February 9, 2021
Caledon, ON – Doug Ford announced that secondary schools in Toronto, Peel Region, and York Region will resume in-person instruction February 16th, a move many believe was spurred by mounting pressure from the vodka cooler lobby.
“We’ve missed out on all our biggest sales events,” said Smirnoff Ice Chief Marketing Officer, Brett Belanger. “Now we have a shot at all the prom after-parties, plus Canada’s Wonderland’s Grad Night. And, I actually just got wind of a pretty big rager happening at Ava F.’s place on Friday. ”
While many businesses have been struggling as a result of the current emergency order, the makers of vodka coolers, cotton candy JUUL pods, and Visine have been disproportionately affected by the lack of socialization between 17-year-olds.