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Detailed text transcripts for TV channel - CNN - 20170805:08:44:00

aren t people stupid? not us. it s the others. ever notice have you noticed what is it with why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids and asteroids called asteroids? wouldn t it make more sense the other way around? if that was true, wouldn t be proctologist but astronaut. so many things distasteful in life and stupid and rules that everybody has to follow. it s tedious. so they deserve lampooning. this is an awful morning. i get up this morning and put maxi pad on adhesive side up. come on, you ve done it. there is so much comedy in the little details of life. it s just taking a magnifying glass and throwing it out to the audience. that s sort of my job, to think about stuff that a lot of us are too busy for most of the time. little things that occur to us, we have universal ground.

Detailed text transcripts for TV channel - CNN - 20170730:08:44:00

ever notice have you noticed what is it with why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids and asteroids called asteroids? wouldn t it make more sense the other way around? if that was true, wouldn t be proctologist but astronaut. so many things distasteful in life and stupid and rules that everybody has to follow. it s tedious. so they deserve lampooning. this is an awful morning. i get up this morning and put maxi pad on adhesive side up. come on, you ve done it. there is so much comedy in the little details of life. it s just taking a magnifying glass and throwing it out to the audience. that s sort of my job, to think about stuff that a lot of us are too busy for most of the time. little things that occur to us, we have universal ground. did you ever belch and almost

Detailed text transcripts for TV channel - CNN - 20170305:02:44:00

have you noticed what is it with why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids and asteroids called asteroids? wouldn t it make more sense the other way around? if that was true, wouldn t be proctologist but astronaut. so many things distasteful in life and stupid and rules that everybody has to follow. it s tedious. so they deserve lampooning. this is an awful morning. i get up this morning and put maxi pad on adhesive side up. come on, you ve done it. there is so much comedy in the little details of life. it s just taking a magnifying glass and throwing it out to the audience. that s sort of my job, to think about stuff that a lot of us are too busy for most of the time. little things that occur to us, we have universal ground. did you ever belch and almost puke? we think that we re alone and comedian steps on stage, says have you ever noticed kaboom,

Detailed text transcripts for TV channel - CNN - 20170226:03:44:00

hemorrhoids and asteroids called asteroids? wouldn t it make more sense the other way around? if that was true, wouldn t be proctologist but astronaut. so many things distasteful in life and stupid and rules that everybody has to follow. it s tedious. so they deserve lampooning. this is an awful morning. i get up this morning and put maxi pad on adhesive side up. come on, you ve done it. there is so much comedy in the little details of life. it s just taking a magnifying glass and throwing it out to the audience. that s sort of my job, to think about stuff that a lot of us are too busy for most of the time. little things that occur to us, we have universal ground. did you ever belch and almost puke? we think that we re alone and comedian steps on stage, have

Detailed text transcripts for TV channel - CNN - 20170224:03:44:00

other way around? if that was true, wouldn t be proctologist but astronaut. so many things distasteful in life and stupid and rules that everybody has to follow. it s tedious. so they deserve lampooning. this is an awful morning. put maxi pad on adhesive side up. come on, you ve done it. there is so much comedy in the little details of life. it s just taking a magnifying glass and throwing it out to the audience. that s sort of my job, to think about stuff that a lot of us are too busy for most of the time. little things that occur to us, we have universal ground. did you ever belch and almost puke? we think that we re alone and comedian steps on stage, have you ever noticed kaboom, explodes and we all connect. amazing charge.

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