Clearly lacking taste and craving violence, Tobias first finds issue in the fact that the titular character has an outhouse that has a working toilet because he is a slob who lives in a swamp. Blasphemy! Not a working toilet in a tale about a giant ogre that has a talking donkey for a best friend!
Looking back at the film’s opening, where Shrek wipes his ass with a literal fairytale ending, Tobias believes that the flushing sound signifies “the moment when blockbuster animation circled the drain”.
“Shrek is a terrible movie. It’s not funny. It looks awful,” the author continues, completely devoid of joy in his life. “It would influence many unfunny, awful-looking computer-animated comedies that copied its formula of glib self-reference and sickly sweet sentimentality.”