Feb 8, 2021
“The nurse said not to take the bandages off for 24 hours,” my wife scolded. “What part of ’24 hours’ did you not understand?”
“Hmmm, well, I saw that as more of a guideline,” I replied. “I’m a fast clotter. The bleeding had stopped so I didn’t think the bandages were really needed anymore, and this way more healing oxygen gets to the wound.”
“You just wanted to see your nose,” Honey said. “If your sutures get infected, it’s your own fault.”
Of course I wanted to see it: the surgical repair to my nose, the stitches around the skin graft above my right nostril, and the chunk of skin returned to fill the scabbed-over divot between my eyebrows. For three weeks I have had to wear a skin graft feeder, a strip of my own living, bleeding forehead tissue, laid across the bridge of my nose. For three long weeks I had to go out in public looking like I had a Vienna sausage strapped to my face, and the COVID mask didn’t even cover it.
Losing By a Nose | News, Sports, Jobs
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FRED MILLER
I woke up this morning thinking about emojis, which is very disturbing because I hate emojis.
I was thinking about them because several members of my beloved family were taunting me – yes, taunting, and worse, in a pitying way – during an exchange of cellphone texts which I confessed I could not understand. Emojis were involved.
“Poor father, he’s so old and out of it,” was the general tone.
I was so disturbed that I had to go out and chainsaw down a tree to regain my normal sunny disposition. Then I got online to do a little research into emojis, to see whether I am justified in loathing them. (I wonder if there is an emoji yet for “loathe.”)
It happened to a woman named Honey and her husband Fred.
One day Honey said to Fred, “I would like to have a new refrigerator.”
Fred said, “Is our refrigerator not working?”
“It works,” Honey said. “I want a new one.”
Fred could have pointed out that they had bought that refrigerator only 39 years ago, and that it had sentimental value since their children who are now middle-aged were only toddlers then. He could have said he had many hours invested in fixing its shelves after they broke and dumped things on the floor.
But he was a good husband and loved his wife, and so he said, “Let’s go buy a refrigerator.”
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