Hello, Trash Pandas! I'm Elinor Jones, and this is.THE TRASH REPORT. Did anything cool happen to you last week? Please do not hesitate to let me know! Until I can report on your newsworthy events or victories, I'll have to write about the broader dumpster fire that is contemporary American life. I promise, I won't make it sad. In fact, I'll try to make it funny! (Please note that I said try. There are no.