Steven mcrae, welcome to hardtalk. We're here at the royal ballet and opera in london, which has been your professional home for many years now, and you're about to go back on stage as the mad hatter in alice's adventures in wonderland. Tell me first how this adventure began for you, the world of ballet. Because you grew up far away from here. Yes. So i grew up in the outskirts of sydney, australia. Probably the furthest you could possibly get from the royal opera house here in london. I grew up in a motorsport family. My father was a drag racer. My father was an incredibly clever man who would create any parts with his own bare hands that he couldn't afford to purchase or to import. But i obviously grew up watching him pursue a passion. My sister did a lot of gymnastics, a bit of dancing, and as a seven year old, i asked my father if i could have a go. I wanted to go to a dance lesson, and my mother and father didn't even question any of it. Bearing in mind we didn't go to the theatre, we didn't go to galleries, or. . . I was not exposed to the arts. But they found a local school around the corner, and we now can fully appreciate that little local school had some of the best teachers you could ever come across. And you had this very rapid rise through your teens. You performed at the opening ceremony of the sydney olympics, and then you started to win international ballet competitions. The first teachers i had unleashed this tiger within me. So then it was when i was about 13 or 14, another ballet teacher that i was taken to, which again shows you just how incredible my first teachers were, that they felt they'd taken me so far, and it was time to hand me on. They introduced me to my teacher in sydney, hilary kaplan, and it was her who said to my parents, your son could do this. He could actually, he could go all the way and and join the royal ballet company, and this could be his life. So that was so foreign to us. As soon as she said royal ballet, i thought it was in melbourne or something. But when you came here and you went through the ballet school, and then you got a job at 18 with the royal ballet, that kind of pressure on a young person, what was it like? when ijoined the school, this is well over 20 years ago now. The safeguarding rules and things were a very different world then. So the school had no room in the accommodation, so i was put in a hostel. I didn't know a soul. I didn't have any guardian here in the uk. There was there was no family to go to on a sunday to have a roast. But i was on this mission. I was on an absolute mission to fulfil this passion of mine. I had no idea what world i was entering, ijust loved it. So at the age of 18, joining the company, i'd been in london forjust over a year and if i'm really truthfully honest, i was riddled with homesickness. It was it was quite crippling. At times i would break out into rashes and of course with my colouring, it was just assumed. Oh, you've got sensitive skin and you know, here are some creams. Thankfully, now with much more open talk going on about the mental health and wellbeing of all of us, notjust high performing artists and athletes. And i can look back at it now and say, well, obviously i was riddled with anxiety, and i guess that that torn feeling deep within of i've given up and sacrificed my family on the other side of the world and putting myself and my passion first, ahead of anybody else. The only way i knew how to deal with that was to dig deeper and throw my head even deeper into the profession, which is absolutely what i did. Did your first major role come about because someone was injured and you had to step in? yeah, that's correct, it was in my first season. There was a fantastic ballet called symphonic variations by sir frederick ashton, and the casting went up and i was an understudy. It's just three principal men and three principal women. As an 18yearold, that's a huge honour to see your name put up as an understudy. As the rehearsal process went on, one of the dancers got injured and ifound myself on the opening night on the royal opera house stage next to, you know, these dancers, these artists that i had so admired. My first big, full length principal role was romeo in sir kenneth macmillan's romeo and juliet. And again, that was not planned, it was a last minute injury. I wasn't even the understudy. And five days later i did the opening night of that role. You've seen the other side of that now, haven't you? because in your years dancing here, you have had some pretty serious injuries, so you now know what it feels like to be the one who definitely gone to the other side, who can't carry on. Yeah. And in some cases your injuries have happened in really on stage in and really, you know, in the most dramatic way possible. Yeah. So in 2019, i was on stage performing sir kenneth macmillan's manon, a ballet that actually at the age of 14, when i had started to focus on ballet, transformed my entire view of what dance actually was. Towards the end of act two, i took off for a jump and my achilles snapped right in front of 2500 people. It's obviously the worst nightmare for an artist or an athlete to have any injury. Did you know immediately what had happened? yeah. Because you felt it or