During Todays Supreme Court arguments concerning President Trumps financial records, trumps lawyer jay sekulow argued that trump is, quote, asking for temporary president ial immunity. Temporary . He has seven months left in a fouryear term its like going to work and asking for a sixhour lunch break. During Todays Supreme Court arguments, the lawyer representing House Democrats told justices that lawmakers need access to trumps tax returns to see if hes, quote, subject to foreign leverage. Oh, come on thats just ridiculous, said justice putin. During a Coronavirus Briefing yesterday, President Trump told an Asian American reporter to, quote, ask china in response to a question about coronavirus rates. Okay, im starting to think melanias be best program isnt working. Telling an asianamerican reporter to ask china is like a skit the be best players would do at a school and then say, freeze okay now, who knows what the president should have asked . And then the president would raise his h
You ask me, israeli unnecessary. Matt goldich wrote a joke whose punch line is israeli unnecessary. Mothers day is this sunday. So now all i have to do is figure out when sunday is. Is today sunday . Hmm. Ceo of grocery chain kroger said yesterday that americans will have meat during the coronavirus pandemic so long as they are quote, flexible. Although isnt being flexible on meat what got us into this in the first place . So tomorrow is no socks day good, because im starting to feel creepy Walking Around the house wearing just socks and finally, Budget Airline Allegiant Air has begun offering customers free health and safety kits on all flights to stop the spread of coronavirus. That story again, some airline you never heard of is offering you more help than your president. That was the monologue, everybody. And shout out to my son, ashe, who promised he would be quiet the whole monologue and he did it good job, buddy. Thank you seth we got a great show for you tonight. She a coach on
Still a pretty good time. Without you by my side, the days drag, like my behind on the living room carpet. In closing, i feel its imperative to write the words ive waited so achingly long to epress squirrel barking announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight going the social distance blues stephen welcomes Senate Democratic leader Chuck Schumer and Paul Giamatti. Featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now live on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert stephen hey, whats going on . Nothin. Stephen nothins going on . Were doing a show is what were doing. These two these two and im very grateful to them these two are sitting there on their phones, paying no attention to me. I certainly hope you at home arent on your phones like my son and my wife. sighs some very eventful things going on. Stephen whats going on thats more important than you watching your father do a television show. My friend danny just shaved his head on instagram live. Stephen that is better tha
Cmon, lets freaky friday quarantine i sort of picked up from social this thing. Media that youre watching old ahhh, no. Television shows yeah, im well, im senator Elizabeth Warren said catching up on real housewives yesterday she would be former of new york. Im starting with season 1, Vice President joe bidens which took place in 2008 running mate if he asked and im currently in season 3, while senator Amy Klobuchar said shed be his running mate even if he didnt which is i believe were in late President Trump held an event at 2009 the white house today seth gotcha. Celebrating truckers you know me im an orange and he was pretty disappointed county Beverly Hills guy they didnt bring that lady from seth what was the impetus of their mud flaps. Going back and watching that oh, im sorry, mr. President. Youve never seen it that is just a drawing. Id never seen real housewives of new york. I was very aware of it no, i know, but where is the lady the drawing is based on and then my wife, anna