comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.or airport (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central stephen: welcome to the report, thank you so much. stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen: welcome to the report. good to have you with us. thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. boy, folks, thank you so much. i ve got to tell you, i absolutely needed that, ladies and gentlemen, because i m exhausted. i am going to need a little help to get through tonight s show. got here, you know it was a little five hour energy do it for me. although you know what, i only need this for a half an hour. so there you are. whooo! (cheers and applause) stephen: whooo! i can feel my heartbeat in my hair! i will fistfight a shark. now folks, you see, i am so tired tonight because last night i was in our nation s capital at the kennedy center honors which pays tribute to our nation s greatest creative
(cheers and applause) now folks, my honoring did to the gun noticed. audience member and gop front-runner newt gingrich released this actual tweet today. stephen colbert was brilliant at kennedy center honors tonight. newt gingrich said i m brilliant, okay. and newt reserved his twitter feed for things of the utmost importance like these actual tweets. i ate a reeses peanut butter cup for breakfast. and calista got me a reese s peanut butter egg. it is good too. and folks, for the record, newt did not say that because he s a lobbyist for reese s, they gave him 1.5 million dollars because he is a well-known chocolate historian. now folks, everybody knows that i am a conspiracy theorist, or am i? i want the answers to all of the biggest mysteries. what happened to amelia earhart. is stonehenge really s a merry-go-round built by druid carnies. where in the world is carmen san diego? but the most important conspiracy is the end of the mayan calendar, december 21st, 2012, which ma
jon: that s our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. here it is your moment of zen. they had the hungry muppet, the starving muppet. you look out there. we have medicaid, a record number of people on food stamp. we have s-chip. we have w.i.c.c. there s all these programs out there to take care of hungry kids captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org airport (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central stephen: welcome to the report, thank you so much. stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen: welcome to the report. good to have you with us. thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. boy, folks, thank you so much. i ve got to tell you, i absolutely needed that, ladies and gentlemen, because i m exhausted. i am going to need a little help to get through tonight s show. got here, you know it was a little five hour energy do it for me. although you know wh
stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen: welcome to the report. good to have you with us. thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. boy, folks, thank you so much. i ve got to tell you, i absolutely needed that, ladies and gentlemen, because i m exhausted. i am going to need a little help to get through tonight s show. got here, you know it was a little five hour energy do it for me. although you know what, i only need this for a half an hour. so there you are. whooo! (cheers and applause) stephen: whooo! i can feel my heartbeat in my hair! i will fistfight a shark. now folks, you see, i am so tired tonight because last night i was in our nation s capital at the kennedy center honors which pays tribute to our nation s greatest creative artists by giving them suspended stolen from mork from or october. last night the kennedy center honored jazz saxophonist sony rollins, rock n roll hall of famer neil diamond, broadway legend barbara cook. world renow
jon: that s our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. here it is your moment of zen. they had the hungry muppet, the starving muppet. you look out there. we have medicaid, a record number of people on food stamp. we have s-chip. we have w.i.c.c. there s all these programs out there to take care of hungry kids captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org airport (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central stephen: welcome to the report, thank you so much. stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen: welcome to the report. good to have you with us. thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. boy, folks, thank you so much. i ve got to tell you, i absolutely needed that, ladies and gentlemen, because i m exhausted. i am going to need a little help to get through tonight s show. got here, you know it was a little five hour energy do it for me. although you know wha