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International Talk Like a Pirate Day was invented in 1995 by two Americans, John Baur and Mark Summers, as a parody of all those endless United Nations proclaimed days dedicated to terribly noble causes. In order to Talk Like a Pirate you greet everyone with Ahoy maties or Ahoy me hearties in a growling accent and throw in the occasional Aye, Jim lad while pretending to have a parrot on your shoulder. That works for pirates, but what about convicts? How can you talk like a convict? Talking like a pirate is so 1995. convict-speak is where it’s at. Probably by talking exactly the way you are now. No change is needed. If you grew up speaking Australian English you are using far more convict words than you realise.

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