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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20120308

when it s flying to a location near you, ladies and gentlemen, if it looks like a duck, if it walks like a duck, if it quacks like a duck, then what is it? what is it? [cheers and applause] that s right. it s a duck. but this duck is a nuclear duck. [ laughter ] jon: i think going with the duck undercuts the urgency of your message. [ laughter ] nuclear duck sounds like the name of a terrible adult show. yeah. it helps if you are high when you watch it. [ laughter ] netanyahu has clearly reserved israel s right to kill this duck even before it flies south for the nuclear winter. you really have to get a more threatening armageddon metaphor than duck seeing as yours is taken by aflac. [ laughter ] anyway iran has taken notice of israel s first strike threat. top iranian military official threatened a possible reementive strike warning, and i quote, we do not wait for enemies to take action against us and we ll use all our means to protect our national interest. the zio

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20120307

captioning sponsored by comedy central ask jon: welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. we have a great one for you tonight. actress julianne moore is here tonight. she plays a inexperienced alaska governor catapulted to fame when she s nominated to become the second most powerful person in the country it s based a on a story that shouldn t be true but [ laughter ] my chair doesn t have wheels but my ass does. [ laughter ] yesterday president obama broke out the good chairs to welcome israeli prime minister benjamin bibi netanyahu in town for a quick nosh to remind us that we face annihilation at the iranians.ñi when it s flying to a location near you, ladies and gentlemen, if it looks like a duck, if it walks like a duck, if it quacks like a duck, then what is it? what is it? [cheers and applause] that s right. it s a duck. but this duck is a nuclear duck. [ laughter ] jon: i think going with the duck undercuts the urgency of your message. [ laughter ]

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20120307

ask jon: welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. we have a great one for you tonight. actress julianne moore is here tonight. she plays a inexperienced alaska governor catapulted to fame when she s nominated to become the second most powerful person in the country it s based a on a story that shouldn t be true but [ laughter ] my chair doesn t have wheels but my ass does. [ laughter ] yesterday president obama broke out the good chairs to welcome israeli prime minister benjamin bibi netanyahu in town for a quick nosh to remind us that we face annihilation at the iranians.ñi when it s flying to a location near you, ladies and gentlemen, if it looks like a duck, if it walks like a duck, if it quacks like a duck, then what is it? what is it? [cheers and applause] that s right. it s a duck. but this duck is a nuclear duck. [ laughter ] jon: i think going with the duck undercuts the urgency of your message. [ laughter ] nuclear duck sounds like the name of a

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20120307

march 6, 2012 from comedy central s world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. [ daily show theme song playing] [cheers and applause] captioning sponsored by comedy central ask jon: welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. we have a great one for you tonight. actress julianne moore is here tonight. she plays a inexperienced alaska governor catapulted to fame when she s nominated to become the second most powerful person in the country it s based a on a story that shouldn t be true but [ laughter ] my chair doesn t have wheels but my ass does. [ laughter ] yesterday president obama broke out the good chairs to welcome israeli prime minister benjamin bibi netanyahu in town for a quick nosh to remind us that we face annihilation at the iranians.ñi when it s flying to a location near you, ladies and gentlemen, if it looks like a duck, if it walks like a duck, if it quacks like a duck, then what is it? what is it? [cheers

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