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22 Books That Helped Me Write the Story of My Transition

(Dover Publications) A novel that tells the story of three brothers and that engages all the major ethical debates exploring faith, morality, free will, greed, obsession, and madness. How many times have I read this book? How many times can you read a book this long? I am Ivan, in a constant state of doubt, always on the verge of a nervous breakdown, or not even on the verge. Reading The Brothers K is like being in the psych ward of your own mind doubt, doubt, doubt, doubt, “I have a longing for life and I go on living in spite of logic.” This is a trans person’s motto. What logic is there living in a constant state of misrecognition? Who wouldn’t, like Ivan, have a nervous breakdown?  One time, close to another trip to the psych ward, I rented a cabin in Northern Minnesota and read the novel in three days. Psych ward averted. Hikes, “sticky little leaves as they open in the spring” as Ivan would say, and Dostoyevsky. I went on living.

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