to the talk. yesterday is living his dream, he is an internationally acclaimed concert pianist and successful recording artist but read his account of his life and it resembles a nightmare, when he is away from the piano, james rhodes is still haunted by the violent sexual abuse he suffered three years on the age of six. he has written about how it drove him to drink, take drugs, self harm, and spend time in a psychiatric hospital. and how he was saved by music, only rediscovering in his 30s that he could really play the piano. but in this latest book, he recounts what his successful life really feels like, and it is almost unbearable and distressing to hear. how could he lived with the pain of the past? —— how can he. james rhodes, welcomed the hardtalk. it is nice to be here, thank you. quite a dramatic introduction, i have to say. quite a dramatic look. yeah, possibly. and you intended it to be. no, i never intended to be. the whole drama thing, i've had quite enough of. sometimes it can be quite enough of. sometimes it can be quite sensational as the talk about certain topics and to me, what i really wa nt certain topics and to me, what i really want to do was just tell the truth and be transparent. and so, so much of our lives today seem to entail kind of perfectly curated instagram selfie ‘s and pretending everything is a certain way and that we somehow have all the rules and we know how to live perfectly well, and actually, i think the reality, certainly for me and i think for a lot of us, is very different, that actually life is quite challenging and it can be quite messy, and it is 0k to kind of admit is the wrong word, but it is ok to say that, talk about it, be open about it. and you have been very open about it in your book but the descriptions seemed that almost any time that you are away from the piano, on your own, you almost in a state of constant torment. is that unfair? do you know, it is probably not unfair. i think when you put it like that, god, ifeel more think when you put it like that, god, i feel more depressed think when you put it like that, god, ifeel more depressed now think when you put it like that, god, i feel more depressed now than when i came in. i... no, actually, i think it is unfair, i would not say almost any time. there are more moments that i feel quite co mforta ble moments that i feel quite comfortable with my place in the world, but there are a surprising number, large number of moments where i do feel very tormented, but i think the thing is, i don't think iam i think the thing is, i don't think i am alone in that. i really think that many of us wake up a lot of mornings with that idea of god, i have had too much to drink last night —— think last night and ijust had those voices and all that dialogue going on, today going be awful. you look at yourself in the mirrorand awful. you look at yourself in the mirror and you just think oh god, i ama mirror and you just think oh god, i am a disaster. ifeel destroyed, i do not think that is on common. but it is quite extreme review. it is extreme with me only because of where it could be potentially, only because of... because of where you have been in the past? exactly, because they have history being in various locked psychiatric wards and suicide attempts, and ami various locked psychiatric wards and suicide attempts, and am i suppose understandably nervous about going back there, so when i have a bad day and things seem to be spiralling out of control, idp is that i am not too long away from ending up back where i was long away from ending up back where iwasa long away from ending up back where i was a few years ago. -- is that. and we can hearfrom a i was a few years ago. -- is that. and we can hear from a concert last year, when you were playing chopin, andi year, when you were playing chopin, and i suppose this is the dayjob. yes. it is awful, watching that. it is like hearing your own voice on an answering machine. no one watching this will know what an answering machine is, will have voice mail now, but do you remember when you we re now, but do you remember when you were a kid annuity your own voice and you would go a god? what do you think? probably the same thing that you think when you see yourself on tv or what journalists you think when you see yourself on tv or whatjournalists think when they are reading articles they have written, it is just slightly uncomfortable. when you are actually paying its? that is the best, time just disappears and that is why i think it is important to find something that you love, something thatis something that you love, something that is ideally created. the big problem that i have fallen for and i think we all have it is that we are not designed to live the way we are living in 2018, we are just not built for it. we looked outside of ourselves all the time to try and fix what is happening on the inside, and without sounding too much like deepak chopra, it is not working. i do not think it works to get self—esteem from how many retreats we get on twitter or how many facebook friends we like, or if we get the shiny new iphone