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Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20120501

welcome to the report. good to see you here. (cheers and applause) stephen: welcome to the report, everybody. good to you have with us, please, nation. folks, stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen: okay, folks. (cheers and applause) stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen. you make me so happy. will you make me the luckiest host in the world, and be my audience for the rest of my life? (cheers and applause) stephen: so, when are you having kids. nation, you probably heard, there s a huge international crisis brewing. no, not in syria, we re still ignoring that. (laughter) this times there s big trouble in big china. the obama administration trying to diffuse a diplomatic crisis developing this morning with china. dissident chen guangcheng is at the centre of all the drama after making his escape from an 18 month house arrest. he s been at odds with the government since the 90s. is now believed he s in the pr

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20120501

captioning sponsored by comedy central (cheers and applause) stephen: thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. welcome to the report. good to see you here. (cheers and applause) stephen: welcome to the report, everybody. good to you have with us, please, nation. folks, stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen: okay, folks. (cheers and applause) stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen. you make me so happy. will you make me the luckiest host in the world, and be my audience for the rest of my life? (cheers and applause) stephen: so, when are you having kids. nation, you probably heard, there s a huge international crisis brewing. no, not in syria, we re still ignoring that. (laughter) this times there s big trouble in big china. the obama administration trying to diffuse a diplomatic crisis developing this morning with china. dissident chen guangcheng is at the centre of all the drama after making his escape

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20120501

that s our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. a quick shot to jimmy kimmel. did an unbelievable job at the white house correspondents dinner. ain t an easy gig and he crushed it. i want to thank mr. mills, my 10th grade high school history teacher who said i would never amount to anything if i kept screwing around in class. mr. mills, i m about to high five the president of the united states. captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org stephen: tonight how much do we tell our kids about is sexuality? that s enough. (laughter) then a new convenience for gun owners, i hope you ll stop shooting long enough to hear about it. and my guest actress diane keaton is here. la dee da, la dee da. the new york yankees have their own cologne. it s made from the most expensive ingredients of all the competing colognes. this is the colbert report. captioning sponsored by comedy central (cheers and applause) stephen: thank you ver

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