it s the late night guest cam. please say hello to tom hanks. here he is. no one could go on the david letterman show and try to steer it towards a point of view or push something in particular. he wouldn t stand for it. you re on to do one thing and one thing only. be as funny as the rest of the show. we can get in a two-shot here dave. we can send the crew home, couldn t we. you know, as a co biggest au you could get. for dave, he knew a lot of things that he would do were going to alienate people. he didn t care. he wanted his thumb print out there. that s the most important thing. it s time for a small town news. paul? excuse me, paul, do you have any accompanying music here for small town news. . paul schaefer, ladies and gentlemen. the show making fun of itself and turning itself inside out that way was something kind of new. don t we look like guys that you d see hanging around
her mom s iphone. her mom won t buy it. mom is snoring away. girl grabs mom s thumb print and uses the thumb print to buy $250 worth of pokemon junk. they were on fox & friends this morning. listen to what they had to say. she said no, mommy i was shopping. i said oh, really. she said oh, don t worry they will all ship right here to the house. did you know what you were doing? yes you did. i see the smile on your face. she knew exactly what she was doing. there you go. this happens to me every day. of course. then you change the code and pass code to his thumb. unbelievable. you can t buy things but your son can. can you buy some hair spray for your mom. if my son is watching i m coming
just in time for the election, the return of snl s black jeopardy with tom hanks playing a trump supporter. behind the laughs there may be some political truth telling going on. take a look. they out here saying, the new iphone wants your thumb print for your protection. oh, okay, then, doug. what is i don t think so, that s how he get you. yes. yes. i don t trust that. me either. i read that goes straight to the government. that is not bad, dog. they out here saying that every vote counts. oh, doug again. oh, come on, they ve already decided who wins even before it happens. yes, yes. okay, let s go to big girls for 200. okay, the answer there. skinny women can do this for you? what is not a damn thing.
put a chip on people. here are your chips. we have ten of them. we should use biometrics for people who are admitted to the united states. give a thumb print. it should go on a separate database, and folks should have to when they access services here give their thumbprint. if you overstayed your visa. it s not an immigrant. they re not immigrants. they re coming here to visa. hence, a visa. when you visit, you re supposed to leave eventually. that s what you re eventually supposed to do. i have had guests who don t. that s right. what do you do? you kick them out? stay for a period of time. we love having you. come and visit, and then go home. the fact we have liberals in this countries and others who say this is so awful. it s awful? what s awful is 40% of the 11 million people who are here illegally are on overstayed
specific types of crime like rape. also burglary tends to be a crime that evolves into rape and any kind of crime where the dna would be absolute proof positive of guilt or innocence and we like to take dna but those are very, very small group of crimes. the fact that we only have wint s dna on file, the rest of these guys could show up any time now after they test them. they re probably just not in codus. if we re going to take somebody s thumb prints and fingerprints and people are okay with that, why not just take a genetic thumb print, which is the dna? that s right. that s the exact same argument that they already have the fingerprints on file. most criminals are really savvy now and they wear gloves. they are really good about that. they don t realize so many of them go into these crime scenes and eat, use the bathroom,