you. . . ? yeah. So some people experience the sensation or the sound of a gunshot going off. For me, it sounded like a plank of wood, like a doorstop, a wedge that we use in sets to stop them sliding around. So for me, i took off forthejump, and i heard, i thought i'd tripped over something. So of course, 2500 people orchestra going, you're alone on stage. You of course, carry on. The show must always go on. But i literally had no leg to stand on, so immediately, the shock, the adrenaline is removed from you, without being too graphic, it felt like somebody was just slicing through my leg. And that's all magnified with the humiliation of it actually happening publicly. Because you feel it's your fault? well, every time i step on stage and it won'tjust be me who feels this, i feel a huge responsibility to the audience. For me, there could be somebody in that audience that it'll be the one and only time that they will experience that art form. Do you look back now and think these injuries are avoidable if training, if rehearsal, if this world is handled or managed differently, if the expectations are different? yeah, absolutely. If you look at any top performing world, whether that is the performing arts, the world of sport, you see this pattern, this parallel between all the professions that this sense of burnout almost becomes the norm. It's accepted that, well, anyone who wants to succeed and achieve, they're going to hit this wall of burnout. And then they decide, yes, i want to carry on or i step away. At the time i was unaware that i was actually in an extreme state of burnout. I'd become a father. I had two young children at the time. There was so much going on. I was performing every role you could ever dream of, working with the greatest ballerinas and choreographers. The full support of my director, kevin o'hare. And so, of course, for myself and for everybody around me, there was no chance that anybody was witnessing any sniff of burnout from me because it looked as if i was flying high. But are you saying that burnout and its effect is not only psychological, that there was this perhaps there was something that made you weaker and made that injury more likely? yeah, it genuinely, if you look at our profession, the workload is too high. And the royal ballet has really tried to embrace the need for change in this area. So we have an incredible sports department. We have a medical team now where we have sports scientists tracking workload. How manyjumps we're performing in that particular ballet and how does that overlap with the multiple productions? so the company are very much pushing ahead and trying to find new ways. Now. But at the time. . . Of course. At the time, that was not the case. It was, you know, very much that environment that of course, you say yes to everything. People still want to say that this career is short. So in your head, if you say no, then perhaps you won't get that opportunity again. Of course you can't turn back time and say i would have done it differently, but that was the circumstance at the time. But i wonder if there is something that is so unique, perhaps even so extreme, about ballet, that makes it difficult to pursue excellence in the same way, if you put a kinder, gentler framework around it. I mean, i'm struck by what carlos acosta said about how he saw ballet as a living sacrifice, that you wake up every day and you hammer your body, putting your own health at risk to give other people pleasure. There's something about that that can't be right. Yeah. And i think the difficulty is that for a profession like this, many dancers start at a young age, at an age where they have no concept of what the professions actually like, what the human body goes through, what it's like to be an older adult. You're young, you just want to do it, you have the passion. So you're unaware of, i guess, the consequences. But there are adults around you who should who do know? you who should, who do know? yeah, exactly. Exactly. And again, things have now developed and moved on. We have a long way to go of course, we still need to, i think, embrace far more of the world of sport within our industry, which of course opens a whole other discussion of, well, are we artists or athletes? and. . . And you think? well, i believe that we're artists who have to behave like athletes. What we require of our own bodies, that's before you talk about what any school or company then asks you to do. What we're personally asking our bodies to do is, it's not sustainable to be in peak condition. Six days a week, every week of the year. And that is the reality still in many of these companies that the need to obviously have people come to our theatre and enjoy these extraordinary art forms means that the demand is there for us to be performing regularly. And to look pretty perfect. I mean, we should talk about the appearance side of all of this, because that's something most sportsmen and women don't have to think about to any degree, in the way you do. Is ballet unhealthy in its emphasis on body shape? if you lined all of us principal dancers currently at the royal ballet in a line, it would be impossible for anybody to say that is the ideal body type. And so i believe that the narratives