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Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20140306

cheers and applause cheers and applause folks, welcome to the show. Thank you for joining us. If you watch this show, i got some news for you. President barack obama is a failed leader. Dont worry this isnt a rerun or a future episode. Its tonight. Last week obama announced the planned withdrawal of American Forces from afghanistan by 2015. With a stroke of his pen, there goes americas Strategic Reserve of rubble. Now i feel like ive wasted 12 years memorizing all those tricky muslim names karzai. Haqqani. Beyonce. I mean, i was almost ready for that jelly. There is a new Foreign Policy crise for obama to shrank. Ukraine unraveling. Ukraine Officials Say theyre on the brink of war with russia. Thousand of Russian Troops have ousted Ukrainian Forces and taken complete control of key strategic crimean peninsula. Crimean crisis has deepened overnight. Stephen yes, a crisis in crimea. Now, like americans, until recently i thought crimea was a delightful tyler perry character. Turns out its

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20140305

Is more satisfied than being a United States senator. Thats how bad its gotten in the senate. Not i will say this though, not that the senate is doing nothing. They did recently, i believe, pass the farm bill. The new farm bill president obama signed into law yesterday cuts 8. 6 billion from food stamps during the next decades. Jon good. I think its wasteel. Who collects food stamps. The elvis fat and skinny. You have your develop streeta zinni liberty bell. There no matter how valuable they may be they are just going to be bad oh, really food stamps are a form of assistance that allows those who are hungry to be less so. Why would you cut that . Lobbying from big stam stomach pang. Using food stamps to buy ipads or cigarettes. You hear stories about people on food stamps going to vegas drawing money at casinos. Jon yes, you do hear all these stories. Whether or not they are true or indicative of widespread abuse is not really the point here because you hear them. As a reporter on a ne

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20140305

cheers and applause stephen welcome to the report. Thank you for joining us. Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen cheers and applause cheers and applause folks, welcome to the show. Thank you for joining us. If you watch this show, i got some news for you. President barack obama is a failed leader. Dont worry this isnt a rerun or a future episode. Its tonight. Last week obama announced the planned withdrawal of American Forces from afghanistan by 2015. With a stroke of his pen, there goes americas Strategic Reserve of rubble. Now i feel like ive wasted 12 years memorizing all those tricky muslim names karzai. Haqqani. Beyonce. I mean, i was almost ready for that jelly. There is a new Foreign Policy crise for obama to shrank. Ukraine unraveling. Ukraine Officials Say theyre on the brink of war with russia. Thousand of Russian Troops have ousted Ukrainian Forces and taken complete control of key strategic crimean peninsula. Crimean crisis has deepened o

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20140305

Think tank because even just thinking around thinking in a tank [laughter] is more satisfied than being a United States senator. Thats how bad its gotten in the senate. Not i will say this though, not that the senate is doing nothing. They did recently, i believe, pass the farm bill. The new farm bill president obama signed into law yesterday cuts 8. 6 billion from food stamps during the next decades. Jon good. I think its wasteel. Who collects food stamps. The elvis fat and skinny. You have your develop streeta zinni liberty bell. There no matter how valuable they may be they are just going to be bad oh, really food stamps are a form of assistance that allows those who are hungry to be less so. Why would you cut that . Lobbying from big stam stomach pang. Using food stamps to buy ipads or cigarettes. You hear stories about people on food stamps going to vegas drawing money at casinos. Jon yes, you do hear all these stories. Whether or not they are true or indicative of widespread abus

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20140305

Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause stephen welcome to the report. Thank you for joining us. Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen cheers and applause cheers and applause folks, welcome to the show. Thank you for joining us. If you watch this show, i got some news for you. President barack obama is a failed leader. Dont worry this isnt a rerun or a future episode. Its tonight. Last week obama announced the planned withdrawal of American Forces from afghanistan by 2015. With a stroke of his pen, there goes americas Strategic Reserve of rubble. Now i feel like ive wasted 12 years memorizing all those tricky muslim names karzai. Haqqani. Beyonce. I mean, i was almost ready for that jelly. There is a new Foreign Policy crise for obama to shrank. Ukraine unraveling. Ukraine Officials Say theyre on the brink of war with russia. Thousand of Russian Troops have ousted Ukrainian Forces and taken complete control of key strategic crimean p

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