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This must have been the first Scottish election campaign in history where victory was conceded on day one and the following 42 days were about the battle over who would come second which, as the legendary sage and philosopher Bill Shankly put it, is nowhere. The new nowhere man leading Labour – who can even recall the name of the old one? – was Anas Sarwar. Everyone agreed he had a jolly good campaign, he was a likable, refreshing and credible character – they just didn’t fancy voting for him. Labour’s billboards about a vote for them being a vote for a strong opposition were refreshingly honest, which never goes down well in politics. Honesty is fake news. Once hegemonic in Scotland, like today’s SNP, Labour were battling the Tories to be best losers, like two slapheads scrabbling for the Regaine bottle.

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