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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20110811

he says, my brother has an ipad, don t go out with him. [cheering and applause] don t go out with him. yeah. don t go out with him because that will be a long night of staring at star wars figures that have never been taken out of the box to be played with. you don t want any part of it. hey, remember. the kids love it. nothing the television audience loves more than an inside joke that they have no idea what the [bleeped] happened. what are you going to do? so you remember the 2010 mid-term elections when america was rocked by a tea-soaked populist uprising, just some regular joe earl grays and jane orange zingers in middle america taking back their country from the out-of-touch elites. we want our country back. crowd: obama must go! hey, hey, hey good-bye we want our country back, and we want it back now! [laughter] jon: i m sorry. this is your country? i m sorry. there s a terrible misunderstanding. we were told it was a timeshare. [laughter] anyway, thes

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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20110811

woman: saving for our child s college fund was getting man: yes it was. so to save some money, we taught our 5 year old how to dunk. woman: scholarship! woman: honey go get him. anncr: there s an easier way to save. get online. go to geico.com. get a quote. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. rick: wow that guy is really staring over here. rick: must ve sold him some carpeting or something. rick: mike, check out his bacon neck. mj: bacon? rick: sir! lean forward and show michael jordan your collar? passenger: oh! rick: see how it s all curled up like bacon in a pan? see look how bad this dude looks? passenger: what s that? rick: thank you. passenger: ok! rick: not us though, buddy. our lay flats. rick: we re like twins! mj: nooo we re not. rick: yeah, we are. mj: no. we re not. rick: yeah, yeah, yeah. anncr: the lay flat collar. lays flat, won t bacon. only from hanes. sweet dee: no, he s fine. it turns out it just kind of grazed his head. colin: aw. t

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Detailed text transcripts for TV channel - MSNBC - 20110810:07:05:00

because oshkosh, wisconsin, which is jess king s heartland, it s where she was the vice mayor and a long-time city council member, has not reported. she won that town by 5,000 votes last time. i think she s going to come up. she s got space to move. now, i ve got to be honest with you, though, in that sandy pasch race, sandy is ahead now but there is still some tough suburban turf out for her. so she s got there are no guarantees she s going to win that. so what i will tell you is i believe that there s a very good chance i think jen shilling is going to win in lacrosse. i think that jess king i expect can win in that randy hopper district. sandy pasch is the one we re going to really end up watching for a long time yet tonight to see what comes in on her. so it turns out as it looks right now it could be one or three. it could be one or three. as it looks right now. adam green, the pccc co-founder, has done boots on the ground and some amazing work here. your thoughts on wha

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Detailed text transcripts for TV channel - MSNBC - 20110810:05:19:00

that too is just too close to call. and that one is going down to the wire. i think so. but i think jess king, if i m looking at the different counties that are in and out on that one, i ve got a pretty strong sense that that race is going to break toward jess king. all right. let s go back. let s go back to the 8th district, if we can. john nichols just predicted that that race was going to tighten, and it has. with 63% of the vote now being counted, alberta darling has closed the gap. pasch still leads 51% to 49%. that has now been closed dramatically. pasch leading 51% to 49%. you ve got big voting suburbs there that are very, very republican. i will remind you, ed, that the supreme court race that we had back in april, waukesha county suddenly discovered a lot of votes there, well, part of this district includes walk ukesha county.

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Detailed text transcripts for TV channel - MSNBC - 20110810:07:04:00

51% to 49%. and we ve also got a very interesting race. in the 8th district, suburban milwaukee, alberta darling is trailing at this hour to challenger representative sandy pasch by 8% of the vote. pasch in with 12,032 votes at 56%. and roberta darling in with that number you that saw on the screen there, with 44% of the votes. so it s still a very good chance for the democrats to get three. but the surprise here is the showing of randy hopper, the state senator. for more on that let s go to john nichols, washington correspondent of the nation magazine. three republican victories declared tonight. john, how do you see the other three races? well, let me tell you this. i will tell you right now, i believe that jess king will defeat randy hopper. and i ll tell you why.

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