before anyone else. that is not the point, the point is i to find something, that awful word mindfulness, but the point is we go inside, rather than outside. that is what music does to me, what art does to some people, or painting. it is always music. it is music that safety but the cause, the reason you need savings because what happened to you when you were six? yes and no, personally yes, look around you, i think the kind of all need saving, we have all experienced former, i think there is no question about that. whether it is parents divorced, disease, people dying, you cannot quantify trauma, that is the point, it is part of the human condition. year, it was extreme. it was the age of six when you are very violently raped. yes, for a long time, for many years, to the point where it ended up with spinal surgery where it ended up with spinal surgery is to try and repair all the damage, physically, the emotional stuff is still there. 0bviously damage, physically, the emotional stuff is still there. obviously does not take a rocket scientist to figure out if you take a six—year—old and you do that that to him forfour orfive six—year—old and you do that that to him for four or five years, it is going to result in some pretty city issues. and it was a teacher who did it to you? yeah, gym teacher at school and it was the 80s, which is not an excuse, but nothing happened. do you want to know something about this country, england, the uk, where we are shooting this, even though it is what all around the world? people in other countries hearing this will not quite believe this but i promise you it is true. still in 2018, in any clerical setting such as a school, a teacher could walk into a classroom and see another teacher raping a six—year—old girl or boy and they could shut the door and walk away, and they don't need to say anything, and they won't have broken any laws. that is the point, we do not have mandatory reporting. for the we do not have mandatory reporting. forthe uk, we do not have mandatory reporting. for the uk, they do have a duty to report. no, they do not will stop that is the point. we are one of the only countries in the world that does not have mandatory reporting and if they do report to the school 01’ and if they do report to the school or the police, they have no protection like whistleblower status 01’ protection like whistleblower status or anything like that. you bring that up because comedy teaches at that up because comedy teaches at that school no? that is a hard question to answer, yes is the short a nswer to question to answer, yes is the short answer to that. i was found by teacher with light on my face in coming down my legs and hysterical, and...| coming down my legs and hysterical, and... i mean, as you would be. and i changed overnight and that was witnessed also by teachers and one of the teachers in her police evidence statement, she said there is no issue, i have permission to talk about that because she told me ican, but talk about that because she told me i can, but she went to the head teacher and said something is happening here and it is not right, and the head teacher said, as they did in the 80s, he needs to toughen up did in the 80s, he needs to toughen up and nothing was done, nothing was done. and we should explain that she only came forward after you have done an interview about it. exactly. you have done your research. i didn't interview where i mentioned it, it was a big interview in the sunday times, it was a couple of sentences were i said this happened to me when i was at school, and she got in touch with me and said i read this interview, i know who it was andi this interview, i know who it was and i have misys —ish and. i was quite naive, i was quite innocent, did not realise was in nature but i realise something was happening and i thought it was physical, not sexual. 0f i thought it was physical, not sexual. of course, it was both. she went to the police, she gave a statement, they track the guy down. he is the thing, sometimes, there is a lot of very angry people, i think, in the world, sometimes that comes out on social media, it comes out below the articles when people are writing comments. very occasionally people will say you only talk about this because you want to sell a few albums, andi this because you want to sell a few albums, and i always tell them this story, i talked about this for the first time in 2000, in this interview, and as a direct result of that, the police found this guy and you know what he was doing at the time that he was arrested? he was an old man, he was a part—time boxing coach for boys under ten. when people accuse me about this to get sympathy or sell albums, if i had not spoken, this guy would still be doing it. it could be teaching your son, your grandson, god forbid, your nephew. would you rather that were happening? he actually, there was a police investigation. yes, he was charged, the cpf board charges. there was a trial date set and he died before it got the trial, justice turn slowly. had he feel about the fact, though, that he knew eventually what he done