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Transcripts For KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live 20161222

For the show, right . Thats very nice. We all appreciate it. This is our last show before the new year. I have to say, it is weird that 2016 was only one year, i feel at least five years older than i did last year. So much arguing and fighting. People keep saying, i cant wait for 2016 to be over. But 2017, that isnt looking so great either. [ laughter ] like the movie alien. 2016 may have been the moment when the alien attached itself to our face, but 2017 is when it rips its way out of our stomachs and tears the ship apart. [ laughter ] and as if 2016 wasnt difficult enough, we get news today that america, this country, is facing a whipped cream shortage. [ laughter ] i know, just when you thought it couldnt get worse. America, apparently, theres a shortage of nitrous oxide. There was an explosion in august at a nitrous oxide factory in well, florida, of course. [ laughter ] where else do you think they make it . [ laughter ] and as a result, they dont have enough gas to put it in the

Transcripts For KNTV The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon 20161222

And featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 596 steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, oh welcome, everybody welcome, welcome, welcome [ cheers ] welcome in the back welcome all the way up in the back welcome to the tonight show. This is it, baby. [ cheers and applause ] this is it. This is the show. Youre all here. You all made it. Thank you very, very much. Welcome. This is what everyone is talking about. Of course, you guys, christmas is almost here. This is great. [ cheers and applause ] and donald trump loves christmas. [ light laughter ] yeah, cause its the one time of year where he can say, those are real, those are fake, and claim he was talking about christmas trees. [ laughter and applause ] those are real. Those are fake. Those look real but theyre fake. [ laughter ] those look fake but theyre real. Its been a busy week for trump. He confirmed yesterday that he met with mexican businessman carlos slim recently. And i guess it went wel

Transcripts For KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20161222

There before december 25th just forget barb daddy needs a new nine iron announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight Robert Deniro amy John Krasinski and Millie Bobby Brown featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, its the best in late show retrospectacular endof year wrapupabration captioning sponsored by cbs stephen welcome to the late show oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, welcome to the late show. I am happy to be your host, Stephen Colbert. cheers and applause did everybody have a good weekend . cheers and applause i had a nice one, too. Im prethanksgiving carboloading. Just to work everything out. laughter i took the last couple of days off. Nice, didnt do much, hung out with some friends, made a pie. Jon what kind of pie . Stephen but, you know, had to work all weekend. Jon uhhuh. Stephen donald trump laughter poor guy cant catch a break. He didnt know being president was a fulltime job. laughter first, he agreed to a 25 million settlement in the Trump Unive

Transcripts For KYW The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20161222

Just forget barb daddy needs a new nine iron announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight Robert Deniro amy schumer John Krasinski and Millie Bobby Brown featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, its the best in late show retrospectacular endof year wrapupabration captioning sponsored by cbs stephen welcome to the late show oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, welcome to the late show. I am happy to be your host, Stephen Colbert. cheers and applause did everybody have a good weekend . cheers and applause i had a nice one, too. Im prethanksgiving carboloading. Just to work everything out. laughter i took the last couple of days off. Nice, didnt do much, hung out with some friends, made a pie. Jon what kind of pie . Stephen but, you know, had to work all weekend. Jon uhhuh. Stephen donald trump laughter poor guy cant catch a break. He didnt know being president was a fulltime job. laughter first, he agreed to a 25 million settlement in the Trump University fraud case. S

Transcripts For WCAU The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon 20161222

And featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 596 steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, oh welcome, everybody welcome, welcome, welcome [ cheers ] welcome in the back welcome all the way up in the back welcome to the tonight show. This is it, baby. [ cheers and applause ] this is it. This is the show. Youre all here. You all made it. Thank you very, very much. Welcome. This is what everyone is talking about. Of course, you guys, christmas is almost here. This is great. [ cheers and applause ] and donald trump loves christmas. [ light laughter ] yeah, cause its the one time of year where he can say, those are real, those are fake, and claim he was talking about christmas trees. [ laughter and applause ] those are real. Those are fake. Those look real but theyre fake. [ laughter ] those look fake but theyre real. Its been a busy week for trump. He confirmed yesterday that he met with mexican businessman carlos slim recently. And i guess it went wel

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