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Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20131126

Jon thats our show, here it is, your moment of zen. I cheers and applause stephen welcome to the report, everybody, thank you so. For joining me. Stephen, stephen, Stephen Stephen, stephen, Stephen Stephen, stephen, Stephen Stephen thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. Please. cheers and applause i got to say, that taste like greatness. Nation, weve all seen the devastation in the philippines caused by typhoon haiyan, it is an unthinkable tragedy and we send our thoughts and prayer to those in need but it is not all were sending. United States Military taking significant steps to help typhoon recovery operation. U. S. S. George washington is now in the gulf in the area. It brings with it 80 aircraft, 5,000 sailors all ready to deliver food, water and medicine. The u. S. Also providing 20 million in immediate aid. Folks, america takes alot of slack just because we spy on our ali, invade countries on hunches and threaten to tank the Global Economy as a fundraising tool. But face it, w

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Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20131127

Matt lauer made such a convincing baywatch babe on halloween, the network demanded gender confirmation. Lets go to the action. This is a digital rechtal exam. So you guy goes off. Were to the going to show it, the camera will stay out here. Did it hurt. It doesnt hurt at all. And it took 34 seconds. Yes, 34 seconds. Because everyone knows the best medicine is the fastest medicine. Thats why you race for the cure. And this doctor samadi chief urologist at Lenox Hill Hospital is a prostate prompt just look at his bedside manner. Well, what he doesnt know is that i had to lose five pounds in order to make my finger a little smaller. laughter stephen oh, its wellknown that matt lauer is the biggest tight ass if the business. Word is cheers and applause stephen its what i understand. Its like a chinese finger trap down there. Folks, i got to say, the today show, well played, gentlemen. It is no accident that they pulled this Ground Breaking stunt during november sweeps because the today sho

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Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20131126

Nation, this makes me proud to be an american. To know that my tax dollars are going to help people if i pay taxes. I have an excellent accountant. He said if a shell ter, i think the feel pooens. America has put our money where our mouth s the boots on the ground and hads in the air like we just do care. Cant say the them thing about socalled superpower china. China getting a bit of criticism. Theyve been in a longterm dispute, a land dispute, but guess what theyre only giving 100,000. Wow apparently the chinese symbol for crisis is also the one for bite me. Seriously, the nation of china pledged only 100,000. I bet the colbert nation could give more than that . What do you people think . cheers and applause you know what, you know what . You know what, folks, nation, lets do it. Lets outdonate china. To donate 10 to convoy of hope typhoon response efforts just text colbert to 50555, your donation will help bring clean water and food to the victims of typhoon haiyan, lets kick chinas

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Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20131126

Theyve been in a longterm dispute, a land dispute, but guess what theyre only giving 100,000. Wow apparently the chinese symbol for crisis is also the one for bite me. Seriously, the nation of china pledged only 100,000. I bet the colbert nation could give more than that . What do you people think . cheers and applause you know what, you know what . You know what, folks, nation, lets do it. Lets outdonate china. To donate 10 to convoy of hope typhoon response efforts just text colbert to 50555, your donation will help bring clean water and food to the victims of typhoon haiyan, lets kick chinas ass at being compassionate because we are a brotherhood of man you stingy jerks. Get donating, nation. Folks, you know, this is no secret. When i need up to the minute news i always turn to the today show. Its the first thing i watch when i wake up around 6 00 p. M. I tivo it. Well, folks, 1 week ago today, todays al roker and matt lauer boldly went where no news has gone before. Here we are 1 w

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Transcripts For KICU 10 OClock News 20131130

Recent trip and decades ago in the korean war. We received word of this alleged apology about two hours ago. Ktvu is in palo alto at an assisted living facility where he was living with his wife before he was detained in north korea. Reporter i stepped inside the building and talked with the reception mist but said they had not heard this latest newhad no comment. This video is the first we have seen of him since he was detained last month. Take a look again in the video posted on youtube he looks well although his hands appear to shake. It was broadcast by north koreas state run news agency. It appears to show him reading a prepared statement for the camera. He is 85 years old, retired Financial Consultant and u. S. Veteran from the korean war. He was on a 10 day private tour last month and was on a plane when taken away by authorities of the dprk. In the video he says he had been looking for relatives, some korean acquaintances. So i asked my guide to help me to look for their family

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