The Atlantic
Are you even still “outside” if you’re in a completely enclosed space?
February 27, 2021
Wang Ying / Xinhua / Getty
Pandemic creativity in the restaurant industry has been a wonder to behold. All those outdoor tables and benches with planters appeared. They looked tasteful, you know? Like if a shop class had built Paris. But then stupid fall came out of nowhere. So we wheeled out these slick heaters and tried warming up the outside. It was great. You felt like an unsold rotisserie chicken.
And you felt free. Because America is about freedom. The government gave restaurants the freedom to figure out how to stay in business through a pandemic all by themselves. That meant the freedom to have indoor dining outside and call it outdoor dining. Restaurants gave patrons the freedom to contract a deadly disease inside a large plastic bubble. Patrons in turn allowed restaurants the freedom to pretend that any structure they set up was safe. A “don’t ask, don’t sm
Very-large-wardian
Big-feedbag
Strapped-over-everyone
Blanket-draped-over-you-like
Real-horse
Literal-body
Hockey-penalty
Restaurant-industry
Dank-scent-of-tape-glue
Box-thinking
Bite-of-your-friend