. >> after a series of losses, conservatives get a victory at the u.s. supreme court! >> jon: oh! what did they get? did the court reaffirm america as official? did they declare reagan on all our currency? oh, oh -- can the eagles drive now what constitutes this conservative victory? >> today the united states supreme court ruled that a controversial drug used in executions does not violate the constitution. >> the supreme court tossing out the environmental protection agency's first-ever rules requiring power plants to cut emissions of mercury and other air pollutants. (laughter) >> jon: congratulations. (laughter) what a great victory. (laughter) so, yes, gay people have the right to marry, and poor people have the right to insurance but on the bright side americans can still prisoners painfully and everyone else slowly. (cheers and applause) what the (bleep)! well i guess let's start with the state-sanctioned agony case. >> shortly after oklahoma began pumping a lethal combination of drugs into the arm of convicted murderer clayton lockett something went wrong. death penalty opponents sued saying the first of three drugs failed to render him unconscious, exposing him to intense pain, cruel and unusual punishment. >> what's cruel and unusual anyway? i mean for instance, killing a man by starvation that's cruel. but is it unusual? on the other hand, killing a fellow with great sex until he dies of exhaustion very unusual... but not that cruel. (applause) you really have to check the cruel and unusual punishment matrix. (laughter) the sweet spot is somewhere -- torn apart by clowns? that is (bleep). (laughter) you really can't be torn apart by clowns. but the court isn't just the favor of americans being able to poison prisoners, the court is in favor of poisoning everybody. >> the reversal last week dealing a blow to president obama. >> this is a victory for private industry. >> in general a rare win for the coal industry. >> win for the energy industry. a victory for business... >> jon: they seem really giddy about the victory. you know the losing team in that game was -- lungs. you know that, right? i don't care if it (bleep) lungs, business rules. (laughter) for more on the latest court rulings we go to klepper in washington, d.c.! jordan! (cheers and applause) >> jon: yeah! yeah! oh man! we did it, john! high five me, bro! >> jon: jordan, i can't high five you. you're 200 miles away. but you're still riding a high from that last week's marriage ruling. >> jordan: what? no! i'm celebrating yesterday's huge wins for big energy and big painful execution. hey, america, how about a lethal injection of constitution juice! my insides are burning with pride. chest bump me, bro! >> jon: don't know what's worse, your sense of spatial relations or your idea of justice. >> jordan: john after a week, the supreme court brought justice back to america. the place where big business wins, hard to breathe and we get to decide how to super pinefully decide your death. that's the country i'm proud to fly me confederate flag over. (cheers and applause) >> jon: c'mon, jordan, you know that's not cool anymore. >> jordan: oh, i'm sowwy, does my pro-slavery, anti-american wacism flag offend your dewicate p.c. sensibiwities? >> jon: i don't know it's p.c. sensibilities! >> you can't say all "all mexicans are rapists" without getting your beauty pageant pulled from a major network anymore. >> jon: they're clamping down on free speech anymore. >> jordan: and what's more american than that? jon, i'd all but lost my faith in this country... storm clouds were gathering. until yesterday, when five supreme beings showed me a silver lining, which actually turned out to be a mercury-based undercoating. point is, the america i love isn't slipping away. there's proof everywhere you look. >> mcdonald's is beefing up one of its burgers. the fast food chain is coming out with a bigger quarter pounder patty next month. >> you redefined marriage! we're redefining how much a quarter pound weighs! (cheers and applause) i can't wait to see what we think of next! hey, what's an oil-rich nation we can start a war with? >> jon: norway? ordan: done. we're coming for you, you pasty, fjord-having mother (bleep)ers! yee-haw! yee -- (coughing violently) >> jon: jordan, are you okay? ordan: it's just the mercury shutting my lungs down. jon, i need you to give me cpr. >> jon: but i'm so far away! can't you find nine one closer? >> jordan: it can only be you! i need those tiny hands on my chest and those soft jersey lips on my mouth! >> jon: because i like you kid, i'm comin' for ya, buddy! (cheers and applause) >> (dying) jon, it's too late. (singing) ♪ oh pollutiful ♪ ♪ for contaminacious skies ♪ ♪ god bless our mercury... ♪ >> jon: don't leave me klepper! don't leave me, boy! we'll be right back. you're going down! 