I just miss you so much. I missed you too. Really . Yeah. Well, can i kiss you . Yeah. Ok. Maybe thats not the best one. Keep reading. It was. Maybe it wasnt. Oh, thank god. I had a horrible nightmare that i was stuck in america with gabe. Oh [laughter] no, thats not the one i was thinking of. Keep going. I know what it smells like, but i didnt roll in anything. Its from listening to all of gabes bull [bleep]. [laughter] isnt this the perfect romantic getaway, erin . Sitting on a Desert Island in dog costumes . Im gabe, and im a weirdo. [laughs] thats pretty good. Gabes mom. Hmm. Gabes mom . Wait, tall woman, looks like gabe . Yeah, i banged her. Yeah[laughter] go. Trevor hey, everybody. Whats going on . Welcome to another episode of the daily social distancing show. Im trevor noah, and today is officially day 44 of us staying inside the hosue to try and kick corona virus ass. Yeah, thats right, corona, i said it. And heres your quarantine tip of the day if youre trying to stay fit, yo
Plus many more so what are you waiting for . Order surfin mia today, and enjoy summer the way it was meant to be spent alone and in da its a late show with stephen colbert. Tonight depress briefing. Plus, stephen welcomes Jake Gyllenhaal and musical guest m. Ward featuring jon batiste and stay homin. and now, live on tape from a safe distance, its stephen colbert. Stephen if its true, that will be great. Oh, hi. Welcome to a late show. Im your host, stephen colbert. My wife and i were just talking out whats actually happening so we can all go bao living our lives. Sure, im just looking forward to the glorious day when this scriess over, and i can rip off my mask and go into a crowded room full of elderly people and lick them all. And what gets me is President Trump should have seen the covid crisis coming. Were now learning that as far back as january, the president s intelligence briefing book repeatedly cited the virus threat. Well, theres your problem. Those are three of trumps leas
If i dont give everybody the utmost expect an understanding and compassion are doing that i am not doing right by the book. Its not a movie or a book but has the best of both worlds. Because you have an actual human being giving the story to you and i love that. And the feeling of how that person tells the story. Hearing your novel read aloud transformed into an audiobook is such an honor and a privilege. And where it is finding itself. Its another way to access literature and often times for nontraditional readers. And these are all the reason that 50 percent of americans listen to ann audiobook in 2019s. Here is to all of you. Here is to amazing audiobooks and here is to 25 years of the audie awards. Ladies and gentlemen we are thrilled to introduce the master of ceremonies mr. Mo rock up. And a frequent panelist on npr quiz show wait wait dont tell me. He is also the host of the obituaries podcast. We are here to have him here this evening. Without further ado teethree. [applause] t
That it is doing something, so i applaud every one of you for doing that i know how hard it can be. Im very lucky to have this house and this family, but its tough so i applaud you guys. Thank you for staying home lets flatten that curve we have a great show tonight Kerry Washington is on the show shes a good friend of our show and she has a new show called Little Fires Everywhere that her and Reese Witherspoon are starring in on hulu. And get those two together, im there. Ill watch that show anytime her charity is medshare. Org. And we thank kerry for coming on well be talking to her later in the show. Also, Andrew Rannells from the show black monday will be on the show, on showtime. Andrew, he was supposed to be our show friday before we left the studio his charity is meal train. Ive never heard of this this is a new charity to me, but its fascinating how theyre feeding people that are on the front line. It and i think kind of an unknown charity so thats a great thing to to broadcast
President trump told reporters today that he would release a report on his finances before the 2020 election. And said that people will be shocked that the numbers are many, many times what you think. Okay, but anything times zero is zero [ laughter ] [ applause ] duchess Meghan Markle attended the u. S. Open this weekend to support her friend serena williams. Meanwhile, the queen went to the jets game. [ laughter ] a man on a mission to visit every starbucks in the world, last week visited his 15,000th location in peru and what do you know, they finally spelled his name right [ laughter and applause a 73yearold woman in india is now believed to be the oldest person to ever give birth after having twins this weekend via csection. The woman is doing fine, but shes definitely going to wait a few years before trying for more kids [ laughter ] u. S. News and world report has released its annual ranking of americas best universities with princeton coming in first. And when they heard the ne