You so much. I have to say, and i dont believe that i of said this before, ladies and gentlemen, i think, i think i think that your song of love is so beautiful you could sing the dark lords power right down. cheers and applause were going to do it tonight. Were doing tonight. Nation, i am back from spring break cheers and applause is i want all of you to know i spent every minute of it working deep undercover at the aruba senor frog to investigate whether theyre socalled bottomless margaritas are in fact bottomless. Well, folks, they are not. Let me tell you, i hit rock bottom. Any way, its good to be back. I return to a pleasant surprise. My studio was not annexed by vladimir putin. Not that it wouldnt be justified. I happen to know that we are russian dressing in our cat food in our refrigerator. More on that later. Now folks, oh, hello there. Give me one second. I just want to enjoy a little tasty slug of tobacco. Hmmmm, hmmmm, please be seated. Now, folks, hmmmm, hmmmm, hmmmm. I a
cheers and applause stephen welcome to the report, everybody. Good to have you with us. Thank you for being here. Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen stephen thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you so much for being here. I just got to wet the whistle for a second. cheers and applause . Stephen sit down i just want to give a shoutout to all of our friends in belgium watching right now. laughter nation, oh, breathe that in. Spring is in the air. Especially since i fired up my sweet pea and lilac glade plugin. Really makes it feel like sometimes i leave this building. And,sh, spring is the season of love when, shall we sabre the birds and the bees go at it in the sweaty pile of hardcore thoraxbreaking. In this time of courtship tongues are wagging about one of americas most soughtafter batchelors, Rupert Murdoch. Ladies ladies hes breathing laughter and you will not believe who ruperts crushin on now. Rand paul was seen with media mogul Rupert Murdo
Im very excited about that but [laughter] i said the but really loud, didnt i . I apologize for that, scared some people. We have to get to the news. Late last week it went down. The white house on the defense over a new smoking gun benghazi email. Some are calling a smoking gun. The smoking gun. Jon smoking gun. [ laughter ] its one of worst kinds of guns. [laughter] a gun that smokes. Its a terrible influence. [laughter] all the other guns that just having a good time. They are not smoking, not drinking and then that gun walks in. Come on, all the cool guns are doing it. [ laughter ] now we went into iraq because we didnt want the smoking gown be in the form of a mushroom cloud. What was this gun smoking . The conservative watch dog group obtained internal white house emails that it claims reveal more about the effort to get u. N. Ambassador susan rice to assert on the sunday morning talk shows that the attack on the u. S. Consulate was the result of a demonstration over an internet
Truly love besides my family, my country, my collection of antique ceramic cats. Hello morris. But above all my heart belongs to my belied. [cheers and applause] so when i tuned into his program last night, like i do every night [laughter] it was kind of a good news, bad news situation. Tonight im taking on the ever so funny jon stewart of the the daily show. Stuart and his stewarts and his friends at Comedy Central they are the cheeft apologists for the obama administration. I cant expect a comedic hack and his army of writers, i cant take them too seriously. Jon o my god, o oh, my god. Just wait. Just wait. Sean hannity knows my name. [ laughter ] ill be honest with you, the hack thing hurts a little, but the wound is heeled by the healed by the ointment of your attention. [laughter] sean there, well, he was upset that on monday i may have mentioned that he was being hypocritical in defending the nevada rancher and militant federal grazing fee not payer cliven bundy. I am sympathetic
Course on miley cyrus. Its not that easy theres a lot of home twerk. Its the colbert report. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause stephen welcome to the report, everybody. Good to have you with us. Thank you for being here. Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen stephen thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you so much for being here. I just got to wet the whistle for a second. cheers and applause . Stephen sit down i just want to give a shoutout to all of our friends in belgium watching right now. laughter nation, oh, breathe that in. Spring is in the air. Especially since i fired up my sweet pea and lilac glade plugin. Really makes it feel like sometimes i leave this building. And,sh, spring is the season of love when, shall we sabre the birds and the bees go at it in the sweaty pile of hardcore thoraxbreaking. In this time of courtship tongues are wagging about one of americas most soughtafter batchelors, Rupert Murdoch. Ladies