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Transcripts For KNTV Late Night With Seth Meyers 20240713

Impeachment proceedings like a lynching when asked about the criticism, trump said, wow, now i know how jesus felt on the cross. [ laughter ] after President Trump this morning compared impeachment proceedings to a lynching, senator Lindsey Graham defended trump saying, quote, this is a lynching in every sense. And if theres one word Lindsey Graham shouldnt be using its sense. [ laughter ] thats right early this morning President Trump tweeted about congress ongoing impeachment inquiry. He wrote, all republicans must remember what they are witnessing here, a lynching. Now, the complex issue surrounding a white person using the term lynching is not something im comfortable talking about. But i am [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause oh, donald trump, you raggedy bastard. Youre not being lynched you know how i know . Because people who are being lynched dont sit in a mansion tweeting about bull[ bleep ] [ laughter ] look, the reason youre comfortable comparing your situation to a lynching

Transcripts For KNTV The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon 20240713

Guests jessica biel billy crudup comedian jay jurden, and featuring the legendary roots cr questlove 1141 steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause jimmy oh, thank you very much [ cheers and applause thank you very much, everybody welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show, everybody. Thank you for being here [ cheers and applause ]. You made it. The tonight show. You guys, tonight was game one of the world series between the Houston Astros and the Washington Nationals and this is nice, even though their teams not in it, yankees fans promise to boo whoever wins [ laughter ] well, earlier tonight, abc aired the classic halloween special, its the Great Pumpkin, charlie brown. [ cheers and applause they actually updated it a bit at the end of this version, the Great Pumpkin gets impeached [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause thats right, the impeachment inquiry is in full swing and i heard that today actually marks the onemonth anniversary of the

Transcripts For CNN The Mark Twain Prize for American Humor 20240706

Is here. Mood to peter. Deductions dont get this corgi found out you can ride off 9 70 30. Oh, yeah. All that name. To the center. Thats why its on cnn. E the show. Six Susie Anderman says low as well. Yeah observer of you men. David hasselhoff. Senior girl. Puts fishies in history. Friends. Do you see me over . Schneider and boucher share me. Have to pee in his pants. Just to stay until. Its jennifer drew, but later his wife or would not getting to first base in real life. Together many jews switches channel. Its like crisis rather than. The price is wrong. Because his brother has a penis. His anger gave us. Happy. To stop looking at me. This is how you win them from standing judas beauty and we cheat. Had the training in his grave spin. Theres no one like you. No youtube. You make this laugh. Keep straight employed. You make me proud to be june. You deserve to return. So respect. 20. The smartest man alive. Prices wrong youre out. Doyle rules. Now youre all in big, big trouble. I wan

Transcripts For CNN The Mark Twain Prize for American Humor 20240706

ride off 9 70 30. oh, yeah. the night to the center. that s why it s on cnn. the show. six susie and man s as low as well above. shop observer of human. david hasselhoff space. see you. girl. man puts fishies in history. thanks friends. alan do see speed over schneider and the boosh share me. that s to pee in his pants. just to stay until. it s jennifer drew but laid his wife or would not getting to first base in real life. yeah so many jews. can you switches channels? crisis rather than the wrong! because his brother has a penis . gave us. happy to you. stop looking at me. thank you. this is how you win them from standing judas beauty and we cheat. at the tween and in his grave, at least spit. there s no one like you said. youtube you make us laugh, keep straight employed. you make me proud to be a jew. you deserve this elaborate club for return. 24 human. i am the smartest man alive. prices wrong! you re out. doyle rules. now you re all in big, big trouble. i want you to m

Transcripts For CNN The Mark Twain Prize for American Humor 20240706

is here. mood to peter. deductions don t get this corgi found out you can ride off 9 70 30. oh, yeah. all that name. to the center. that s why it s on cnn. e the show. six susie anderman says low as well. yeah observer of you men. david hasselhoff. senior girl. puts fishies in history. friends. do you see me over? schneider and boucher share me. have to pee in his pants. just to stay until. it s jennifer drew, but later his wife or would not getting to first base in real life. together many jews switches channel. it s like crisis rather than. the price is wrong. because his brother has a penis. his anger gave us. happy. to stop looking at me. this is how you win them from standing judas beauty and we cheat. had the training in his grave spin. there s no one like you. no youtube. you make this laugh. keep straight employed. you make me proud to be june. you deserve to return. so respect. 20. the smartest man alive. prices wrong! you re out. doyle rules. now you re all in big,

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