to you, the damage? nothing, is nothing. no feeling? no, god sound so melodramatic, but that part is dead. imean melodramatic, but that part is dead. i mean there is no feeling now. we're talking about your teachers and things but what about your family because you say you changed overnight? again, i can only really talk about myself. it is like in the book, in mmi wrote, instrumental, where i talk about it, talk about me because it is my story, not my family's story. all i will say is again, it was the 80s, it was a different time, people were very naive then. i think now of any of those signs going on in a kid, we would be all over it. it does not mean that it has stopped, as we know, it is still an epidemic all around the world, but people are aware of it more now. we need to talk more about it. there was something else, you mentioned it took quite a few years to come out. this was almost worse than what happened when i was a kid, if you can believe that the yeah, you are right. i had to get the supreme court to give me permission to publish it. it took me legal fees because they tried to ban the book, not only banned the book that they we re not only banned the book that they were at the gagging order that would stop me from speaking or writing in any medium anywhere in the world about any aspect of my past. and we should explain it was then ex—wife was concerned about your son... well, ostensibly yes. her belief was that i was doing this intentionally to inflict psychological harm on my own child by talking about my own past, which defies belief, but... well, eventually, the supreme court ruled... they intervened and they change the law to stop this happening again because the president was so terrifying. but he talked when they book came out about how people are in denial, whether it is yourfamily, how people are in denial, whether it is your family, the teachers...” think two people in my family have read the book, one of them has barely mentioned it and the other one has kind of mentioned it is my mum. it is like it does not exist, the culture of silence, which is what allows abuse of any kind to thrive, it is like we do not talk about this stuff, how could you write a book? and the shame, the secrecy, write a book? and the shame, the secrecy, sexual abuse is predicated on shame, it is predicated on the fa ct on shame, it is predicated on the fact that shame will stop you from talking. and that is why i promised myself that if i ever had a mark of one, even a small one, i would talk about. it is not the only thing i talk about, i will talk until i'm blue in the face about bach, showtime and really lovely things. it isa showtime and really lovely things. it is a love letter to my son. —— chopin. but they also about this terrible thing, that is really one of the scourges of our society. but there were, of course, many years when you did not talk because he moved on from the abuse... tried to. and then it was in your late teens that you start a drink, everything. and self harming and everything else. and the truth is, it can't outrun, sadly you can't outrun these things. it is another reason i talk is because my own experience and that of thousands of people who have got in touch with me since the book came out, is that it is talk or die, i mean i know that sounds very melodramatic but you have to talk, not necessarily to yourfamily, not you have to talk, not necessarily to your family, not necessarily to your friends, maybe to a good therapist or doctor or the samaritans, who are amazing, or their organisations you can call, but you have to talk about this stuff. 0therwise, can call, but you have to talk about this stuff. otherwise, it is like a cancer inside you. you said your mother had spoken to you, what did she say? she is very supportive and loving and kind. she isa supportive and loving and kind. she is a wonderful woman. the thing is, when you have a child, all paedophiles say the same thing. they say, you cannot talk about this. if you cannot talk about this, you cannot imagine the horror of things that will rain down on you. you will go to prison i will go to prison, you will be killed, your family. whatever it is used. and when you're five or six or seven, your brain is not fully wired, it is still plastic. it changes the way you think and act. every time you around that person, you have to act normally, you say yes, server or hi, dad and shake their hands. you become complicit in the crime they have carried out. it's like you have robbed the bank together and you are protecting him and every time it happens, that bond, it sounds crazy but that bond gets stronger so it's no wonder that we have people speaking out now 20 years, 30 years, 40 speaking out now 20 years, 30 years, a0 yea rs later speaking out now 20 years, 30 years, a0 years later which is why things like the statute of limitations on sexual abuse crimes are so ridiculous. it can take 30 years before you have the courage and strength to speak out. there are many remarkable things about your life... we all have stories. but in your particular life, you got your life back on