President trump said that he knows the u. S. Is past the peak of a pandemic because he was quote, looking at graph and models. Or more likely, looking at graphs and thinking about models i wonder what Kathy Ireland is doing right now. Probably not wasting her time looking at a bunch of stupid graphs. According to a new poll, voters overwhelmingly want former Vice President joe biden to choose a running mate with governing experience said one man, i already told you, joe, no. Cmon, lets freaky friday this thing. Uh no. Senator Elizabeth Warren said yesterday she would be former Vice President joe bidens running mate if he asked while senator Amy Klobuchar said shed be his running mate even if he didnt President Trump held an event at the white house today celebrating truckers and he was pretty disappointed they didnt bring that lady from their mud flaps. Oh, im sorry, mr. President. That is just a drawing. No, i know, but where is the lady the drawing is based on you dont just make that
And i appreciate all the comments, good or bad. Call me out if you have to im listening. I want to change i want to learn. I want to be helpful wash your hands. Dont touch your face. Stay safe, everybody thank you. Seth hi, everyone. We were on hiatus last week. And i want to start tonight by saying how happy and lucky i feel to be back with you, as well as how upset i am by this incredibly sad moment of American History were all living through many events brought us here, but the focus is the brutal killing of george floyd, a black man at the hands of a minnesota policeman. As a white man, i cant speak of the deeprooted and justified fear africanamericans have when encountered by police, so here is late night amber ruffin let me te y story so, once when i was a teenager, i was brandnew to driving and i dropped my friend off at work and im coming back home and im in morning rush hour traffic and everybody is going over the speed limit. I think its like 40, and everyone is going 50 and
Yelling it out the window of a passing car. Happy mothers day okay, drive, drive former president obama held a call on friday for thousands of alumni of his administration and said, quote, its after 5 00, people, you should be drinking. Um, does he think we still wait until 5 00 these days . I had a gin and tonic for breakfast and thats only because my kid couldnt finish it President Trump attended a ceremony at the world war ii memorial in washington on friday with veterans, but did not wear a face mask. And i am surprised that hes comfortable showing his face to people who actually served yeah, almost did. Bone spurs the last second you guys are lucky to never to never have the spurs. In a new interview, a white house Senior Adviser said it was, quote, scary to go to work after two fellow staffers tested positive last week for the coronavirus. Said the adviser, before this, it was just embarrassing. The white house announced yesterday that despite one of Vice President mike pences se
Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert laughter tonight america is closed. Plus stephen welcomes dr. Sanjay gupta. Featuring jon batiste and stay stephen you can stop now. Human. laughter piano riff one of the things that had to freak out wall street was and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york trumps body language. He had a rakish flair that can city, its Stephen Colbert only be described as stark terror. It wasnt so much deer in the headlights, as deer in the oval office. Aaahhh cheers and applause theme song playing stephen whoo whoo aaahhh whoo aaahhh whoo whoohoo aaahhh whoo oh, snap. No, dont follow me whoo aaahhh laughter whoo stephen ive had a little oh, my god too much of this stuff over here. Whoo oh, my goodness because it was a trump speech, oh, i should not be this tired hey, everybody words not do good. Fostce, he gee tripped up here. Thank you please, sit down i am confident that by laughter counting. And continuing to jon, good to see you
Its also his dogs name coincidentally. The coronavirus this coronavirus is all i hear about from whoo . [ laughter ] people are selling off stocks and buying up toilet paper. And if you are buying up toilet paper, i have a question. Why are you buying up toilet paper . I think youve got the body upside down because people are canceling events. The south by southwest festival in austin was canceled over the weekend. Theres talk they may hold nba games with no fans in the crowd. Italy the country is closed. For real. You know, i try not to get too worked up about this sort of thing, but then, i saw this headline over the weekend. And for me, now this is serious. Costco is pulling their free samples. [ laughter ] trump needs to send mike pence to costco to figure this out right now. This is also scary news for costco shoppers. This was from the weekend too. O. J. Posted, coronavirus . Whos afraid . [ laughter ] i dont know. Are those two separate questions or one . Because whenever youre