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Transcripts For KNTV The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon 20240713

Evan rachel wood musical guest, annie lennox. And the legendary roots crew its the tonight show at home edition. And now, heres jimmy. Jimmy hi, everybody. Welcome to the tonight show at home edition. My name is jimmy fallon and thank you so much for watching we have a great show for you tonight. Guys, i want to wish everyone a happy Star Wars Day. Thats right its a time fans say may the 4th be with you, which is great, because now you know what day it is yep, they call it Star Wars Day because of the phrase may the 4th be with you, which as we know is how baby yoda said it before his front teeth grew in meanwhile, tomorrow is Cinco De Mayo though right now americans are thinking, yeah, like we need an excuse to sit around drinking tequila all day long. Check this out i heard that doctors and dentists have now started removing magazines from their waiting room patients are like, oh, no now how will i find out who was named sexiest man alive in 1997 . Brad pitt and Jennifer Aniston are

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Transcripts For KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live 20240713

From work last night to find this hanging on his door. This is another ad for mike bloomberg. Even his ads are too short to reach above the doorknob. Mike bloomberg has poured more than 500 million of his own money into this campaign. If he didnt have a good night tonight, he basically spent the cost of an avatar movie to find out nobody likes him. He did win he won American Samoa today, the election there. Biden won North Carolina and virginia. Bernie took vermont and expected is win california. Around twothirds of californians vote by mail. The other third now have coronavirus. I voted by mail. I have to say the ballot they ita messocratsn the ba tom steyer at the top even though he dropped out over the weekend. Deval patrick also out. Michael bennet out. Michael bloomberg, hell be out soon. Mosie boyd. I dont know who that is. Might not even be a real person. Then cory booker who dropped out at like christmas or something. Mayor pete dropped out, not in the race. I like seeing their

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Transcripts For KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live 20240713

[ laughter ] for me the biggest takeaway on election day is how can anybody possibly have such a clean garage . I dont understand it. I go into these old peoples homes, and i think wheres your stuff . California has more delegates than any state. And i dont know if it was like this where you live, but we have been overwhelmed by advertising, mostly from mike bloomberg. The amount of mail weve been getting from mike bloomberg, its unbelievable. He is the Bed Bath Beyond of candidates. One of our writers came home from work last night to find this hanging on his door. This is another ad for mike bloomberg. Even his ads are too short to reach above the doorknob. Mike bloomberg has poured more than 500 million of his own money into this campaign. If he didnt have a good night tonight, he basically spent the cost of an avatar movie to find out nobody likes him. He did win he won American Samoa today, the election there. Biden won North Carolina and virginia. Bernie took vermont and expected

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Transcripts For KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live 20240713

[ laughter ] for me the biggest takeaway on election day is how can anybody possibly have such a clean garage . I dont understand it. I go into these old peoples homes, and i think wheres your stuff . California has more delegates than any state. And i dont know if it was like this where you live, but we have been overwhelmed by advertising, mostly from mike bloomberg. The amount of mail weve been getting from mike bloomberg, its unbelievable. He is the Bed Bath Beyond of candidates. One of our writers came home from work last night to find this hanging on his door. This is another ad for mike bloomberg. Even his ads are too short to reach above the doorknob. Mike bloomberg has poured more than 500 million of his own money into this campaign. If he didnt have a good night tonight, he basically spent the cost of an avatar movie to find out nobody likes him. He did win he won American Samoa today, the election there. Biden won North Carolina and virginia. Bernie took vermont and expected

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Transcripts For KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20240713

Situation was much like puppies in a box. Eventually, using forceps, we were successful in extracting the heads of jim jordan and devin nunes, and, as we speak, we are sending in a team of specialists to try to locate Lindsey Graham hes way up there. laughter announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight, kicking off new zealand week with Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern. Plus stephen welcomes adam driver and musical guest the 1975, featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen howdy from downtown hello, friends cheers and applause fantastic hello thank you so much piano riff welcome to the late show. Im your host Stephen Colbert. cheers and applause trumps impeachment is really heating up, its gearing up, its ramping up. The gears are all hot from all the ramping theyre doing. There are live hearings tomorrow, wednesday, and thursday. The fate of our nation hangs in the

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