barnard. you have emily and the push pull. do we do this serially, take time off, more flex time at work. i think there s no single answer here. i sort of come down right smack in the messy middle. i think clearly women have to fight hard and fight harder and realize that life is harder than i might have expected and we need more government support and change in the workplace. but i think at the end of the day i m a realist. what i m really trying to argue in the book that at least as a first step we just have to acknowledge that nobody is going to have it all. no man has it, no woman has it. if we redefine expectations girls are growing up with and women are struggling and feeling guilty about. then we can start to be more pragmatic about things we can do at the home front and workplace and societally, to make life saner for all of us. it does help when we have