a mentally ill person. there is just no way. so i as i said, california has one of the strictest gun laws around. even with strict gun laws, he figured out a way. if you are persistent, you are going to figure out a way. is so in addition to laws that restrict, we also have to go to issues of why did my son want a gun and were there better ways to help him? we, of all people, have the means, the ability, to connection to find help for our son. if we couldn t find it, what is the person who is a single parent who has a mentally ill family member or a poor person that has a family member, this is an issue that has to be brought to the forefront. kay, people say it s the 2nd amendment right of every american to have guns. what do you say to them? it is. it s in our constitution. i don t have a problem with that.
samuel, who david lost a son. he said, he will not come back to me, but i will go to him. and that is the hope of heaven that we have. and that will strengthen us even on the darkest day. david says, when i go through the valley of the shadow of death wherever there s a shadow there s a light. and so the key to walking through the vail of the shadow of death is to turn your back on the shadow which is scary and look at the light. and that s how you get through it. do you feel he s here now? well, i know that he s in heaven looking down on us. and we have many loved ones there. my parents, kay s mom and dad. and that presence of god is more important than the presence of matthew in my life. is that i sense the presence of god in my life very close. but i m not going through this alone. that s a comfort. rick and kay, it s been such an honor and privilege to do this interview. thank you for letting me do it. and my heart goes out to you. it s a heart-breaking story. there s
yeah. but he kept trying. he wanted one as far as you re aware for only one purpose? only one purpose. because he knew it would end it for him and he was just so determined. when did he finally get this gun? a month before he took his life. do you know how he got it? who he got it from? he told me that he he told me everything. he told me that he found somebody finally on the internet who would sell it to him. it had to be super encrypted and it had to be this whole process. he begged me to help him because he couldn t figure out the process. again, there are so many moments of terrible choses with mental illness. here is my son is terrible pain begging me to help him to get a means to end his pain. it s like, my son, i can t do that. i can help you live. i will do anything to help you live. i cannot help you take your life. he finally through great struggle was able to figure it out.
so i said, i am definitely, i want to see, i am going to hug him when you bring him out. and so they did. when they, then when they brought his body out, i, i hugged him for all it was worth and they, the coroner tried to move me away and i was just like, i will be done when i am done. i am hugging my son until i am finished. and we were really, it was amazing blessing to us that that they were, we were able to, we were able to use a beanie and we were able to have an open casket and a viewing for those, for our family. an that was a treasure. it sounds weird, but. no, it doesn t. but it was a treasure to be able see him and touch him and hold him again. there are more suicides annually in america now than there are from auto accidents.
we put on his marker, compassionate warrior. that pretty much sums him up. deep compassion. we probably received over 30,000 letters of condolences. the letters that meant the most to me were the people that matthew had led to faith in christ. that they re going to be in heaven because of him. and i know the lord, i have a relationship with jesus because of your son over the years. and i remember writing in my journal that in god s garden of grace, even a broken tree bears fruit. and that was true in his life. and i d like you say well, are you happy that it s making a difference? of course i am. i still want my son back. absolutely. i still want my son back. but as david said in second