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It is a truth universally acknowledged that a woman in possession of a social media account must be in want of creepers asking, “u up?” Few people take this ubiquitous experience and turn it into a bizarre shared storyverse set in Bar Harbor, Maine, but Dixie Heaven-lee (real name, I swear) is one of them. It all started on the Facebook page Let’s Not Date, where Heaven-lee shared screenshots of her interactions with men PMing her. Sick of constantly being asked for sexual answers, she told the men annoying her that her only true goal is to move to Bar Harbor, Maine, raise seven goats, and marry a lumber-selling man who will be the only one to understand her mysterious and tragic past.

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