Thats our show. Here it is, your home of zen. The American People went to the polls last week and delivered a decisive blow to the president. And his progressive agenda. I get a big pick out of the use of the word progressive. They are just straight old captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org eagle caw captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause audience chanting Stephen Stephen come on welcome to the report. Good to have you with us. In there, out there, all over the world. Thank you so much ladies and gentlemen cheers and applause ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for coming. Folks cheers and applause folks, please have a seat. Weve got huge news to get to right off the bat. Nation, im no fan of bicycles. laughter its like taking a spin class to get to my spin class. laughter no thanks. Plus theyre always crowding the tiny lane i use when theres traffic. laughter well, over the weekend, bicycles or bikes, a
I believe is the last day of america. [laughter] this is it, nation. No, no, this is it, date we all feared would come, ever since we were told it would come several months ago has come at last. [laughter] because tonight at 8 00 pm mexican standard time. Generalissimo obama announced his unilateral plan to allow four million Illegal Immigrants to remain in america without fear of deportation. It turns out this whole time weve been building that wall to keep them in. [laughter] [applause] submitted for your approval. [laughter] i do not smoke. [laughter] but folk, the president s speech is at 8 00 tonight. We are taping our show at 7 30, so i dont know one word of what hes going to say. But i do know theres only one way to describe it. Its not an executive order, its executive amnesty. The president will prove forward with executive amnesty. Executive amnesty for Illegal Immigrants in this country. Executive amnesty. Executive amnesty. Executive amnesty. Stephen regular amnesty isnt go
Thai so much. Welcome to the report, heroes. cheers and applause thank you so much. Its good to have you with us. Always a pleasure. Always a joy. cheers folks, you know, if you watch this show, you know that i love coming to you every night of the week, monday through thursday. laughter but broadcasting legend isnt my most important job. Im also a dad. That i know of. laughter thats why i have the right to judge todays overinvolved helicopter parents. If youre that neurotic about your kids safety, why did you give them a helicopter in the first place . laughter they have created these parents have create aid generation of scaredy kids who quiver at the slightest armed invasion. Now to florida tonight where parentparents are outraged after police entered a middle School Without warning with what looked like guns drawn. But what they found out next has many angry tonight. It was a drill. Police with ar15 rifles like this one, burst into classrooms. Children and teachers believed they we
Across the river, jersey. Governor cristopher christy. Governor christie has a pig problem. Jon now wait. I dont think thats appropriate. I dont think thats a productive day unless im obviously jumping to conclusion and by some add serted political source the governor of new jersey literally has a pig problem. He has to decide by december if new jersey pig farmers can use gestation crates. Jon he has a pig problem. [laughter] why shouldnt he be able to use gestation crates. Its a free country. I mean how much does the government going to clamp down. They farmers have, need to store their, what is a gestation crate. [laughter] exactly. The crates are used for pregnant pigs to prevent them from fighting. Farmers also say the pigs are much easier to house this way. Jon that makes sense. Its easier to keep them in ease tiny confined boxes like shoes. [laughter] that are alive and can feel pain. Shoes that can feel pain. [laughter] clearly an improvement over most previous forms of pig hous
Our guest tonight oh, man is this fella talented, incredibly talented fella oscar isaac, from the film a most violent year, is going to be here, but first applause thats for all the young kuwaiti kids who might be watching. cheers and applause thats all natural right there. laughter but first, americas election campaigns have become insanely expensive, but theres no need to pretend to reach for your wallet anymore. Someone else is picking up the tab. The Political Network led by the Koch Brothers, has put a price tag on its spending plans. 900 million in the 2016 cycle. Thats a lot of money. Jon now, you may think to yourself, oh, thats bleep up. laughter arent those guys going to want something in exchange for spending the Gross National product of many countries on one election cycle . And is the thing they want control over the levers of our democracy or would they settle for hand jobs . laughter cheers and applause well, rest easy because one of one of the men who stands to benefit