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(cheers and applause) >> jon: welcome back. we've spent a lot of time this past week on issues that divide us. but i'd like to turn now to something essential and permanent that stands outside the daily strife and hullabaloo. i'm referring, of course, to tea. a humble handful of leaves. some boring old water straight from the tap. but put them together, and something magical happens. so if you're willing, i'd like to take you on a journey of appreciation through the world of high-end looseleaf teas. let's begin with oolong -- >> hamm: jon if i could interrupt for just a second... (cheers and applause) >> jon: jon hamm? hey, you're the only other person on tv who spells jon correctly? >> hamm: ugh! "jon" with an h? an abomination. >> jon: an abomination. you're a little early, but come on over. let me just get another cup! >> hamm: actually, i'm here to right a grievous wrong. i have been watching you for 16 long years and there's one thing nobody really talks about. >> jon: what's that? your voice, jon. your glorious voice. your voice is like bette midler, barbara streisand and luciano pavarotti had a threesome, and then gave birth to the perfect set of vocal cords -- yours. >> jon: oh, stop it... (cheering) >> so tonight, we celebrate what you've likely wanted all along, to teach the world to sing. (cheers and applause) ♪ welcome to "the daily show" ♪ ♪ i'm jon stewart ♪ ♪ don't go chasing water on mars ♪ ♪ if you like pina coladas and like to party ♪ ♪ come with me on the vacation ♪ ♪ the western wings ♪ ♪ karl rove just joined the executive ranch ♪ ♪ can't a girl get a wet one when it's time to change ♪ ♪ coo buyia my love ♪ ♪ the stars! ♪ ♪ i like big butts ♪ ♪ the pope is on the corner ♪ ♪ in new york ♪ ♪ the hills are alive ♪ ♪ i just voted yes ♪ ♪ well, hello...♪ papa, can you hear me ♪ ♪ rowe v. ♪ ♪ everything's coming up roses ♪ ♪ looks like we made it ♪ ♪ clang clang, clang with the health care ♪ ♪ ultrasound...♪ sometimes we screw up ♪ ♪ hold on, it was a very good -- ♪ ♪ ow! ♪ (singing) ♪ america ♪ ♪ (bleep) ♪ ♪ (bleep) ♪ ♪ (screaming) ♪ (cheers and applause) >> jon: wow. wow. jon, i can>> jon i can honestly say nothing on this earth produces a sound quite like yours -- (teapot screaming) >> i stand corrected. there it is. >> jon: we'll be back everybody. 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(cheers and applause) >> jon: this guy has a film coming out called "minions." >> let's do this! ook! who's this handsome herb fellow? no my name is blurb. prayer for torture, which i do! all right are we come comfy? doesn't matter, this is torture! (screaming) >> there you go. wow, harder than i thought. >> jon: join back to the program jon hamm! (cheers and applause) ♪ have a seat young man! thank you, sir! >> jon: now, here's what i hope this movie is about -- >> okay. >> jon: nine jewish men -- (laughter) -- looking for a tent -- >> yes. >> jon: so they may celebrate. and you would have thought they would have spelled it correctly. >> jon: right. tell me that's not a good road movie. >> tell me. >> jon: "minions"! "minions"! not for nothing, you're going to have free time on your hand. >> jon: nothing but free time. i will be the designated minion-maker. >> there you go. >> jon: i will be going around to nine groups of jewish people saying, you need a pen? you want to play? what do you want to do? >> you have a briefcase that lights up from the inside, has all your stuff. >> jon: i'm the minion man. i would like that very much. >> great. >> jon: there are many things i would like to do. let me ask you what would you do if you were me. you're always working. if you have nothing but time, what's in the hamm bucket list? >> i would go places. >> jon: all right. you don't want to go places? >> jon: no, sometimes the food, diarrhea, the whole thing -- >> where would you go if you could bring food? >> jon: where would you like to go? >> all of scandinavia, i've never been. and i've never been north of the arctic circle. i want to see the northern lights. the iceland. >> jon: you lookout doorsy. youtake bear with you. >> do you think he would go. >> jon: does that count as a minion? >> i think so! >> jon: i've never been to scandinavia. i've never traveled much of anywhere. i have been to buffalo. >> me, too. scandinavia. >> jon: is there a time of year when it's more temperate. >> i'm thinking now. >> jon: it's all lights now. it's never darkness now, and we would only have to really drive ourselves