March 5, 2021
“Maybe now I can finally enjoy all 10 minutes of my lunch break,” reported one of the employees.
Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos has recently announced that the company will be removing the giant threatening woodchippers from their employee break rooms nationwide.
The woodchipper has been a staple of Amazon warehouses since the beginning. They were intended to boost morale and productivity. The woodchippers were bloodied, and had the words “Motivator Prime” spray painted in black on the side.
“We know our employees are saddened to hear the Motivator Prime will be removed,” said Bezos solemnly. “But removing overt threats of murder from our warehouses seemed like the best move forward for the company.”