woke up and i made this lame joke, so you had to come back to the hospital again. i missed the food. still, laughing. reporter: so difficult to lose a child that s not the order of things. reporter: talking to people pe mine disaster. i can t imagine that. reporter: trying to come to grips to that. maybe you come to grips eventually and learn to cope but you never really it s always there. you can tell to this day it s still there. never goes away. she has a quote from her daughter that begins the book talking about the importance of smiling. and carol burnett she smiled herself i grew up watching the carol burnett show. that kind of show doesn t exist any more. we talked about that too. talks about reality tv, i don t get it. i don t understand the allure.