stairs college, on top of it. next thing i know i m on these prescriptions, that s where it all began for me. what are the odds you re what are the odds you re going to own a house? what s the odds you re going to have a nice car? any car? a place to live, all that stuff? seems less and less likely all the time. contrast that with what happens when you stick a spike in your arm. and why wouldn t you. so i had this picture in my head when i got the phone call that my daughter s father had been in the accident and i had just had a c-section and they come in with this needle to give me ativan, and all i needed was a hug. i needed someone to give me a hug and say, i care about you, kaitlyn, and everything s going to be okay. i ll tell you something really shameful about myself. the first time i shot up, i looked at myself in the mirror with a big grin. something was missing in me, whether it was a self-image situation, whether it was a character flaw.