now, it's got to completely shift. It's not about what is the body type or you need to look a certain way. It's about the actual health and physicality of the individual unique body. If you look that way and you've achieved that in the healthiest of ways possible to have a long, healthy career, but also go beyond your career and actually be a healthy human individual, then that's what the focus needs to be. But i wonder, perhaps that's more true for men and boys than for women and girls. Would you acknowledge that that, the that the pressures on female dancers are more extreme? historically, i agree and i absolutely agree. And i also believe that that narrative is shifting the concept of or the pressure being put onto the ballerina to look a certain way. I hear what you're saying, and yet i wonder to what extent things have really changed. You still hear girls, or now women who've been through ballet schools talking about, you know, comments made about their weight or being appreciated more when they've lost weight or, or even, you know, sleeping with cling film around them to try and sweat off weight. I mean, you're nodding, you've heard you. You've heard. You know, this kind of thing goes on. It does still go on, doesn't it? i mean, i definitely know stories of this. I've had, you know, colleagues as students who believed that that was something they needed to do. I never once witnessed any teacher saying to a student that that's what they needed to do. I think now, because the industry has evolved so much and it is starting to really embrace the world of sport, we now realise that of course, that's ridiculous. I honestly believe that it's how the artists reach over beyond the orchestra pit, grab the audience's heart and rip it out. And for me, it's not about how the dancer looks. For me, the artist needs to be healthy, enriched, if the artist is not truthfully feeling that they are flying, how on earth are they going to make the audience feel that way? and did the younger you feel enriched and feel healthy? because just on body shape your body has changed, hasn't it? you are a lot more, um, muscly, you know, your your body is different now to how you were ten years ago. Definitely. So when you look at your body shape when you were younger, what do you think? yeah. So, i look back at the younger me and just think, how on earth did i do what i was doing? i have photos of me holding my newborn daughter, and i look like a 12yearold boy. . . So skinny?. . Holding my daughter. So not even just skinny. I look drawn and exhausted. It upsets me because of course at the time i thought that that was the ideal and i'm pretty sure that i would not have opened my mind that much if i hadn't experienced for myself what it is to actually rebuild the body from scratch again. In some ways, what you're saying is quite an indictment of the system that you've spent a lot of your career in, and you're now in a senior position when you have the confidence to say what you are. So if you are running a ballet company because, you must be thinking about what you do next. You are now 38, which in your world is at the more senior end, shall i say. . . Nicely put. . . Of being a principal dancer. So what would what would the stephen mcrae ballet company look like? how would it be different from the from the world you have known growing up front and centre? you have known growing up? front and centre every decision is about the dancer. So when you're looking at the workload, the casting, the number of casts, how is that having an impact on the dancer and work backwards from there? backwards from there. Of course i love i would love our theatres to have a performance on every single night, but then again, work backwards. How do you achieve that in the healthiest way possible? it's just i think learning again from the world of sport how to work efficiently. There used to be a culture in the world of dance that the only way to achieve something is repetition. Do it again, do it again, and let's do it six days in a row. And we know scientifically that that's not the case. The royal ballet is at the forefront trying to make that happen. But we need as an industry to really, really change it. And at the same time of bringing new audiences in, because i'm struck by the fact that the production that you're returning to on the stage here, the role that you're returning to, is the mad hatter. It's a role that combines tap and ballet, doesn't it? which goes back to your roots in some ways, because you were known for tap before you were known to this extent in ballet. People always say, oh, you're a ballet dancer. And yes, i'm, i'm a principal dancer of the royal ballet, but i always have just seen myself as a dancer. I'm an artist. And when alice's adventures in wonderland was created, the choreographer christopher wheeldon knew that i had tapped. And he's very clever at amalgamating styles and bringing different influences into his choreography. So yeah, the tap shoes were requested and. . . You must have been surprised because they they are very different disciplines, aren't they? they are but then if you look at gene kelly, fred astaire, they were amalgamating the styles then. And that's i think, the beauty of it. We do now have mor