[ laughter ] donald trump claimed this morning that he would have done even better in the election if the winner was based on the popular vote because he would have campaigned differently. Why are you complaining . Its over. You won. Wait, why am i talking to you . You know what . Let me talk to your father. Oh, hey, listen. Would it have killed you to hug him once . [ laughter and applause ] fox newss bill oreilly said last night [ applause ] bill oreilly said last night that liberals want to eliminate the Electoral College because they want power taken away from the white establishment. Bill, you dont have to say, white establishment. Its redundant. Thats like saying atm machine. The m means machine. [ laughter ] Vice President joe biden will reportedly work at the university of pennsylvan once he leaves office. Apparently they had an opening for, cool r. A. [ laughter ] i know youre going to smoke your weed, guys. Just roll up a towel and put it under the door, all right . Joes goin
Musical guest dec 99th and featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove ho, ho, ho steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, hey welcome. Thats what im talking about. Hot crowd [ cheers and applause ] hot thats the crowd you want. New york city. Oh, baby. Welcome, you guys. Welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show. This is it. You made it. [ cheers and applause ] youre here. Thats what im talking about. Oh, how exciting. Welcome, everybody. Oh, i love you too. Well, heres what everybodys talking about. Guys, were just three days away from christmas, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] but get this. I read that the weather in the north pole today was about 50 degrees warmer than normal. [ audience oohs ] of course, trump says its just a hoax created by the elves. [ laughter and applause ] but people everywhere are still doing lastminute shopping. I saw that the most popular holiday gift in alabama this year is an electric turkey fryer. [ laughter ] th
There are just three days until christmas when most of us will celebrate the birth of christ, and mike pence will celebrate historys least planned parenthood. [ laughter and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] Donald Trumps childhood home in new york city is going up for auction three days before his inauguration. Wow, just think, you could own the home that donald trump never grew up in. [ light laughter ] the rock band kiss reportedly turned down an offer to perform at Donald Trumps inauguration, and its not the first time trump has been refused a kiss. [ laughter and applause ] seth youre my best friend. [ light laughter ] an 11yearold has set up a stand in a subway station to offer advice to stressed out new yorkers, and apparently, nobody is less stressed out that his parents. Mom, im heading down to the 4train and talk to strangers. Okay, have fun. [ laughter ] i still dont know. [ light laughter ] im just shaking eggs over a flame. The a new poll not the new poll. A new poll a ne
And wrap this staple gun. Done announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight, will smith; anna kendrick; and the big furry hat. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, its the best in late show retrospectacular endof year wrapupabration cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody. Thank you so much. Hey everybody, welcome to the late show. So glad youre here. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. cheers and applause its lovely to be back. We havent seen you guys for a week. I hope you guys everybody have a good thanksgiving . cheers and applause i did, too. I had a fantastic jon, you were there. Jon yeah, that was great. Stephen fantastic, heres something i discovered this thanksgiving. I discovered if you bury your face in the pecan pie, it absorbs your screams. laughter and the best part is, after you its true after you put your face in it, you get to have the whole pie. laughter you just keep shoveling it in there, and if you keep the pie in your mouth, you dont have time
Done announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight, will smith; anna kendrick; and the big furry hat. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, its the best in late show retrospectacular endof year wrapupabration cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody. Thank you so much. Hey everybody, welcome to the late show. So glad youre here. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. cheers and applause its lovely to be back. We havent seen you guys for a week. I hope you guys everybody have a good thanksgiving . cheers and applause i did, too. I had a fantastic jon, you were there. Jon yeah, that was great. Stephen fantastic, heres something i discovered this thanksgiving. I discovered if you bury your face in the pecan pie, it absorbs your screams. laughter and the best part is, after you its true after you put your face in it, you get to have the whole pie. laughter you just keep shoveling it in there, and if you keep the pie in your mouth, you dont have time to yell at rick. Jon hey,