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It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Not Christmas season per se, but rather, Hallmark Christmas movie season. You know what I’m talking about: Those slap-dash, exposition-heavy, the-cornier-the-better, vaguely-Christian-supremacist, made-for-TV romantic comedies, all set in a world where everyone is fucking nuts about Christmas. In this world, the hottest thing an unmarried couple can do is kiss without tongue, actors from That One TV Show You Used to Watch Reruns Of When Nothing Else.

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