A confident parent isn’t afraid of the question and therefore doesn’t panic
Hey Rabbi,
My 15-year-old son Meir is destroying our entire family. He breaks Shabbos and talks about all kinds of secular things that are totally inappropriate. My other kids complain that he gets away with doing whatever he wants and get resentful that they have to follow the rules. I feel like I have a terrorist living in my house!
This is probably one of the most common questions I get.
But it’s tricky to answer, because the dynamics of every situation are different. A rav or therapist should be consulted regarding the specifics of your situation.
If you’re in denial or too afraid or weak to fight, then there isn’t anything I can do”
I don’t know much about sports. Never been an athlete. It just wasn’t my thing.
But it didn’t take a sports buff to see how good this kid was.
It was a cold Motzaei Shabbat. I was standing with hundreds of other people, watching as the final teams of the night played for the final spot in the flag football playoffs. For this crowd, it was a very big deal.
I spotted Akiva across the field. He was standing with his players, giving a pep talk.
his is a very important question and one that deserves discussion.
Let’s start with a fact: People are afraid to accept and love each other. Sometimes this is because we’re afraid that if we display acceptance and unconditional love to someone, that translates as tacit approval of their choices and behavior. This is not a baseless fear.
However, acceptance and unconditional love are necessary before any move can be made to correct or condemn. At the recent Agudah convention, Dr. David Leiberman said, “People do not care what you know until they know that you care.” I’ll add that people cannot know that you care until you prove it through acceptance and love; that’s the prerequisite for an individual to be willing to listen to you. When someone rejects your help or acts out when you are trying to help them, it’s often because this step was skipped.