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I grew up in a household with four surnames. My mum had her maiden name, my stepdad his name, my brother his dad’s name, and I had my mum and my dad’s names. From a young age this meant I knew that not all families share a name, and that this has no effect on how loved we necessarily feel or how connected to each other we are. But growing up in a household with four surnames also meant that I witnessed just how much multi-name households can unsettle people observing our family from the outside.
Bringing up the topic of surnames in 2021 can still produce quite visceral reactions. Anyone who’s discussed the subject with friends and family knows this. So why does it continue to surprise me that many adults become uncomfortable when presented with even the slightest hint of a disruption or challenge to heteronormative behaviours in relation to surnames in marriage, and, especially, when it comes to children.