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Detailed text transcripts for TV channel - MSNBC - 20120429:02:13:00

give me a hard time. i certainly look to return the favor. but i never forget that our country depends on you. you help protect our freedom, our democracy, and our way of life. and, just to set the record straight, i really do enjoy attending these dinners. in fact, i had a lot more material prepared, but i have to get the secret service home in time for their new curfew. thank you very much, everybody. thank you. [ applause ] and there you have it, the president of the united states. 17 minutes of his best material. thank you so much for joining us tonight. this is msnbc s coverage of the annual tradition here in washington, d.c., the white

Detailed text transcripts for TV channel - MSNBC - 20120429:02:37:00

she was captured by greta van sustren and brought right to your doorstep. when you took office, the kardashians had one reality show. now they have four. this is not a good trend. right now, navy seal team six is outside the kardashian compound in beverly hills disguised as the denver nuggets so they can sneak in undetected. i have a question, who are these people who think it would be a good idea to attack iran? i hear people say, bomb them, nuclear them, just do it now. there are real bunch of yahoo!s, and netanyahus. there is only one way to have peace between the, israelis and arabs. instead of focusing on their differences they should focus on what they have in common which is mutual love of falofal and terrible dance music. i don t understand the anger directed at the president. even if you disagree with his

Detailed text transcripts for TV channel - MSNBC - 20120429:02:47:00

that we have out there, holding him to account for, something that he may or may not have done as a child in indonesia. making illusion back to a controversy from the 2008 campaign, regarding sarah palin, the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull. and so you had him sort of scoring points on two fronts there. one of the things that i find striking about this dinner, we saw it tonight. you look at some tables, you saw eric canter, chuck dodd, kim kardashian, lindsay lohan, i wonder what are they talking about before and after the dinner? what do you think? you were there earlier tonight, what is the conversation like at these tables? i think people do talk politics, in sort of a very kind of more casual way. unless you are talking george clooney very involved in issues. i saw kate hudson and colin powell, deep in conversation. i couldn t overhear what they were saying. then a lot of people want to express to the celebrities that

Detailed text transcripts for TV channel - MSNBC - 20120429:02:25:00

where are the cnn tables? are the cnn tables real tables or virtual tables? every election year, cnn comes up with new increasingly amazing technology. they have the magic wall this year. the hologram four years ago. yet with all their technical wizardry they haven t figured out a way to make james carville look less like a hairless, boiled cat. quite a few cable news anchors wrote book, chris matthews wrote a biography of jfk, 427 pages long. poor rick santorum was throwing up all night. bill o reilly wrote a controversial book about another great president, called killing lincoln. i actually have my own theory about lincoln s death, i think john wilkes booth was innocent. i don t think it was an assassination. i believe abraham lincoln had a vision about what the republican party would become in 150 years and he shot himself.

Detailed text transcripts for TV channel - MSNBC - 20120429:02:36:00

we will deplete the nation s funion. supply. pot smokers vote too. some times the week after the election, but they vote. let s take a quick poll, i would like everyone in this room, raise your hand if you have never smoked pot. there you go. look at brit hume. he is high right now. he is on his fourth almond macaroon. mr. president, i hope you don t think i m out of line. marijuana is something real people care about the fact that you believe speaker boehner when he tells you he still has control of his party, makes me believe you must be smoking some crazy great weed himself. woody harrelson just woke up. as we know now last year at this dinner, president obama had his team on the way to kill osama bin laden. so who will it be this year? if you are looking for the biggest threat to america right now she s right there, her name is kim kardashian.

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