Dear Care and Feeding,
I am finding myself unable to let go of the past when my first child, my daughter, was born. My mother-in-law came to help us during my delivery and recovery. I liked her and treated her like my own mother. But she owned the baby too much, and would not let the baby be in my arms. Every time I picked up my baby to hold her and love her, she would ask immediately if she could take her. I was unable to say no, and this kept repeating. My baby would be with me only while I fed her. After delivery I was physical and mentally very delicate and also experienced postpartum depression. Since my parents lived in a different country, I had no other option. I had to be nice to my mother-in-law. I didn’t talk about it to my husband either, fearing that he would take it in a wrong way. All this is long over now, and my daughter is 13. But these negative thoughts keep bothering me every now and then. How can I get rid of these thoughts?
Dear Care and Feeding,
I’m 34 and have happily been seeing someone for three months. It’s still new, but it’s going well, and he’s very normal, mature, and together. My best friend is hosting a fourth birthday party for her son next month, and I asked if I could bring him as a plus-one. She declined because she isn’t ready to bring someone new into her son’s world and “still has PTSD” from my ex being in her baby shower photos (4.5 years ago!).
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She is absolutely justified in controlling who is around her son. I am a wildly overprotective “auntie” and do not have a reputation for bringing around randos. There are going to be lots of people at this party, and I’m confident her son isn’t going to know many of the adults (such as the parents of his new school friends). It feels inconsiderate and hurtful that she declined my request to bring my boyfriend, especially since I have to drive 1.5 hours each way and won’t know many people there except