understand. you have every right to hate me for what i ve done. i hated myself a long time. every day for over half my life not a moment has gone by when i didn t hang my head in guilt and shame. that s it. why did you feel the need to write that? well, i think it was this was as much for myself as it was for anybody else s sake. i this is probably going to sound kinda silly, but i really didn t couldn t comprehend death until someone i knew until i had experienced that loss. and it it kind of put things in a completely different perspective when my grandma died. trowbridge s cellmate wrote a letter to his victim heather, his former girlfriend who he stabbed to death.