Surprise! It's April Fools' Day, which can only mean one thing: The Chronicle's evil, satirical twin, The Chomicle. This is the best reporting we've done all year!
“The benefits of performative activism certainly outweighs the minimal damages of destroying a century-old, 7,000 acre forest that is essential to learning at Duke,” said Ronnie Stealmoney, head of the Climate Commitment.