mentally insane staying up all night. that would be fine. >> two jobs, hitting the road, going to scandinavia. >> jon: to find eight jews and that's what we'll find out. what are you doing now? the minions thing, my kids -- >> they'll probably be into it. >> jon: they're bonkers for it. they're 19 and 18. >> then they'll definitely go for it. >> jon: a lot of dough. worth that. >> jon: there is very few things that come on that get their attention. >> i think these little minions are scientifically designed to be appealing to children and not only children but adults. i think the reason they're appealing to adults is because they look like capsules, they look like pills. so people are like, oh, i'm used to that. >> jon: i get that. you know what movie i want to see? the xanax movie. >> xanax, xanax -- what's it called -- oxy con. that's a great movie. >> jon: i bet they designed the (bleep) out of that. they tested, that's too pointy -- >> no, you want them round, marginally squishy -- (laughter) >> jon: in many ways, they did design it like children's crack like it's something that just goes -- >> i'm going to get in so much trouble from universal from this. >> jon: you know what they're doing at universal with you talking like that? yeah... (laughter) >> talk to me more about this children's crack (laughter) we would like to work on the other minions movie about the jews. no, no, let's go with that children's crack story. >> jon: you think if they did the movie we're talking about they'd redesign the jews so they would be more appealing? >> they would be more rounder, more squishy and marginally more yellow. >> jon: we'd end up like cartoon knish's -- (humming) (laughter) does that work? >> yeah. want to stay what happens? >> jon: do you get news on it? robert sent me a text. >> jon: did he know you were on the show? >> yeah. >> jon: can you text him back? we're going to watch the women's world cup game after this (applause) >> jon: how much of a chance do you think they have against germany? because that team is -- >> we're going to win! >> jon: do you need me to answer that? you need to answer it. i'm worried it's going to blow up. answer it! >> it won't blow up. the more important thing is we're going to beat germany. are you from america? the young lady up there is from chile -- oh, from colombia. her boyfriend is from chile, and he is -- he's rooting for colombia. >> he beat colombia in the previous round. colombia had a lot of big words. >> jon: there was a men's. this is the women's. now i'm just getting in trouble. (laughter) so you believe germany -- you say the u.s. can take them. >> yes. >> jon: they're very difficult. i believe in the u.s. women but that's going to be a tough game. >> you believe in u.s. women in general or just the team? (cheering) because the correct answer is both. >> jon: i believe the correct answer is women! movie out on july 10 and you can see jon hamm in the arctic looking for -- the northern lights with me. jon hamm, ladies and gentlemen. we'll be right back! 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(cheers and applause) >> jon: that's our show! join us tomorrow night at 11:00. tomorrow night at 11:00 by, the way i believe our guest senator gillibrand will be joining us. right now, your moment os zen. >> when i hear the media say our country is angry, i know they're wrong. last year i went to 37 different states across this country in one year. i met people in every corner of america, and they are not angry. americans are not angry. americans are filled with anxiety.dia access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org [light music] ♪ ♪ once a month, when the moon is a waxing gibbous we have to have procreation sex with our dumb husbands. (beatrice) first, we have to do a ritual dance to ensure we have a male heir. this world does not need more girls. [wild tribal music] i don't know why we took all that land from the indians if we're just going to act like them. i'd rather give birth to a goat than another girl. at least a goat might have a good idea once in a while. [screams] i'm ready. having sex with albert is like being penetrated by a runny egg. [sighs] [grunts] yeah, there it is. well, having sex with victor is like drowning under a quilt moistened by halitosis. (victor) all right, here we go. oh. [groans] oh, victor. oh, victor. make your voice really deep. [deep voice] oh, victor. uh... [laughs] that's it. that's it, yes. victor. oh, god. okay. good. aah! [hums] there and... - [groans] - ah. done. ouch. ow. ow. good. how did he get on the bed? i'm so surprised that he's here. what? you're fired!

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