track effectively. you had a successfuljob at a financial publication. i worked in the city, the only thing i am embarrassed about, finance. you got married and had a son. you stopped the piano. i didn't play from 18 until 28. and only started properly at 1a. i did everything in reverse. it was like amy whitehouse in reverse. i did all the drugs and stopped and when i hit 28, i thought life is too short, i quit myjob, said i'm going to be a concert pianist. everyone looked at me likei concert pianist. everyone looked at me like i was crazy. and they are not laughing now because i did it. to me, that's a wonderful thing. i have lost count of the number of people who said to me, i know i could write a book or i will always wa nted could write a book or i will always wanted to be an actor. we get trapped in these jobs that we don't like, marriage is that kind of convenient but a little bit shabby because we have a mortgage together or we have to pay the bills and i think, you know what? you get one shot. i walked away from all of that and i'm doing whatever since i was a little kid i wanted to do which was planned concert halls around the world. you talk about what it means to you, music safety. around that same time, you were having a son growing up who then hit the same age. they don't tell you this. i wish they had. i'm not sure how i would have prepared for it but i realise afterwards that it is very common if you were raped or abused asa common if you were raped or abused as a child and you also have a child, when that child turns the age you were when the abuse started, it's very likely that your entire world will implode. that's what happened to me. on a biological level, i could not do the maths. i couldn't see this perfect miracle child who was four, five years old, this absolute god—given miracle, and see that i was that size when this was done to me and not only that, the terror of what have i done? i bought this kid into a world where these awful things happen. what was these awful things happen. what was the effect on you? everything fell apart. everything fell apart. the effect on you? everything fell apart. everything fellapart. i the effect on you? everything fell apart. everything fell apart. i was aggressively self harming, i was suicidal, i ended up spending nine months in various secure wards. i hasten to add, not because of him. he is still perfect and the greatest thing in my life and as any father would attest, it is the most overwhelming feeling of love and it only ever gets bigger. they don't tell you. just when you think it can't get any bigger, it does, it's amazing the capacity to love your child. it's everything. but at that time, it bought up a lot of unresolved things. i tried to run away from it because i hadn't dealt with it. i don't know how i could have dealt with it. it's like when a train stops but the carriages behind it haven't stopped and they crash into the back of it, that's what happened with me and it took a long time to deal with that. it took a lot to recover from it but in a way, thatis lot to recover from it but in a way, that is one of the messages in your book, it is that you don't ever really recover. it is what it is. it's a daily reprieve. that's why i am so deeply suspicious of self—help books, the idea you can find happiness in six weeks if you do these simple things or find peace of mind in one year if you follow these little guides. the pursuit of happiness, it's in the constitution in america. we shouldn't be pursuing happiness, i don't think. i think happiness, i don't think. i think happiness is fleeting. it's lovely when it comes but we are not designed to be happy. even most of the time, i would say. just because we are not happy does not mean we are unhappy. there is a giant scale in between. it can go further down into depression and anxiety but the message in the book, if there is one, it is that life is kind of messy and imperfect and all the steel a loan in a crowd sometimes. all of us feel slightly like we don't belong. sometimes, just getting out of bed, getting the kids ready for school, getting on the subway to go to work, getting home, putting the kids did bed, eating something and going to sleep is an heroic act. no one says well done, you made it through the day like an adult! a lot of us, it's an extraordinary thing to achieve when your head is saying, throw yourself under the tube, life is meaningless, no one will care, life is too much. just to survive and intuit is heroic. for you, we come back to the music. yes, please. you had come out of hospital and you are putting your life back together again. it is this combination of writing, talking and playing that saw your career saw. yeah, i had no career before. i got out of hospital and that my manager purely by chance at a coffeeshop and in 2009, i released my first album which is crazy because concert pianists, you start at two or three yea rs pianists, you start at two or three years old, six hours of practice a day and i was in my mid— 30s, i'm not that old, and i did it all the wrong way around. but music, is the one consistent