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COM The Colbert Report September 19, 2013

The california teachers association. 150 years of making a difference that lasts a lifetime. That is our show. Join us tomorrow night at 11 00. Here it is, your moment of zen. Blaming this on guns is like saying that the big problem with obesity is weve got captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org cheers and applause stephen welcome to the show, everybody good to have you with us folks, thank you, thank you so much. audience chanting Stephen Stephen ladies and gentlemen thank you so much folks, folks, as you know, you watch the Program Night to night i pride myself on my decisiveness. If i ever lost my ability to instantly know my next course of action, i dont know what i would do. laughter but even i have been all over the map on this syria issue. On the one hand, holding Bashar Alassad responsible for war crimes against his own citizens was kind of, you know, been there; bombed that. laughter but on the other hand, not bombing d

COM The Colbert Report September 24, 2013

Im gonna say hes worth 45 million. [audience ohs] [laughter] thatll buy you plenty of viagra. Okay, larry flynt. If hef is worth 43 million, im gonna say larry flynt is in the ballpark of 25 million. [audience ohs] i guess that proves that soft porn doesnt pay as well as watching someone get peed on. [laughter] lesson learned, america. Daniel tosh. I think the shocking part is that i made the list. [laughter] 400,000 in the red [laughter] by the way, theres good debt and bad debt. Currently, im upside down on a mortgage. [laughter] probably doesnt help that a hot girl flies me to mexico to invest in her familys tequila business either. Next time, im saying, no, gracias. [laughter] go to our blog to see the ones that we didnt have time for. See you next week. Good night. [cheers and applause] cheers and applause stephen welcome to the show, everybody good to have you with us folks, thank you, thank you so much. audience chanting Stephen Stephen ladies and gentlemen thank you so much fol

COM The Colbert Report September 19, 2013

Big end of the world fans here tonight. laughter and the signs of the apocalypse are everywhere. After all i just quoted from a canadian newspaper laughter folks, i am not the only journalist reporting prophecy as news. So is fox news anchor and 11th plague neil cavuto. Biblical scholars say its all there in blackandwhite, like this spooky passage from isaiah 17 about syria itself. Behold, damascus is about to be removed from being a city and will become a fallen ruin. Another passage warns of growing unrest in egypt and the rise of a fierce king. Stephen good lord laughter everything the bible says is coming to pass thankfully, i already have two of every animal in my meat ark. laughter folks, neil cavuto wasnt done there. As a t. V. Journalist, his job to keep digging until he gets to the next commercial. laughter so he brought on armageddon enthusiast joel rosenberg. We have seven million syrians already on the run, two million have left the country, five million are internally disp

COM The Colbert Report September 19, 2013

cheers and applause stephen welcome to the show, everybody good to have you with us folks, thank you, thank you so much. audience chanting Stephen Stephen ladies and gentlemen thank you so much folks, folks, as you know, you watch the Program Night to night i pride myself on my decisiveness. If i ever lost my ability to instantly know my next course of action, i dont know what i would do. laughter but even i have been all over the map on this syria issue. On the one hand, holding Bashar Alassad responsible for war crimes against his own citizens was kind of, you know, been there; bombed that. laughter but on the other hand, not bombing does not involve bombing. laughter and the truth is, nobody knows what to do in syria. Weve heard from our allies, weve heard from our enemies, weve heard from our pundits and our politicians. But theres one important voice that has remained conspicuously silent hallucinating sheep herders. Until now, because the bible has finally weighed in. According t

COM The Colbert Report September 23, 2013

Jon thats our show, join us tomorrow night at 11 00, here is your moment of zen. Its been a good couch. Right, whss left of it but its out with the old, in with the new, steve, ready . You know what, this is cheers and applause stephen welcome to the show, everybody good to have you with us folks, thank you, thank you so much. audience chanting Stephen Stephen ladies and gentlemen thank you so much folks, folks, as you know, you watch the Program Night to night i pride myself on my decisiveness. If i ever lost my ability to instantly know my next course of action, i dont know what i would do. laughter but even i have been all over the map on this syria issue. On the one hand, holding Bashar Alassad responsible for war crimes against his own citizens was kind of, you know, been there; bombed that. laughter but on the other hand, not bombing does not involve bombing. laughter and the truth is, nobody knows what to do in syria. Weve heard from our allies, weve heard from our enemies, weve

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