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Ian Will spotted this fence in Aberdeen, leading him to conclude that local signwriters don’t have a handle on the word vandal
Mind your language MEDICAL terminology can be most mysterious, and not just for the layman. Reader Bob Byiers recalls a doctor from distant parts working as a locum in an Ayrshire village. Confused by the local lingo, this chap asked colleagues during a coffee break what a patient meant when she said she was “jist hingin”. One colleague didn’t entirely quell the visiting doctor’s confusion by explaining that the patient must be “a wee bit peely-wally”.
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Plumbing and punning go together, notes reader Jean Park who noticed this sign on a plumber’s van in Ayr. Potty about plants HOME-BASED hobbies are the happening thing, with plant growing particularly popular. In the past this meant chucking some water in the general direction of a clay pot, then forgetting about it until those frisky shoots and leaves turned dry and crumbly, like an Egyptian mummy who’s mislaid its tube of moisturising cream. But with most people trapped at home there’s now plenty of time to encourage greenery to grow, either through abject pleading or snarled threats.
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A reader spotted this Bristol cul-de-sac with a very appropriate name for a route that promises nothing but a return journey.
Dissing the dish WITH Burns Night and the inauguration of America s new President approaching, Deedee Cuddihy, author of How to Murder a Haggis (a collection of real-life haggis horror stories and Burns supper disasters), wonders whether the outgoing POTUS ever sampled Scotland s national dish. Given his Scottish ancestry, it’s certainly possible. However, as Deedee reminds us in her book, fellow Republican George W Bush avoided haggis when he attended a banquet at Gleneagles Hotel in 2005. He told reporters: Generally, on your birthday, my mother used to say: ‘What do you want to eat? and I don t ever remember saying: Haggis, mom .
Gordon is curious to know if such a thing exists as underspeeding. Or perhaps even perfectamountspeeding… Talking turkey CHRISTMAS is long gone. Or did it actually happen? It’s all so confusing. What isn’t confusing is the fact that festive scraps from the Christmas table often last well past December 25. Glasgow North West MP Carol Monaghan recently spotted a tinfoil turkey tray being used as a sledge.
The Diary is now curious to know what the children of vegetarians use to whizz down icy slopes. Repurposed lettuce leaves? Fine dining A DIARY story about a waitress asking customers if they wanted pouring or skooshy cream reminds Gary Campbell, from Inverness, of the time he was seated at a top table at a west of Scotland wedding. The waitress arrived armed with two bottles of wine and proceeded to ask each diner: “Dae ye waant red or white, or dae ye waant to wait for the Asti?”