thing. i'd been on 35 different medication, i'd seen the same number of psychiatrists and psychologists, i tried so many different things. the only different thing —— the only consistent thing that has worked his music. do you know how it works? that is the magic thing. what i do know is that when i was seven and the world was like a warzone, i found an old cassette tape with a piece of music by bach and in that moment, everything changed. thank goodness it was in the bible. everything would be different but to me, it was bach in a bidding was changed. you are sitting here with bach emblazoned on your t—shirt. sitting here with bach emblazoned on your t-shirt. let's see you playing. sure, why not. is there an answer to the question why bach? it's like why oxygen, why water? everyone wanted to see that piece. everyone watching this programme, everyone watching, if you have to hands, you would be able to play that piece by bach in six weeks. you are looking at me like that. in a stroke of marketing genius, recalled the book how to play the piano. it shows you how to do it. you don't need a proper piano. that can cost £150,000. you get a £30 keyboard. you spent a0 minutes a day, sundays off, six weeks later, you are playing bach. imagine in an age where everything has an app if we can't do it within three minutes, to find a0 minutes a day, it is amazing. james rhodes, on that note, thank you very much for coming on hardtalk thank you. hello. tuesday's weather is a wet, windy, and for some of us, rather wintry tale. the culprit — an area of low pressure swinging in from the atlantic that will bring some disruptive snow to the northern half of the uk. some wet and windy conditions further south. so here it is — this weather front pushing in from the west. a low—pressure centre to the north. the low itself will keep the winds up right the way across the british isles. the worst of the snow will be through the morning in time for the rush hour, sadly, across scotland with 5—10 centimetres possible across the highlands. but a good few centimetres possible through the centre belt, making for a dangerous rush hour. for northern ireland, perhaps the worst of the snow pulling away by 8am, but not i think before we've had some significant accumulations. snow for the pennines and the higher ground of wales too. but even to lower levels for a while, even possible across the midlands. then further south, we've got some heavy rain and some strong winds. so for the morning, a very messy picture. keep up to date with the travel on your bbc local radio station. this is the way the day then pans out. this whole weather front will push its way eastwards, clearer skies will follow on from the west, but some wintry showers for scotland and northern ireland. so you can see scotland clears considerably as the day goes by. but that threat of something a little bit winter across the midlands through the mid afternoon is mostly rain by the time that front gets into eastern england in the second part of the day. still a chilly story wherever you are, even with some sunshine. highs ofjust a or 5 degrees. this weather front away to the east through tuesday evening, overnight into wednesday, clear skies again after that falling snow and all the moisture lying around, a widespread frost developing. ice a big risk first thing on wednesday. you can see, we're talking about quite a widespread frost for first thing wednesday, and quite a hard frost as well. towards the west, though, notice the blue easing somewhat by the end of the night. that's because we'll see a weather front approaching, trying to bring in some cloud, which will lift the temperatures, but of course, it's bumping into all that cold air, so again, snow a potential problem for scotland, parts of northern england and wales. behind the weather front, some milder air coming in, so turning back to rain across northern ireland and wales as the day goes on. temperatures in double figures for cardiff and plymouth through the afternoon. that weather system, again, well, that moves through pretty quickly off into the continent for the small hours of thursday. then we're still left with a low—pressure centre driving our weather for the remainder of the week. it will keep some showers pushing into scotland and northern ireland, and some of them could be wintry for a time. generally, things look a little milder by the end of the week. a very warm welcome to bbc news, broadcasting to our viewers in north america and around the globe. my name is mike embley. 0ur america and around the globe. my name is mike embley. our top stories: the governing anc tells south african president jacob zuma "you are being removed as head of state." north korea's leader speaks of a "warm climate of reconciliation" with the south after a delegation returns from the winter olympics. a special report on the people — including thousands of children — fleeing the violence in the democratic republic of congo. and dodging the dogs in india — fear on the streets where thousands die every yearfrom rabies bites.

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