We start with breaking news imran khan, pakistans former prime minister, has been arrested, after being sentenced to three years in prison. His team say they will file an appeal against the ruling. Thejudge found him guilty of failing to declare money he had earned from selling state gifts. As the decision was announced in islamabad a crowd, including some prosecuting lawyers, began chanting Imran Khan Is A Thief outside court. Multiple cases have been filed against mr khan in the last 16 months. In may, he was detained for not appearing at court as requested but was subsequently released after the arrest was declared illegal. Since then his party has been under intense pressure from the authorities with many senior officials leaving and thousands of supporters arrested, accused of being involved in the protests that followed imran khans arrest. The Pakistan Parliament will dissolve on 9th august and a Caretaker Government will take over in the run up to the elections. No election date
of the first time i saw kim kardashian s butt in person. see, that is me right there. [laughter] greg: i m behind her and to the right and you can clearly see my eyes were laser focused on that thing, and that thing was so big it kind of felt like it was staring back. now this happened in 2016 at the white house correspondent s dinner. i haven t gone since because how could i top that. this weekend s version of the event also reminded me why i haven t been back either. main stream media sucks and it s worse than a tux because the coverage reminds us of what it really is about. something i call ego affirming care. it s where members of the so-called free press can inflate their self-esteem like chinese spy balloons. and like every award show artificially created as a reminder that they matter. it s where they can saver shrimp cocktail al with the smell of joe biden s lingering farts. they smell like butterscotch. that s what happens when you main line werthers. to say dc is
cloned three cavs that, once grown, will be capable of producing 50% more milk than the average american cow. so they re putting our cows out to pasture like voters did to hillary. that is a reach but i approve. by the way, i believe we have a picture of the new super cows. [cheers and applause] greg: yes. off to a good start! okay. enough of that. let s talk about giant balloons, all right? yeah! greg: no. not those. i mow ten chinese surveillance balloon shot down off the coast of south carolina. china should have said there was a boy inside. that s what i would have done. then i would have shot it down because i m a bad man. anyway there was lots of speculation over the balloon s sudden appearance rumor has it joe insisted that it was just a full moon. maybe it came from hunter s birthday party from last saturday. you know he loves his balloons. normally if they re full of cocaine and shoved up a drug mule s ass but still. hunter and the balloon have a lot in comm
he is so well-dressed. he makes salads jealous. social scientist and to post [indistinct] jesus. [applause] he is so hot, he could be my twin brother. cohost of fox & friends weekend, pete. she is like an earthworm, small, slender, and thrives in good. contributor kat timpf. and finally, when he sneezes, more states issue tornado warnings. my massive psychic, tyrus. [cheers and applause] all right. before we get to the some new stories and we have some new ones, some blockbusters if you will. let s do this. greg s leftovers. greg: i wish i had a virtually that. it is leftovers, where i read the jokes we did not use this week and it is my first time reading these so if they suck, it is on you. that does not make any sense, but who cares? hershey s is facing a boycott after putting a trans person s face on a wrapper. the company agreed to only use the photo on mr. goodbar s. [laughter] i would have said, they would only put it on candy bars with nuts. that is better, huh?
gas stoves. [ laughter ] he s so hot, he can be my twin brother. you know it. oh, i am exaggerating. anyway, i am way hotter. we are going to tackle the whole biden classified biden scandal in minutes. first, let s do this, shall we? the audience decide the story. yeah, we are the only show that does this but for a reason. here is a refresher, i am going to giver you two topics and whichever gets the most applause wins. by the way, it is the same way pete picks out a speedo. open the drapes. topic one, barkley raised the u.s. gdp in the first quarter sees a mild rece rece recession led by the rise of con assumption. all right, let s hear your applause. sorry. not jazz, i take it. here is the second story. we got an update on the canadian high school teacher. [ applause ] [ cheers ] well, i guess it is out of my hands. it sucks. it sucks. we had three qualifier experts on remote to explain the economic forecast. i feel kind of bad, look at him. oh well. oh well.